Big mistake going to strip club -- advice wanted

[Mr. Be]

Hello,

I am a very happily married man who is very much in love with my wife of 8 years. We also have a wonderful young son.

Before I met my wife I would occasionally go to strip bars with my friends (maybe once/year). These experiences were always quite tame, except for being in the presence of naked women, of course.

After we entered the relationship my wife made it very clear that attending a strip bar was not OK, and in her mind was potentially grounds for divorce. I felt this was a strong reaction and I am not sure if she is 100% serious about this, but I consented since I had no intention of ever going to one again anyway.

Before I get into the story and recieve a big backlash I must tell you that I have been completely faithful and a good husband and father for those 8 years, including avoiding any strip bars.

Recently, however, I was on an overnight business trip about 500 miles from home. Usually I sit in my hotel room, watch TV and go to sleep. On this particular night, however, my hotel was near the downtown so I decided to go out and have a drink or two before retiring for the night.

My intention was to go to one of the many pubs in the area. Unfortunately very close to my hotel I passed by a strip club and I thought to myself "This is a place where a guy can sit and have a drink by himself and not seem out of place. What harm can come of it?" ...man was I wrong!

As soon as I sat down and ordered a drink, out of nowhere a 'dancer' sits down uninvited on my lap. She was acting quite strangely (possibly high), and between somewhat normal conversation would say things in my ear like "what does your wife do to make you cum?".

I honestly was becomming a little agitated and realize now I should have just got up and left. At one point I even said "I need to go because my wife would kill me if she knew I was here." However, she was very aggressive and kept telling me that I had to have a dance with her and I couldn't leave, etc. etc.

In retrospect I recognize how naive this was, but I said OK, one dance, thinking that I could do that and then just get the heck out of the place.

As soon as we went into the 'private area', things went from bad to worse. She was incredibly aggressive, including starting to unbutton my shirt and trying to kiss me. I was very uncomfortable and made that clear -- looking back, I think that just made her more agitated.

Nonetheless, after the song I said thanks, tried to give her the cash and leave. But she wouldn't have any of it, saying that she had a three dance minimum and if I wanted to leave it would be $60! I only brought $40 out with me for the whole night, so I tried to reason with her (big mistake) and finally realized that the best way to avoid a huge scene (and probably being dealt with by 'security') was siimply to go and get the cash.

Here things go from worse to terrible. Before she would let me leave for the bank machine I had to leave some 'collateral'. I tried to leave my tie, but she insisted that I had to give her my ID to prove I would come back. Stupidly I did so.

After searching around town for a bank machine I returned about 15 minutes later with the cash. And when I returned the 'dancer' demanded another $100 or she would "Tell my wife all about what happened" -- I stupidly hadn't realized that she would have my address from my ID. At that point I finally said no way, took my ID back and left.

Of course, knowing that an unstable stripper has my home address and might contact my wife with who knows what story, I have barely slept since I returned. This is on top of the extreme guilt I feel for having gone to the strip bar in the first place!

Fortunately we have an unlisted phone number so the stripper will not be able to call my home. However, she could send something through the mail or, knowing my name, possibly contact me through work. This has not happened yet (about 1 week), so I am hoping and praying that she was just trying to extort more money on a whim and nothing more will come of it.

I recognize that what I did was wrong and I am truly suffering the Karmic wrath for having gone to this establishment. I really want to tell my wife and get it out of my conscience, but if I do I think I might truly run the risk of losing her and my family, since she has such strong feelings about this issue. You might say this serves me right, but I don't think I should pay for a single stupid move with a lifetime's happiness, even if it was a big brainfart.

In practical terms, I have considered contacting the club and following up that way, but if the stripper was indeed just bluffing then this might raise the whole thing back up when I should perhaps just let it rest. Besides that, I don't think it is the most 'above-board' industry where customer complaints mean very much.

OK, I have gone on for a long time here, but I hope you can see how distressed I am. Any advice, both practical and 'relationship-based' would be welcome.

[bluesummer]

Relax, she was probably just trying to extort more money. What benefit is there to her of calling your wife now? She's got the money she wanted. As soon as you told her "my wife would kill me," she probably pinned you down as someone she could intimidate.

In the future, I suggest being a little more assertive. This woman straight up manipulated you, and you let her. You should've kicked her off your lap the minute she sat down. Lesson learned.

[vashti]

I bet had you told the girl you were calling the cops, she'd have backed right off.

As for your wife, I doubt she would have left you over something so little (seeing that you have a young child at home) unless you are habitually doing stupid stuff like this.

[QueenofCorona]

I agree. She saw an opportunity and she went for it. I think you're giving the stripper too much credit.

And you, you go looking for trouble, you usually find it. Next time you are out of town, save yourself headache and money and stay in your hotel room.

[Gigabitch]

Jesus, Mr. Be, your judgment is terrible. I can't believe you let a stripper bully you. You are WAY too nice.

I'm with QofC up there. Next time rent porn in your hotel room and clean out the mini bar. It will be cheaper and safer.

[doppelgaenger]

Bwahahahahahahaha! Well, you've definitely eliminated any curiosity I might have had about strip clubs. It'll be a cold day in hell when I walk into one.

This story is so hilarious. I think I'll draw up a comic strip based off of it and post it on my website.

[Asip4u]

I just find it a little hard to believe that she pressured him into all that stuff. I've been to strip clubs quite a few times and they're not like that..I don't know, i guess anything can happen.

[Asip4u]

Bwahahahahahahaha! Well, you've definitely eliminated any curiosity I might have had about strip clubs. It'll be a cold day in hell when I walk into one.

This story is so hilarious. I think I'll draw up a comic strip based off of it and post it on my website.

dop, you should try it...very underrated!

A buddy of mine was celebrating his 21st and bunch of us decided to take him to a strip club. Very memorable night.

[doppelgaenger]

I'll be 21 here soon. My friends will be lucky if they can get me to go to a regular bar. I could live my whole life without some bimbo shaking her dirty ass in my face.

[Petit Papillon]

I proposed my bf to go together once to a strip club I'm curious how it looks like there heheh But we will go to a nice one tho, it's not worth to pay for some dirrty and slutty one.

[Asip4u]

I propose my bf to go together once to a strip club I'm curious how it looks like there heheh But we will go to a nice one tho, it's not worth to pay for some dirrty and slutty one.

lol! legenda!

[Petit Papillon]

Lol I really would like to visit a strip club. Maybe I would be upset if my bf went there alone but together? Why not It's like watching porn but live hehehe But we cosider to wait till we go to Paris. He told me he was there in one very nice Strip Club (it used to belong to David Guetta but he sold it few years ago). I consider it a funny experience hehe

[Asip4u]

It's like watching porn but live hehehe

From worst to best...Regular Porn....High Def Porn....Strip club live! lol

[Cbrider]

You need to go to pimp hand training, need to learn how to put a stripper in her place.

Don't tell your wife and don't do it again. You need to work on standing up for yourself or sticking to your morals, which ever was the cause.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Honestly my current boyfriend did way worse than you and we're still together. If she were to leave you just for going there once with children involved that would be a little off IMO.

Way more serious things to cut a family off for.