She left me after 3 years :/

[Spaz1one1]

Alright, first off.. for any of you that are gonna read this and give me some advice,
You have a big heart.. Seriously and I appreciate it so much! Here we go..

Okay well,
My ex and I broke up about a month ago, we've been together for 3 years and 2 months.
Just like every relationship, we went through alot of up's and down's, and the relationship ended on a bad not I suppose.
She left me because she no longer felt appreciated, and saw that I was never going to change no matter how many times I did or how many chances she gave me. She got fed up with it and put her foot down.

After the break up, I made alot of mistakes. I texted her all day, kept calling her, bothering her, etc. I even tried manipulating and getting her back using logic. Which later I read on many advice pages was the WRONG thing to do.
Instead of giving her space, I kept pushing her farther away.

Well two weeks after the break up I realized I had no choice but to give her space and cut communication, so I did.
Three days later she's texting me and wanting to fix things. I ignored her texts and calls for a day and finally picked up and she came over my house. We talked about fixing things for a bit , and she told me she still in love with me and I could clearly tell she was. Over the next two weeks I saw her every weekend and each time I would see her she was head over heels for me! Every night I saw her she would text me hearts and xoxo's and smileys and call me Sunshine and Love, etc.
But the very next day she wouldnt talk to me, and everything would sort of fall back into the sad zone

Also, she's talking to some guy in another city which I see is probably the problem. Everytime she misses me or feels sad, she calls him and talks to him and I guess he makes her feel better and she likes him :/
I feel like eventually it'll die, cuz they live far away from eachother and it can only go so far over the phone..
Anyways, I might see her next week and I need advice on the following:
Should I even see her? Should I give her a last taste of me before cutting communication again? For example, I take her out Friday on a date, make her head over heels for me and be the person she fell in love with, and then cut communication and tell her "Look, if you want this to work out, then let me know, but we cannot be friends and we can't continue to repeat this pattern cuz it'll go no where"

OR

Should I just cut the communication now? The reason I don't wanna cut the communication right now is cause I feel like she won't have much to miss. She's already gotten a bit over me (I can tell cuz she never texts me or anything and she likes that one guy) I wanna give her the last memory, the last impression, and then cut it so she could be reminded and have good memories to dwell upon....

What do you people think? I appreciate all help thank you so much!

[gartlas]

Well the problem I see is when she " misses you" or feels sad she calls him? why would she call him if she was missing You? and if you wanna stay with her , the idea of taking her out and saying all or nothing seems viable. BUt taking her out for a good time and then cutting it off seems a bit cruel to my mind

[Spaz1one1]

I understand your perspective, but the reason I want to take her out for a good time and cut it is not to be cruel, it's to give her something to "miss". Its been about a month since we broke up, and I feel like theres not much shes missing...

[gartlas]

Sneaky , I like it XD . and well its a dodgy game to play , but if you think it'll work then go for it. I mean , advice is all well and good but you know her as a person. Do what you think will work for her.

[Spaz1one1]

Well thanks.
And I just recently (10 minutes ago) found out she's "dating" the guy from the other city.

She met him a week after we broke up, and ever since then all they do is talk on the phone and text.. I don't understand why she's doing this..... :[ FML.

[gartlas]

Wow,,,,I spoke too soon I guess. and well...I think its game over for you then . She's obviously moved on , and spending time with you again was a way for her to assuage her guilt. I think you should move on as well

[Doc Durian]

Delete her texts and her phone number. Cut all communications and maintain complete silence to her. Start dating yourself.

[Spaz1one1]

Alright well I just talked to her on the phone
And its clear they are talking but she said she's not dating him.
She said whats the point if theyre in different cities.

And anyhow, Idk if this was the right or wrong thing to do, but what do I have to lose now? Nothing.

