A Bit Confused...

[elizabeth412]

I responded to his message detailed above and gave him some more info on his prospective patient. I told him his P.S. made me smile, and that I would think about the option of getting my spine checked out. I signed off with another whimsical saying, and he responded by saying that he didn't see me at the beach that day (no, we didn't make arrangements to meet there, nor was any reference made earlier in our messages), but he was obviously looking for me. He also mentioned that I am entitled to a free 30-minute massage if a patient I refer makes/keeps an appointment with him. He teased and said I must be smiling now with wink emoticons - the works. I wrote back and teased by asking who would be doing the massage in his office and pondered whether it would be a burly sumo wrestler, and I attached a picture of the biggest one I could find. My caption under the picture made reference to my really needing a chiropractor after that "reward". I have not yet heard back from him. What I am wondering through this continuing saga,( albeit with more information now than about six weeks of nothing) is how long should this mere email communication continue before he should step up to the plate and ask me out? Is he just establishing a comfort level first? A male friend thinks that he would have asked me out already this week after the first email or two from me. I disagree..., but I could be wrong.

[elizabeth412]

I am really nervous now, because I have not heard from him since the email I described in my last post here. We finally had some communication started and some flirting, and I think I blew it to pieces. Please help!

[Doc Durian]

You're both playing too many flirtacious games to keep track of who did what and said what.


Slow the bullshit down a bit and either ask him out or be done with it.

You're wasting valuable time in this life chasing after someone who doesn't state their thoughts or feelings.

So what? He's in the medical field... so are mechanics on machinery, and try to find a good one with this age of electronic components.

He could be a Dexter for all you know.

What drew you to him?

The pelvic tilt, his look, or something far beyond that?

Infatuation only works to a point.... until you ask the hard questions.

"What are they all about"?

[elizabeth412]

You're right, Doc, about too many games back and forth now after a period of nothingness. You mentioned that I was chasiing him, though - really? I waited over six weeks to establish any contact, and the primary reason for that was a referral. I waited for his flirtatiousness, given my shyness and apprehension after so much time with no contact, to respond with just a touch of my own.

My concern at this point is the sumo wrestler reference. He must have taken offense to that aspect of my message, as I haven't heard from him since he read it Saturday morning.

To clarify, I am the one with the pelvic tilt! As far as the attraction on my part, it's everything that came out in our conversations, especially the last long one. There seemed to be a real connection. I would like to speak to him, either in person on a date or one the telephone, so the email muckiness is only one aspect of our communication instead of the only one.

[Doc Durian]

There are like 6 billion plus people on this earth and at least half a billion of them are medically trained Indians, Pakistani's, or Chinese who would just love to have a professional gf/wife to sink their battleship into board over.

Most of them have cracker jack degrees... so they could at least get a job in an abortion clinic..

Remind whatever domestic fellow you're keen over about this.

(nothing like a bit of competition )

[Peter Pry]

Elizabeth,

My advice remains the same, and essentially the same as Doc's, even more so now that it's clear that he's interested in you, or else he wouldn't be flirting. I think you're starting to imaginatively read things into his reactions/nonreactions and not really accepting what seems to me to be pretty obvious: that you simply both like each other and neither has the balls to make the first move.

Clearly this man has the potential to make you happy. Opportunity is knocking and you're not answering. You're far too married to your idea that the man absolutely must act first, to the extent that you're making yourself unhappy. You can't just wait for happiness to come to you. Humanity needs more happiness. You need happiness. Please call this person today. Tell him he has been constantly in your thoughts since that day at the beach and you would really like to see him. That's really all it takes. Whatever he says, you will be happier than you are now. If he says yes, then something wonderful has begun. If he says he cannot accept, then you will feel the relief of this episode being over.

Stop the hand-wringing and seize the day!

[elizabeth412]

I did think he was interested throughout the last week or so of emails back and forth (finally!), and I felt good about that. My concern, though, is my last message described above (with the sumo wrestler picture and so forth) has not been responded to, and I am seriously thinking he took offense to that, whether as a professional or personal slight. He picked up the message Saturday morning - still no response. Now I feel like I have lost some ground again!

[dewilliams2]

I have not contacted him for a few reasons: I feel slighted because he didn't contact me, even though my number was given to him in the event a teaching position came within his earshot. He could have called to check on my job search or wish me a happy new year, etc. (I know, I know - expectations can really mess you up, can't they???) Anyway, as bold and comfortable as he seemed in person, I thought he would have had no problem taking the initiative. Now I feel like so much time has gone by, and he is no longer interested. Also, I am very apprehensive about initiating contact, mainly from shyness and my strong belief that men prefer pursuing.

Well doctors can at times get quite busy...maybe he just didn't get to it and then felt the same way you do that its been to long.

You can always call him up and ask if he has heard anything in regards to a teaching opening and ask if he wants to get together for coffee and talk it over.

Just because a guy is confident and bold does not mean he is not shy...I am very shy but that won't get me very far so I put forth confidence and try not to worry about my shyness.

And no guys do not always like to take the lead and pursue...certainly don't be easy but don't be afraid to take point. I don't know how many times I've misread signals and thought a woman was just trying to be friendly only to find out later that she was interested in me through a friend or her actually telling me...men can be thick headed at times....we have to be hit in the head with a signal or two...don't just drop them at our feet.

[elizabeth412]

Do you think that I am overthinking the whole sumo wrestler thing added to my last message to him? That is the only thing I can think of that would nip our communications suddenly - if he took it the wrong way. (Obviously, from his earlier message to me, he would be doing the massage, but I guess I played coy the wrong way.

[Peter Pry]

Do you think that I am overthinking the whole sumo wrestler thing added to my last message to him?

I think you're overthinking everything. Ask him out already!

[dewilliams2]

Maybe he just had nothing to say about it

[elizabeth412]

I originally attached a picture of an offensive sumo wrestler to give life to the ridiculously silly idea that he would have such a masseur in his office. My hindsight after not hearing from him after that email made me think he took offense in some way to the whole sumo wrestler reference. He very well may have. His flirtation in the email about my entitlement to a massage was abundantly clear that he would be giving the massage; I should have just flirted back instead of going a completely different direction with it.

[dewilliams2]

You are seriously thinking to much...just ask him out already...call right now and say...Hey, when you free I wanta get together...thats it

[elizabeth412]

I appreciate the advice to ask this guy out from you guys. However, I can't bring myself to do that now. It was a challenge enough for me to start the communication via email - a big step for me, even though the premise for that was a doctor referral. But you have convinced me that there is reciprocal interest after all this time, unless he has taken some offense to my last message, which he very well may have. Originally, I was going to send him a note of apology for any offense I might have caused with the whole sumo wrestler bit, but your posts have swayed me away from that - at least for now. (I still think it may have been a judgment error on my part.)

[elizabeth412]

Does anyone think that I have to apologize for my last message to him with the sumo wrestler picture and so forth? I still have not heard anything, and it's been over a week since he read it. I can't think of any other legitimate reason why he stopped communicating. If there was someone else, I don't know that she is any more in the picture now than then, right?