I think I'm in love with a good friend of my girlfriend...

[spriteh]

I'm falling in love with a god friend of my current girlfriend. I used to be unsure if I actually loved her, but the more I'm with her and the more I'm with my gf, things become more certain. I notice my feelings for my girlfriend fading, and I enjoy spending (romantic) time with her considerably less. Her friend (who I've actually known for longer than my girlfriend) however, is becoming more and more interesting to me as time passes. Every time I talk to her, things seem so perfect. Each new second I spend with her makes me more and more certain that shes the one I'm meant to be with. I'm fairly certain that she's interested in me, too.

But of course there's an issue. I still admire and respect my current girlfriend, and I would love to remain friends with her. She is slightly emotionally unstable and the breakup would really hurt her. I was once talking about our future together. I told her that no matter what, I don't want her to worry about hurting me if she feels like the relationship isn't working out. I said this because she seems to still have feelings for some former loves, and I hated the thought of our commitment ruining her true feelings. At this point I was still in love with her, but I worry about her so much that I felt it was the right thing to tell her this. However, just the entirely hypothetical thought of breaking up with me reduced her to tears. I can't imagine what it would be like if we actually split.

Then there's but another issue; she's good friends with the girl I love. I see them both frequently (together) and enjoy spending time with both of them at once. I couldn't stand it if my choices did too much to hurt their friendship or the good times we have together.

I really don't have any idea how to approach the situation. I don't know who to talk to first, or what to say. I don't know how I can possibly make the situation okay between them and ensure that there is no bitterness towards myself or either girl. It seems impossible. I assume I should wait awhile after the breakup, not an immediate switch (which would make it obvious that I left my gf for her friend). I know the situation will not be perfect and there's no way to make sure of everything I've stated. But if anybody has any information on how to approach the situation or answers to any of my questions, I would love (and truly need) the help. Thanks so much and I'm dying for some good advice.

[sookie6]

I don't think you should pursue this other girl..at least for now...

You attraction to her first and foremost shows one thing; it 's that you want out on your current relationship. This is like an alarm bell that is saying something is wrong with staying with this girl...the other girl is just the representation of what you might be missing out by remaining in a relationship that is not fulfilling.

If you want the other girl to have respect for you, take time to initiate and finalise the break up in a clean and honest manner.

If you're meant to be then you'll both find a way to be together.

[Bumble_bee]

you sound like a guy who has morals, and deep values about relationships and friendships....I suspect that if you did give in to these feelings and go for the friend of your GF, eventually, the feelings of guilt and all those values being thrown out of the window would override any happiness you think you could have with the other lady. instead you'll be neck deep in drama and having to constantly try and hold your new relationship together, while trying to comfort the broken heart/friendship....doesn't sound like much fun to me.

[vashti]

Break up with your girlfriend. You obviously don't belong together. And you can forget about being friends with her. People almost NEVER handle going from lovers to friends very well.

Your interest in the other girl may diminish once you are are free, but in any case, I don't suggest you date her for a while after you break up with your girlfriend.

[spriteh]

My only problem with all of this is that I don't know how long I can go on without getting this off of my chest. What if I told the friend that I was interested in her, but also indicated that it's not an option for us to be in a relationship after I break up. I would tell her that if It is going to happen, we'll have to wait until things are cool between the three of us and we know that it won't cause problems. Would this make any difference at all?

[Lipp]

Polygamy!

Okay, maybe not.You should already consider your current relationship over - which gives you a "Either it works or it doesn't, too bad" approach rather than trying to preserve the current relationship, and I reckon the best way to get around this is if both girls understand the situation well and hopefully accept it - seems very unlikely to work out either way if things end on less-than-good terms, girls are probably stricter than guys when it comes to dating friends' exes, not to mention all the gossip about their complaints and suggestions to one another.

If it was me I think I'd actually invite them both over for a talk and, well, simply put it out there and explain it. One way or another your current girlfriend and you are through, and if they both consent you and the other one can start dating, and if your girlfriend becomes upset at least the other girl get's an non-digested view rather than having to hear the skewed story through your girlfriend, and thus might date you regardless, and if they don't approve, then I doubt it'd work out anyways (unless you started dating secretly, which seems unlikely and is bound for trouble).

[spriteh]

Lipp, what you said makes a ridiculous amount of sense. Thanks a lot. But wouldn't my girlfriend think it odd that I broke up with her in front of her friend? That just seems very odd to me...

[sookie6]

If it was me I think I'd actually invite them both over for a talk and, well, simply put it out there and explain it. One way or another your current girlfriend and you are through, and if they both consent you and the other one can start dating, and if your girlfriend becomes upset at least the other girl get's an non-digested view rather than having to hear the skewed story through your girlfriend, and thus might date you regardless, and if they don't approve, then I doubt it'd work out anyways (unless you started dating secretly, which seems unlikely and is bound for trouble).

Now someone is watching too many sitcoms here!!!!
How is this one gonna work in real life?
Humiliating for the current gfriend and embarassing for the other girl.

These matters should really be resolved in private and your priority is ending the current relationship. You won't be able to resolve both issues simultaneously.

Your feelings for the other girls have to remain secondary out of decency for your gfriend.

then after a while once feelings have cooled of a bit you will be able to approach the other girl...