I asked her if she wanted to just work with what we have left. Obv. we still have feelings for eachother and the chemistry is still there. She asked me what I meant by "work with what we have left"
and i told her, "Obviously im not gonna say to get back with me, cuz u wont. But what I mean is, why dont we atleast act like we are sorta still together, and have no plans of being together in the future. U'll still go to prom with me, and we'll work like this until I go to college (Im a senior in HS)."
She ended up agreeing to do the above . She also told me she can't ever see us together again cuz it wont be the same -_-.
I told her obviously it wont, the past is the past. If we were ever to get together again, it'll be a whole new relationship.

She told me she just wants me to get over her already and blah blah blah..
I don;t wanna get over her, I want things to be good again. I find it impossible to believe theres no hope left.
If i become the person she fell in love with, and show it to her (this is why I asked her to work with what we have left, so I can possibly see if she would fall in love with me again) why wouldnt she want me back? It's the me she was happy with before, minus all the reasons she ended up leaving me for.

[Doc Durian]

Scalpel her out of your life with surgical precision and move on. Pretending to be together is twisted and harmful to the heart, soul, and mind.

[Spaz1one1]

I understand eventually I will find happiness, whether it's with her or not.
But I want to give it this last try.
Obviously if she's ok acting like we're together, it'll open up chances for me to have her fall in love with me again ( if I play my cards right)..
Like what if we do act like were together and we go out on dates and have fun, and she realizes "Wow, this is the man I fell in love with before, and perhaps I really do want to be with him again"

[Doc Durian]

You can't mold somebody or trick them into feeling anything lasting in the love stakes.

It's obvious that you care about her very much and would like to be in a committed relationship with her.

She's not interested in that, though. She seems interested in filling up time and/or keeping up the appearance of being involved in a relationship.

Part of being a man is doing what has to be done despite it feeling unnatural or wrong. Take for instance the fellow who hacked his crushed arm off to free himself from a boulder a couple weeks ago or someone who has got their hand snared in a lobster hole as the tide comes rolling in. In war, sometimes it's necessary to call in an aerial bombardment right over your position. It works the same way with dead end relationships.

Be her friend if you can but don't be an arm ornament. You're only prolonging a lie and future grief when she does exactly as she's already decided. Leaves and hooks up with someone else. Hanging on makes you look weak in her eyes too. Remember that.

[Spaz1one1]

It sucks cuz, as much as I want to argue back with you and tell you otherwise, you're totally right. And I guess its normal to feel this way, just like every heartbroken person out there, they never want to accept the truth. But I dont know, it seems to me that you're basically saying that her decision is permanent.
I will eventually let go when I feel comfortable letting go, as I am not yet at that stage.
But, its just so hard...
Every time I've seen her since our break-up, her feelings ALWAYS come back and she's head over heels for me all over again.

So love is still there, and perhaps she's confused. And again, I admit she hasn't really had time to miss me. Sure it's been a month since we broke up, but I've been begging and bothering her ever since, and when I did ignore her (for what? Like 2-3 days), she came back every single time and i took her back in right away..

For me, she's been long gone, but for her, I dont think I've been really "gone" in her mindset.

EDIT: Also , she always tries getting me jealous. Talking about people texting her, and sending her "get well flowers" and she told me because last week she was depressed cuz she missed me -_- "

[Doc Durian]

There's always a possibility of getting it right at a future date. Nothing is guaranteed in this life.

But begging her, letting her use you as a bf stand in, and trying to strategically trap her isn't going to do you any favours to that possibility.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah, you're right.
I dont know.
I guess the whole "acting like we're still together" thing is a pretty bad idea after all.

Maybe I'll see her this weekend. I'll give her a good time, I'll show her the man she once fell in love with. And from past experiences, she goes head over heels for me when she sees me and when she gets home she texts me like crazy and acts all happy. And from that moment, I guess that's when I'll tell her "Look this can't go on any longer. If u want to try things again in the future then call me and we'll see where it goes from there. But if not, don't ever text me or call me again, because friendship isn't what I'm looking for in you"

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, keep doing that until you're thoroughly shredded.

Then come back here and read the countless threads where people are advised to initiate NC (No Contact) when they get dumped and then come back and thank us for helping them.