Boyfriend has problems showing affection?

[taintedpoet]

Hey, this is going to take a while to explain, but please bear with me. (:

So I'm female, 16, and will be turning 17 this month. My boyfriend is 18. We're both at school together and our relationship is slightly out of the norm because I was the one to ask him out. I've only had one boyfriend before, about three years ago, and it was not serious at all. As far as I know my boyfriend has only had one other girlfriend, which lasted for a couple of months. Anyways, we've been going out for about 10 months now but we haven't kissed. Crazy, I know, but it's all very cute and adorable.

I'm young and new to the whole relationship thing; I've never been kissed, never had sex, etc etc. I'm also naturally quite a shy person, but my boyfriend is shy to the extreme. When we're at school, where we usually see each other every day, I have to initiate physical contact or else it won't happen. I'll hug him, hold his hands, cuddle up to him, if I'm feeling adventurous kiss the top of his head - he will respond nicely enough but usually never start any of these things himself. It's as though he's unable to be romantic or spontaneous.

He really seems to have a problem with physical contact and seems to be afraid to act like my boyfriend around others. I understand he may be shy, but after all it has been 10 months and it just seems like I'm doing all the work here. In situations where normal couples would be relaxed and physically close, we're not: for example, when watching a movie with him I have to rest my head on his shoulder first or else we just won't touch. Also, if I want to see him at school, I have to be the one to go and see him; he won't ever come and find me. When we say goodbye he usually won't hug me unless I insist, and it gets frustrating because it seems like he's reluctant to acknowledge me and sometimes doesn't really care about me.

I'm shy too around him but it seems like he's not even willing to make an effort. He's had several opportunities to kiss me but has never taken them, so I'm getting the feeling that, like me, he may never have been kissed before. Even so this is getting a little ridiculous.

Obviously, outside of school when we're alone together he's much less shy, and will usually be happy to hold my hand. But the problem is, he's very hardworking and has recently been accepted into an amazing university, so now he's on work overload to try and achieve the grades he needs and for the past few weeks has been unable to do anything at the weekend since he's so busy. Thus I have lost my only real chance to try and kiss him or initiate a more intimate relationship, so I'm starting to go a little insane.

I've sort of tried talking to him about this, and have jokingly said 'Why are you so afraid of me?' Like, why is he afraid to touch me? Why is he afraid to act like he's my boyfriend? But it's difficult to talk properly at school and I feel I could discuss this all sincerely if only I could see him at the weekend. I've tried to be understanding, but I don't want to interrupt his work because I know he would never forgive himself (or me) if he didn't get the grades he needed and felt though he could have if he had worked a little harder. But still, it's upsetting not being able to see him as much as I'd like, and if we don't make time for each other in this relationship then it sort of seems like... what's the point?

As you can see, I've driven myself in circles thinking about this. At this point you may think we seem like an incredibly flawed couple but honestly, we work well together and I do care for him very deeply. He's a wonderful person; kind, thoughtful, sweet, and generally very open to me. The only problem is his difficulty in expressing affection. It's terrible seeing others, who've only been going out a few months, acting all lovey-dovey, whilst he's still sometimes uncomfortable with holding me in his arms. I'd just like us to be relaxed around each other and function like a normal couple.

I know some guys are not as into physical affection as girls but this all seems a little extreme. We've had some truly wonderful times together, and I do really really like him, but it's as though at the moment our relationship is just hanging in limbo. When we're walking along the beach at night, holding hands, I feel so complete: it's like nothing I've ever felt before and I can't believe he doesn't feel the same thing. However, it seems like this affection problem is starting to come between us as time goes on, and I don't want to lose him.

If you read all of that, well done and you deserve several large cookies. (:

So, how can I coax him out of his shell? Is it normal for us to be having these problems and for him to be so shy? I would hugely appreciate any advice or feedback!

[Rich]

See what happens on Valentines day.
If you dont kiss on that day, I'd ask him properly about all of this.

Hope I've helped a bit but female advice may be more helpful/insightful.

[1337lizard]

Look him straight in the eye and tell him you want a kiss from him.

If he says no, discuss why.

If he doesn't say anything and kisses you, then I think you're intimacy problems might end.

[love2010]

I am a 26 year old male and when i was your age i did the same exact thing to my girlfriend your boyfriend is doing to you.. I was embarrassed to show any affection on school property i think its normal. My girl also initiated everything she kinda asked me out so don't feel bad boys at that age are just scared. So don't beat yourself just keep showing him how much you care, but don't take it to far.

[girl68]

I think it's quite simple. He's not an affectionate bloke. Ever.

[taintedpoet]

Thanks very much for the comments, especially you love2010! It's nice to know I'm not alone in this. (:

Anyway, after confronting him with all of this unfortunately today my boyfriend decided it would be best if we broke up because of the strain on our relationship. If you're lovely and want to help me out even more you can take a look at my other thread entitled "Confusing break up: is it really over?" on the Broken Hearts forum (I'd post the link directly but I need a post count of at least 15 to do so).

Thanks again! (:

[Gigabitch]

My high school boyfriend was a freakin' octopus.