Can I get your perspective

[bigdanny185]

Hi everyone, I needed someone to talk to, so I guessed this would be a good place to come to so I signed up. Anyway back to the story. I have been with my fiancee with for coming up to 5 years now. Although we have split up twice within our time of being together. We have had our rough patches as every couple does and we split up the last time as I cheated on her by kissing another girl. I know she doesn't trust me fully as she told me herself. With that in mind, lately she has not been as caring as she usually is or loving either. I'm the one making all the moves in the relationship and to me it seems as if she seems happier away from me and would rather be at work.

Also something thats been picking at me is that I found a text a couple of weeks ago on her phone from her best friends brother saying "R u thinkin of me" and another one saying "I'm thinkin of u x" I confronted her about these and she said he's probably just having a laugh, and her friend said thats his sense of humour. Also my fiancee said that you don't go with your best mates brother.

Now does anyone think anything is going on or am I just being paranoid?

[girl68]

Yeah she wouldn't get with him doesn't mean it ain't crossing the line. I wouldn't like it one bit. I also wouldn't accept her lame ass answer.

[bara.beat]

It does seem a little odd that her best friends brother would send her a text like that. Confront her properly about it. Her answer was incredibly stupid because if it was a laugh then they have an amazingly odd sense of humour.

[bigdanny185]

I thought the same. If I do confront her I just get told that I obviously don't trust her and she turns it onto me and what I done previously, and it ends up with her in a mood with me which I don't want. I love her so much and would do anything for her so I don't know what to do

[bara.beat]

You say you love her but remember that you cheated on her beforehand. This'll give her the impression that it's alright for her to even things out so the fact that she just throws it right back at you doesn't show much. It doesn't seem like there is much trust at all, to be honest, even though you say you love her. She won't admit to anything she's done yet she's not fully denying it. Both of you really have trust as the main issue here so work on that together or just leave it, that's my opinion.

[castingstones]

I agree with both of them. I dont buy the story. I dont think you should either. Sounds like to many other stories ive read about her starting to detach. Also, the whole thing about "you dont go out with your best mates brother" or "no i would not date him" has been proved to be a lie to many times in my life. Just my opinion.

[chocolateorange]

Sounds like she's being distant because she's feeling a bit guilty about something. My ex found a message on my phone from a friend of mine which said "I want to squeeze you" and he got really mad! Truth is, I wasn't cheating on him but this guy liked me and I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. She might be flirting with other guys and just not telling them that she's taken. But, that's not a good sign either.

[girl68]

You don't trust her. So why do you want to make her think that you do?

[Gigabitch]

Don't marry this girl.

[bigdanny185]

Well I want to work on it and anytime I have spoke to her she says that it will take her a lot of time to get out the bubble she has put herself in to stop her getting hurt. I have to say that all I done to cheat on her was give a girl a peck on the lips. Its still classed as cheating I know and it shouldn't have been done. She says that I should know shes not like that and wouldn't cheat on me. We got together very young and I'm worrying she wants to get out there and see what happens. I'm 22 and shes just turning 21

[girl68]

Oh god, don't marry her. You shouldn't even be engaged. You should both be working on building back trust. Neither of you trust eachother. She's got a bubble and you're trying to make up for just what happened a while ago so you let go of all control because you still feel bad that you cheated.

You shouldn't even be THINKING about getting married at your age... not even thinking about it.

[bigdanny185]

We're not planning on getting married anytime soon, I know that. Do you think its paranoia on my part?

[girl68]

Nope, I wouldn't trust her with anything.

Do you REALLY think some dude is sending a text like that just for fun? Like honestly. And not just 1 text it's 2 texts. I'd be pretty confident you'd find many questionable texts in your phone... and if you find NONE, then I'd bet more money she deletes them because they're incriminating.

[VincenzoG91]

Oh god, don't marry her. You shouldn't even be engaged. You should both be working on building back trust. Neither of you trust eachother. She's got a bubble and you're trying to make up for just what happened a while ago so you let go of all control because you still feel bad that you cheated.

I agree. There isn't enough trust in this relationship right now, and unless there is a return to trust, you shouldn't be engaged. And I don't know how that trust will be restored. You cheated, so she doesn't trust you. And you looked at her text messages because you don't trust her either. You would both probably be better off ending this relationship and starting over fresh with other people.

[bigdanny185]

I don't want to do that. I couldn't live without her. What I did was stupid I agree and the only reason I saw the texts is her phone lit up when we were settling into bed and thats when I asked who it was at this time o night and she just showed me it.