Girlfriend won't talk to me, I have no idea what's going on; help!

[jimmyjack]

Hello,

I am new here, but I am having some serious issues with my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. We've been together almost 4 months, we're both 25 and we have exchanged I love you's for at least a month.

We got into a fight a few days ago about her family. I told her I felt as though her family's word and desires always superseded mine, and that she wasn't being fair to me. She disagreed, and I told her she needed to analyze how she was with me because I didn't believe she was being fair to me. She countered by saying she did need time to think, including about whether she should be in this relationship or not.

We got off the phone, 3pm Sat., and we had no contact after that. I tried to call her Sunday at around 6pm, no answer. I tried to call a few more times, sent a few texts, no answer, no response. I even went to her house to talk to her that night, she wouldn't talk to me. She didn't say a word, didn't answer the door, but she was definitely home. Earlier that night, she deleted photos of us from her facebook page, but did not change her relationship status which still says we're in a relationship.

I sent her a text and left a voicemail Monday morning, asking her to call me. She never did. Now it's Tuesday, and I sent a text and left a voicemail an hour and a half ago, still no response. I have no idea what's going on here. This is all very confusing and very troubling. I don't handle this sort of thing well, and I'm unable to think about anything else. I'm feeling very anxious and emotional about this.

I guess it bears mentioning that she has never had a good relationship in the past, and never told anyone she loved them before. She also said in the past, when she had a significant fight with a boyfriend, she just walked away from the relationship. But we've had one big fight before, bigger than this, and we worked it out after a day or two.

Why is she doing this? What happened to her love? Is all lost? Can this be saved? What does this all mean? I'm at a total loss here, and am very willing to hear what others have to say.

Thanks

[Gigabitch]

You're dating a volatile child. You can probably salvage your relationship by sacrificing your self respect.

Is it worth it?

[jimmyjack]

You're dating a volatile child. You can probably salvage your relationship by sacrificing your self respect.

Is it worth it?

You have a point: it's probably not worth sacrificing self respect. So you think she is being childish?

[davidtorres]

well you made her choose between you and her family so she chose her family.

[jimmyjack]

well you made her choose between you and her family so she chose her family.

That's not exactly what it was about. I just expressed to her that I didn't feel like she was giving me a fair say in how things go in comparison with her family. In short, she allowed her family's decisions and thoughts to impact our relationship and things that we did, but my thoughts and desires were not given the same importance. Our relationship is very close, and she had told me that her family and I were at the same priority level for her. But lately, that didn't seem to be the case - I felt pushed to the back burner. That's what triggered the disagreement.

[starbuck]

You've only been dating for 4 months and think that you should be as equally important to her as her family? This sounds a little bit controlling to me. Of course you're not as important to her right now. After only 4 months why would you be?

You're screwing yourself by setting up a dynamic where you oppose them and she feels like she has to choose...and guess who she's choosing?

She's handing it in a very immature way, but I don't think she's wrong for being pissed.

[Okay]

Family is reliable, you have not proved to be yet, four months isn't a long time!

[Lite]

I'm not sure she should be pissed like Starbuck says, but I wouldn't blame her for being upset.

Then again, perhaps you're actually beneath her, and her family is letting her know this. Frankly you've given us nothing other than you feel you're not important enough to dictate her life to her like her family could after 4 months. Are you some sort of controlling freak?

[jimmyjack]

Perhaps I am explaining this wrong...

I am not controlling in the least. The point is, I don't think she was being fair to me in general. Was I pushing her to choose me over her family? Of course not. And I told her that I wasn't.

Maybe it will be clearer if I give an example. I have invited her to stay at my place a few times, and she has, but she has been hesitant to do so when word has gotten back to her parents that she was staying with me. Now keep in mind that she doesn't live with her parents, and as I mentioned she is 25, but she still has some weird hangups about certain things like she's still a teenager. These are the sort of situations I'm talking about, where I'm being unfairly penalized because of her family. Hopefully that makes a little more sense.

The main issue I'm having, and the whole reason for my post, is that I don't know what to make of her shutting me out like this. I never would have expected her to act like this, and our fight that started everything wasn't even that heated. I'm shocked that as of this writing, she still has not so much as sent a text message or called to say anything to me. I am more than willing to work things out and have a talk about what's going on, as I said in a voicemail I left for her yesterday and a text message. I am keeping my distance (tried to reach her just once Monday and once Tuesday), but I am just having a really hard time dealing with this.

Friends have been telling me she is being immature and showing a total lack of respect for me, since she can't even bother to make any contact with me whatsoever. I just don't know what to do at this point - I really love this girl and want to work things out with her, but I think she's being very cold right now.

[Okay]

Well.. does she come from a very Traditional family? Perhaps the problems had stemmed from her family not liking that she stayed over at your house - disapproval? Parents can put alot of pressure on their daughter, no matter what age they are. I say this because my parents are very overprotective and (somewhat controlling) and no matter how much I love my bf (which I love him a lot), my parents have the final say, because they are my parents and they are wise and they 'do whats best' etc etc.

[Gigabitch]

Regardless of whether or not she's got a right to be pissed off, the way she's handling it is asinine and unacceptable. She's 25, not 10, for God's sake.

[jimmyjack]

Regardless of whether or not she's got a right to be pissed off, the way she's handling it is asinine and unacceptable. She's 25, not 10, for God's sake.

Thanks Gigabitch. That really does help. I know I am really broken up about this, but knowing that I'm not wrong for feeling like she's being very immature and harsh does provide a level of comfort.

[Lite]

Regardless of whether or not she's got a right to be pissed off, the way she's handling it is asinine and unacceptable. She's 25, not 10, for God's sake.

LOL where were you when I was divorcing my wife and telling her this? Her response to being bitchy was, "I'm a princess!"

[sudeep13582]

I think your gf is not worth a good relation.. or she is disturbed mind..if the things u said are all correct... this type of girls dont have any attitude or tendency to make up a fight or to create an understanding be tween both of the couple... if she dont want then leave her alone.. if you have her.. you wil get het... in future.. and then that will be ur turn to think about