My ship is sinking.

[sailorboy]

My relationship that is.

We've been married for six years tomorrow, and over the last few months we seem to have grown apart.???
She gets angry with me and i cant work out why. i get angry at her too, i think because i cant work her out and
she does'nt talk to me about her problems, whether with me or otherwise. I think the fact that we dont have sex
anymore is playing a big role in sinking us too. I'm pretty keen on having sex but she hates it as far as i can tell, so
i dont push her and that puts tension between us too, and then it gets bad! we're both thinking divorce might be the
best option but we have two kids so we're not sure if separating will mess with them real bad. we've talked about it
quite alot and we both think that a happy divorce would be much better than a horrible marriage.
We're still friends half of the time and we think a happy divorce is possible. I personaly think that its probably my fault
because i want our sex life to have variety and just be amazing, because great sex is, in my opinion, is very important.
whereas she could'nt care less about it at all, i need to mention that she has'nt had the best experience with men and
sex (not me) so i try to be sensitive so not to bring back bad memories.
I guess what i'm asking is,1.would divorce be a good solution? 2.would counseling help us? 3.would it help her, and would/could she change her ideas on sex.
We're both sick of fighting so any constructive help would be great!!
Cheers!! Thanks in advance.

[Lipp]

Could you change your ideas about sex?

[SirWagginston]

It seems like his idea is that having no sex at all is unacceptable. I don't think that needs to change.

I'm curious about what her "bad experience" is, though.

[Petit Papillon]

I think 'having bad sex in the past' after 6 years of marriage shouldn't play any role,cause it's clearly history,unless she was raped or something. I think counseling would be a good idea,unless if she already made up her mind about divorce. How long is that you don't have sex with her anymore? Sometimes, when a partner is not interrested in sex anymore, means that is having another partner OR maybe she's depressed? Does she have any reason to be depressed? You should have a serious talk with her. Talking about problems IS REALLY important ,especially in marriage. Even if the problems are small, when they aren't worked out at the beginning,they evolve to big issues, that can't be solved in the end.
I don't know , if it's not too late to save your marriage, but you can try. At least , if it ends, you'll be sure that you did everything to not make it happen.

[Bumble_bee]

you guys should definitely consider counselling before divorce, at least then you'll have both given it a chance. best wishes.

[Peter Pry]

I would also recommend counseling, and not just couples counseling for the two of you, but professional psychological counseling for her. It sounds as if, were the sex nominal, that the two of you might be able to have a happy marriage, and her lack of sex drive is not nominal. And if her aversion to sex is because of rape or assault in the past, then she needs psychological help, not just to save the marriage, but in order to live any kind of happy life, regardless of her relationship status. People who have been sexually assaulted have problems that go deeper than just not wanting sex that need to be addressed.

Get her that help and lay off the requests for sex while she's in therapy. Get couples counseling to see what the root of the nonsexual problems might be. You may find that she becomes a happier person and there is hope for the marriage.

[vashti]

Divorce absolutely messes with kids, even if not on a psychological level (which would be very rare), then on a financial one. You should aggressively pursue every avenue to avoid this path.

Why doesn't your wife like sex? Doesn't she orgasm? My guess would be no.