Marriage and affairs

[sunny72]

How many of you ever had an affair with someone who is married?

And how many of those who are married had sex with somebody else?

[abercromqt20]

i have never done either. and i never will! i know you should never say never but i truely believe that. i come from a family that was broken up due to my mother's infidelity. i have seen what it does to families. i will never do that to my husband or children, and i will never do that to the children or wife of the "imaginary man" i would have an affair with. i think alot of people have affairs and don't really realize how many people their decision is effecting. its not just the 2 consenting adults. most times there are innocent kids involved. try having that on your conscience. so think about that b4 ever even considering taking part in a relationship like that. i mean there are like billions of the people in the world. why do u need someone elses man or woman?? ok....well i'm gonna get off my soap box now!

[kanzaki]

huh.....i make sure i shoot that whoever it is who wanted to date me while he is married

[Steve2004]

i completely agree with abercrom. Being involved in an affair, where you're married, or the man's married, or both, it disgusting. My family also is being broken up due to my DAD'S infidelities (in large part). This hurts the wife, but more so the kids. Maybe not when they're really young, like toddlers. But when they're around 10 or 11, they're just old enough to know what's going on..but not old enough to cope with it. It's a horrible thing to do. I dont even understand how someone can be so cruel to do something like that to their wife or kids. If i was cheated on...they would..without a doubt, be shot. And it's not like you can really hide an affair, you can hide the evidence sure...but..the way you act and things like that..it's very easy to detect.

So..sunny, if you're planning on having an affair...do not. Bad people do that. And it's very shameful.

[sunny72]

I don't have an affair with a married guy (and I'm not planning to have one). It is probably one of the worst things that can happen. However, I don't think anybody is "planning" to have an affair. This is about feelings and sometimes things just happen. Furthermore, it always takes two. So never say never. It is hard for kids when their parents break up. However, first of all an affair must not mean the end of a marriage. Secondly, if something is wrong in that relationship (why do you have an affair?) then it does not help the kids if their parents stay together because of them.

[unMorph]

Sunny brings up a good point. An affair the symptom, not the problem. The fact that someone would have an affair is only indicative that the relationship was ALREADY in very rough waters. The reason many couples break up after an affair is because it is undeniable proof that everything is not 'OK'. Until then, its very possible that both could lie to themselves and say, 'We're just both busy and stressed with work...' and not deal with it.
My parents stayed together until I was 19. When they separated, I encouraged it. They were absolutely miserable! Night after night they had fight after fight and I could hear them all.
Don't stay together for 'the kids' or any other reason than for YOU. Kids are happy if their parents are happy. When the parents are miserable and angry...

[Steve2004]

I don't have an affair with a married guy (and I'm not planning to have one). It is probably one of the worst things that can happen. However, I don't think anybody is "planning" to have an affair. This is about feelings and sometimes things just happen. Furthermore, it always takes two. So never say never. It is hard for kids when their parents break up. However, first of all an affair must not mean the end of a marriage. Secondly, if something is wrong in that relationship (why do you have an affair?) then it does not help the kids if their parents stay together because of them.

that's the most selfish thing i've ever heard. If the man or woman is having an affair, The marriage should be broken up...bringing some other woman's sick smell, or a man's sweat into your own spouse's bed is sick. If you want to go **** some other person, do it when you're single. If you feel the need to be single, get a divorce. It's a lot easier to hear that your parents are getting a divorce than it is to hear that your dad just couldn't settle for just his family, he had to bang some other slut behind his family's back

and if you're SO worried about things happening between the two of you..i suggest you stay away from him. this problem isn't that hard to avoid. unless you dont mind ****ing up his family or yours.

[abercromqt20]

i totally agree with steve. i understand that affairs are symptoms of underlying problems, but the solution is to fix the problem. not have an affair. affairs don't just happen. it is a consious decision. you are deciding rather then doing the right thing and trying to fix you problems, just to use somebody else to give you what you want. this makes things way worse in the end for everyone involved. people need to understand that when they got married they took a vow under God for better or for worse. they owe it to themselves and their children to atleast truely try to make it work. if problems can't be resolved, then fine seek a divorce. i do agree that children don't belong in an environment where the parents are unhappy. but when one parent has an affair that just makes matters WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY worse. my parents got divorved after my mom had an affair on my dad. there is alot more that goes along with it, but it's been over 2 years since my mom and i last spoke. i lost alot of respect for her. as someone who went through the situation i much rather she had come home and been likewe are getting a divorce then to do everything she did. when you are a parent your decisions effect not only you but your children also. no more being selfish. the same goes for say me being single and sleeping with a married man with children and such. i could never have that on my conscience. even though i have nothing tied to me, i would know deep down inside what i was doing to this man's kids. and don't think you can hide an on going affair. it will always get out.

[Jenrick285]

I agree with the previous posts..

Cheating is bad, affairs are wrong, and if there are kids involved, then the person might consider that there are things beyond their personal wants like the children involved.

Another side note is, if this man is willing to have an affair, what does this say about his integrity (and this could go for women too)? Is these the qualities and values you really look for in a person?
If they do this to this person, what makes you think they won't do it to you? We all like to think that it'll be different, its not the same etc etc. But remember on what you build that relationship on.

[sunny72]

My question was not what you think of someone having an affair. I know that cheating is bad and affairs are wrong. And I was not necessarily talking about a marriage with kids. I was simply interested in the fact whether anybody in here ever had an affair.

[Illusional]

well i had sex with a girl that had a bf... sure at the time i didn't care about the guy, but that was one one-night stand that turned into a learning experience. i don't think that the guy ever found out, but i hated one night stands after that. the things you do when you're under the influence.

raverboy

[Steve2004]

My question was not what you think of someone having an affair. I know that cheating is bad and affairs are wrong. And I was not necessarily talking about a marriage with kids. I was simply interested in the fact whether anybody in here ever had an affair.

I think i can gather from what has been posted, that the majority has NOT had an affair

[misombra]

i'm not married and i've never cheated on a boyfriend and i've never been with a man who was married. but my parents divorced before i was a year old and i've always wondered if an affair had anything to do with it. my dad is kind of a player now and i asked him if he did and he said no, but i am very doubtful that i'll ever get the truth. all i do now is assume. but i agree with aber (as usual). i will always have the picture in my head of my dad being unfaithful, and i can't deny the fact that i would've had my father when i needed him if it weren't for his actions, i would've had a father. but i see the other side in that it is easy to be unfaithful, especially if there is little chance of being found out. desire gets the best of people sometimes. now that i'm an adult i can see both sides. it's a tough one you know? i'd be interested in some other people's opinions...

[princess2u]

OMG....the last guy i dated was much younger and everything was fine for 3 mos then he tells me he is married WTF....for 10years....i was crushed it was the most amazing relationship built on false pretenses however, so it all came to a crashing halt...however, he still tries to call and wants a booty call but....not gettin any here

[Steve2004]

good for you. good good for you