PLaying hard to get: How much is too much

[LailaK]

Question for the fellas...

I'm really into this guy and I don't want to eff it up by being eager.

I understand that guys enjoy a challenge so while I've been friendly and flirty I've also been hard to reach, super busy and at times preoccupied.

My question to you is, how much is too much? At which point in the game do you bail?

Thanks,
L

[VincenzoG91]

I've heard of playing "hard to get", but I've personally never been able to tell the difference between hard to get and unavailable.

So when a woman is "friendly and flirty" but also "hard to reach, super busy and at times preoccupied," I rapidly reach the conclusion that she is a friendly and flirty person who isn't particularly interested in me.

If this guy is really interested in you, I don't see how your eagerness would be a problem. If he isn't really interested in you, playing mindgames seems unlikely to change that interest level.

[DoesntMatter]

I would never chase a girl

[Junket]

I've heard of playing "hard to get", but I've personally never been able to tell the difference between hard to get and unavailable.

So when a woman is "friendly and flirty" but also "hard to reach, super busy and at times preoccupied," I rapidly reach the conclusion that she is a friendly and flirty person who isn't particularly interested in me.

If this guy is really interested in you, I don't see how your eagerness would be a problem. If he isn't really interested in you, playing mindgames seems unlikely to change that interest level.

I agree.

If he's not playing games, why should you?

[LailaK]

If you read some of my other posts you'll see that I've ruined my chances with some men by being honest ie indicating that I liked them too early in the process.

With this guy in particular, we went on a great date and the next morning I texted him. Mistake. He didn't return my text for 2 days. He started a pattern of not contacting me for days (sometimes a full week) at a time and it wasn't until I started to play hard to get that he started to show interest in me again.

Now the shoe is on the other foot and he is chasing me because I am "uninterested". It's stupid, but it's the game we're playing. Whatever. Some guys (mainly the guys I seem to be attracted too) seem to enjoy this.

My question is: How much "Hard to get" is too much.

[LailaK]

Also, the other guys that I was seeing and am now ignoring are currently blowing up my phone/IM. It seems to work to me.

[VincenzoG91]

It sounds like you are all enjoying the game, so play on. There are no rules in love and war.

[LailaK]

Yes. I've realized that I enjoy a challenge and I'm attracted to a guy who is like minded in that way.

[SirWagginston]

I'm going to have to agree with the other guys, here. How much I like someone is not based upon how much they try to contact me. The more I like you, the more contact I will want with you, and the less I like you, the less contact I will want with you. If your level of contact with me does not match my desired level, my instincts do not tell me to try harder. My instincts tell me that you don't dig me as much as I'd hoped, and I subsequently start to back off. If you actually did like me as much as I'd hoped, playing hard to get would be very counter-productive.

[Tallgeese]

Dear Ms. Milton Bradley, leave the games at home. It is hard enough for guys like me to understand women already but when you pretend to be not interested to make him want you more, how are we suppose to know when your actions tells us something different?

[shheadz]

It's all good so long as you're flirtatious when you do talk. Beyond that you can be as unavailable as you want. Watch out though as he'll be scouting out other women while you're playing hard to get. He could end up slipping away.

[LailaK]

It's all good so long as you're flirtatious when you do talk. Beyond that you can be as unavailable as you want. Watch out though as he'll be scouting out other women while you're playing hard to get. He could end up slipping away.

Great point. That works both ways though. I'll only play these games for as long as necessary. I'd prefer he'd be just as interested in me without me having to pretend I'm not as interested in him. But I guess then he wouldn't be a challenge huh.

[SirWagginston]

Have you considered going after guys that are a little more straightforward and honest with themselves and others?

[BarmyArmy]

Hard to get is normally when people are stuck and dont no what they really want.

Be straight up, if you like someone tell them, if its not too early and he gets scared.
Maybe go out couple more times then say it

[LailaK]

Have you considered going after guys that are a little more straightforward and honest with themselves and others?

I tried dating someone very straight forward. In the end I wasn't attracted to him because there was no challenge and I had to let him go.

Hard to get is normally when people are stuck and dont no what they really want.

Be straight up, if you like someone tell them, if its not too early and he gets scared.
Maybe go out couple more times then say it

I was doing this for a while and it never worked for me. It may be good advice for some but in my experience it's no good. Guys may say they want a girl who's honest and straight forward but when they get it, it's not what they want at all. I used to chalk it up to "He's just not interested" but I noticed that when I'd start to pull away they would get worried and start giving me the attention I wanted from them in the first place. Very confusing behavior. Unfortunately for me (and them) when I'm over a guy I'm over him. No take backs.