Constantly being tested!

[lse_matic]

Hello all, first post here. I am a 27 yr old Male, dating a 29 yr old female.

We've only been dating for around 4 months, and I'd say exclusive for 2. I guess I wouldn't consider myself an "amateur" dater, I've seen pretty much every cause and effect I can imagine in a relationship, and know when to hold my ground.

Up until about 3 weeks ago, everything was always pleasant. I have a very playful personality, and kept her on her toes a lot, and I reveled in her sweet gestures and sex appeal. She is a very confident woman and our chemistry was nearly a "love at first sight" deal, if such a thing exists.

So about 3 weeks the tests started. I would say something stupid, or playful, and she would put a very angry face on, when I confronted her on it, screaming would ensue. The screaming was mostly about the fact that I didn't know what I'd said, and didn't see it as a big deal. The first time, I thought deeply about what I'd said, gave her some space, and came in and apologized for being selfish (as I was being selfish, but didn't warrant a reaction to such an extent). Things seem to move on OK, but I was nearly traumatized by the sudden mood swing she dealt.

So on goes the relationship, as if she had more power as I folded to her sudden mood swing, and she begins to throw them more often. I tried to diffuse the situation in various ways, trying to figure out the goal of her irrationality. The only thing that seemed to work was completely ignoring her, and not acknowledging what a bitch she'd become in a split second. This worked but I wasn't happy, she would still be staring daggers at me as I moved onto a new topic, or when I saw her later after I left the room.

Now, some may say she wants to get rid of me. Well understand the woman still calls me every night when she's off work, asks me to come over, and is perfectly sweet for at least the first hour we're together. The problem is that I now feel like I'm walking on egg shells around her, and can't be myself. So this morning I walked out on her. She saw that I was upset and asked "are you upset?" I paused and looked at and her and before I could answer she said "Good". Completely unprovoked, she'd just been giving me an attitude all morning, so I told her I was upset "because you have absolutely no respect for me", and I left.

Now I know it's natural to be tested in various ways in a relationship, especially when you've become exclusive, but I've never seen the same sort of test go on for so long. It seems like she wants to control me with her attitude, or she's losing respect for me and I have no idea how to react at this point. My closest friend says I need to yell at her, put her in her place and walk out.

I haven't done this yet, and am reluctant only because in the beginning of the relationship she told me how much she hated fighting, was always with very controlling men, and her past relationships always failed because of constant fighting.

I don't know where our relationship stands now as I can't imagine her calling me to apologize, and calling me her would be folding unless I'm calling her to break up.

I guess I'm looking for a female perspective here, as I feel like I'm out of ideas. Any insight will be greatly appreciated!

[sookie6]

Why do you say she is testing you.

I think she is suffering from a sort of anger management issue. She reacts to quicky and her reactions are out of proportions.

Now is this something she picked up on bad relationships before or is she naturally like this.

Only time will tell. Why don't you point it out to her just like you said in your post and see if she gets your point?

I think you are right to stand your ground from day one...don't give her any leeway on this...hopefully this is something that can be corrected...

Depending on who you were with before you can pick up very bad habits. I had an ex who was extra selfish and I became quite selfish too to an extent. It took my following bfriend to make me realise this. I reversed to my old safe...I am quite a considerate person naturally but this had been taken away from me...without my noticing.

[QueenofCorona]

I think she enjoys the drama.

Reminds me of this quote, "“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry.”

If she really cared about you she woudn't be pulling the puppet strings, trying to get under your skin and see what she can get away with. Total bs.

[Doc Durian]

Were her past BF's really controlling types or did she do the exact same thing to them and they fired back at her?

Think about it... while you get the hell out of it as quick as you can.

It's only 2 months.

Imagine the shit you'll be putting up with in 6-12 months.

[lse_matic]

Think about it... while you get the hell out of it as quick as you can. .

This seems to be the most common advice that I'm getting from people.

It's definitely not anything majorly selfish on my part, the selfish comment was about me making a smart comment after she'd been on the phone for 30 minutes, and not greeted me when I came in.

So why do I think it's a test? I'm a really sweet guy and could only imagine she was testing to see if I had any backbone. My reasoning behind that is there is absolutely no substance to her outbursts, yet she acts as if it's all my fault, and even more angry at the fact that I don't understand. Typically things that confuse us in relationships are tests, or games. I could also be rationalizing, as I'm genuinely heart-broken if she's got deeper seeded issues that prevent her from having a successful relationship.

[CAM]

Life is too short to deal with this stuff. Move on and don't waste another minute with her.

[Doc Durian]

This seems to be the most common advice that I'm getting from people.

It's definitely not anything majorly selfish on my part, the selfish comment was about me making a smart comment after she'd been on the phone for 30 minutes, and not greeted me when I came in.

So why do I think it's a test? I'm a really sweet guy and could only imagine she was testing to see if I had any backbone. My reasoning behind that is there is absolutely no substance to her outbursts, yet she acts as if it's all my fault, and even more angry at the fact that I don't understand. Typically things that confuse us in relationships are tests, or games. I could also be rationalizing, as I'm genuinely heart-broken if she's got deeper seeded issues that prevent her from having a successful relationship.

Sometimes it's necessary to lay down the law.

I remember getting into a heated argument with a new girlfriend many years ago and telling her and her semi obnoxious mouth of that time to leave my13th story apartment.

She refused and fired up with a "you can't tell me what to do" sort of thing.

It was only then that I pointed to the open window and balcony, followed by the front door...and calmly stated, "door or window, you're exiting out of one of them. Your choice, doll."

She behaved herself the following days

We still bust up laughing about it till this day.