Can you recover after appearing desperate/needy?

[Solid]

Well, I'm pretty sure she still loves me... And I also forgot to mention that she has acted kinda weird lately as well, which makes me think she hasn't gotten over me yet. For example, she texted me saying "I'm in town this weekend... Do you want the rest of your stuff? I'll drop it off." I missed the text because I was in the shower. She sends me another text saying "I'm dropping off your stuff now. And I don't want to talk." So about 20 minutes later I finally see these messages, and I text her saying "Yeah that's cool, just text me when you get here."

So over an hour passes... No text from her. So I text her saying "Ta-ta-ta-ta-today junior! jk, you coming or what?" She says "I was there. Waited for five minutes and you didn't respond. So I left." I sarcastically say "My bad, I guess I should've taken my cell phone into the shower with me eh???" To which she replied "I'm busy now. I'll bring it tomorrow."

So... The next day, I text her saying "Hey, if you're still dropping off my stuff, just let me know when you're comin. Thanks." Five hours pass... Finally she texts me saying "Can't drop off your stuff. Guess I'll have to do it next time I'm in town."

So, here's what puzzles me: (1) Her father's house, where she was staying that weekend, is literally a one minute drive away from my house. So, what reason could she possibly have not to make that little detour? I even said to her: "We don't have to see each other, to avoid the awkwardness. You can just leave it at my door if you want." But she still refused. And (2) If she's really over me, wouldn't she be eager to get rid of my stuff? Why hang on to it? Why not take the one minute drive from your house to my house, drop it off at my door, and forget about me?

[Illusional]

i think that you're looking into this too much. maybe she was in a rush, there could be a lot of reasons. i suggest that if anything, you should be patient and just talk to her.

raverboy

[Solid]

I'd love to talk to her... But she's not open to that possibility right now. Believe me, I've tried.

I think the best thing I can do is remain patient, calm, and let her clear her head. Sooner or later, she'll contact me. (She still has my stuff after all). And at that point, I may even act as though I'm not interested in getting back together at all... Say something like, "I agree with your decision. It was the right thing to do." A little reverse psychology? Obviously my previous attempts haven't worked. So, maybe that will.

[Illusional]

yes, i also concur.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

The most recent letter I sent her said something along the lines of "I'd like to preserve whatever shred of dignity I have left (if any), so I'm not begging or pleading with you anymore. I know that deep down, beneath my issues, there is a good man. And if you don't care enough about me to believe that, then I don't know why I'm fighting so hard for us in the first place."

I sent that a few days ago... Haven't heard from her yet. Probably won't at all. But, if nothing else, I just wanted my last words to her to be more respectable than the pathetic begging I was doing a few weeks ago.

Dude, I don't know your specific issues, but if I got a letter like that from someone who frustrated me enough to walk after giving my heart & soul to get you to change.... that is NOT the kind of letter that would convince me you had an epiphany. So, no, you probably won't hear from her if that is what you sent.

You are going to ask me what you should have said. I'm not going to tell you, except to say you are coming at things from the completely wrong perspective. Hope that helps. Good luck.

[Solid]

Fair enough... However, I should point out that was just one paragraph... From a nine-page letter. Trust me, I did a lot of apologizing in that letter too. Also wrote three poems... One about her beauty, one was an ode to her cat, and the last one was about the journey of our relationship. It was a really nice letter. I took responsibility for everything I did wrong, and I told her I was doing everything I possibly could to become a better person.

I agree that one statement might be interpreted as a bit aggressive perhaps... But, like I said, it wasn't the focal point of my message. It was just a small part of the message. And I still think it was a good idea to include it... Because it's true. If she doesn't believe I can change, then why am I wasting my time trying to make things work with her?

[tropigal82]

Things will work out the moment you stop trying to make them work out, for better or for worse. Its the laws of the universe :-)

[the kind]

[QUOTE=Solid;554513]Hey everyone... My girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. She ended things, due to my jealous/immature actions. Following the breakup, I tried pleading with her... And even begging. I even told her that I would cry myself to sleep... BIG MISTAKE, I know. There's nothing more unattractive to a woman than a man who appears needy and desperate.

After a couple weeks of no contact... I made her this big card, with 50 reasons why I love her, and bunch of other stuff that I thought would have an impact... But nope.

This was the first time a girl's ever broken up with me... So I had no idea how to deal with it. But after talking with friends, and reading up on strategies on the internet, I discovered that the best thing to do is to move on with my life, and not contact her for a while.

However... I'm worried that my desperate tactics may have dug a hole too deep for me to get out of. Is there any chance for me to recover from that? Or did I sabotage my chances completely?

Also, although I'm going to refrain from contacting her in general... I'm wondering if I should make an exception for Valentine's Day tomorrow? Just a text message saying something like "Hey stranger, just wanted to say Happy V-day." Or should I just stick to the no-contact thing?

Thanks ladies.

the good things u can do for ur girl friend to get another girl friend then she will run behiend u

[DonkeyKong]

NINE pages?!?! Poems?!?! Hate to break it t you, man, but she probably didn't even read the whole thing. Put yourself in her position. If it were you who wanted to end things, would you want to sit and read through all that? Writing a nine page letter with poems just makes it seem like you have nothing better to do with your new free time than sit around pining for her, which is not an attractive quality at all. My girl and I broke up a couple of months ago, and I started out feeling like you did, acting all depressed and needy and all that. Now that I've finally realized that it's over and have started to move on I feel a lot better. I've been making huge changes in my life, things I always wanted to do before but was too lazy or unmotivated to actually follow through with (working out, writing, hanging out with other friends more often...and soon I'll be getting a new hair style, new glasses, and a new tattoo) and trust me, you'll feel a lot better about your situation if you focus on self-improvement and stop worrying about her. Yeah, it hurts me to think about my ex with another guy (especially since we plan on remaining friends, and so I am completely aware of her new relationship even though we're 2 weeks into NC) but I can honestly say I'm not losing sleep over it anymore. I feel better about myself than I've felt in years, even though I've lost her. And when you feel better about yourself, you make yourself attractive to other people just by the way you carry yourself, and that includes both HER and any new people you might meet, be they potential dates or even just new friends.

[Solid]

What makes the breakup so difficult for me to accept, and move on... Is that it was based on something that was totally fixable. If it was because she didn't love me anymore or something that couldn't be changed, then yeah, I'd be like "Have a nice life." But jealousy? Trust issues? These are immature things that can be overcome. It's just a matter of whether or not she'll let me show her that.

I definitely need to chill out though... And stop with the romantic gestures. Because she probably does not want any of that stuff right now. I just need a way to open the lines of communication somehow.