What do these feelings mean?

[Coops14]

Hi all!

I'm new on here.... just after some advise......

Background
My partner & I split up yesterday after being & living together for 2 years, things haven't been right for a while, i feel like he cant & doesn't find time to be with me, i come 3rd after his kids & work. I feel like he just wants someone to cook & clean for him and someone to come home too. It hasn't always been like this. I feel like his get up & go has gone and he doesn't ever want to do anything ( meals out, cinema, days out etc ) just quite happy to sit and watch tv waiting to go to work again. We had a chat a few days ago about feelings which didnt really get us anywhere and yesterday I went on our laptop to find he'd been visiting websites for sparerooms, flat mates lodgers etc.
So rightly or wrongly I kicked him out, told him he was being sneaky and under hand etc

What i ask is as an out sider what do these feelings mean?
1 I find my self checking my mobile every 5 minutes to see is he has text

2 Everytime a car goes down the road or pulls up outside I go to the window to check if it is him.

3 i'm not upset, i've not cried (yet....) where as when we have split up before or had arguments i've cried like a baby.

4 I know we want different things out of life.

5 I've thought about us being casual sex buddys because i love cuddles & having sex with him.

6 When we had a breif text converation last night, i told him I love him but that sometimes love isn't enough and he text back saying I know you do. ( no i love you too back)

7 I should get on & find a lodger as I cont afford to live in the house by myself.... but cant bring myself to do this... just in case.

8 I want him to knock on the door & whisk me off my feet & we can live happy ever after.. but in reality I know deep down it cant be.

9 He said he wants me to be happy & he knows i'm not happy when i'm with him.


But I THINK i love him..... How to do i know? What do I do? I love enough? And who do these things and feelings mean?

Sorry for going on.... dont have anyone to talk too, friends are all caught up in their own lives.


Coops14

[sookie6]

I don't think what he did was so sneaky.
You had a discussion that pointed to the relationship not working so well at the moment and he did some checking on the net to see what's there in terms of accomodation.
He was probably worried that you could kick him out and that's actually what you did.

Now, if you want him back you need to work this out together.

[Coops14]

Confused still.... Do i continue with the No Contact rule - with the chance he wont contact at all & i loose him for good.
OR
Do i contact him & meet up & try to communicate?

We have both said things that cant be taken back.

[sookie6]

Am not sure...I think best is to wait for the guys to give you some advice on this...

Try to re-post in the ask men section

[1337lizard]

He's long gone babe. Sorry but some of the points you listed sound to me like you've kicked him out but you don't really believe or want it to be over. However he's moved on.

Get out of that house. Immediately. You can't afford it and you will have the damnedest time moving on if you're checking the window whenever a car rolls past. Find a place you can afford. You said you have kids right? Think about their well being. You need to find a place that you can afford so you can provide for them AND yourself!

Hope this helps...I know better than anyone how hard it is to move on and how bad I am at it so I can't really give a lot of advice on how to do it, but I can say that you need to.

[cmacattack1]

Is that all you do? Cook and clean for him? Do you not have a job and a life of your own? I'm guessing not since you check your phone every five minutes and everytime a car drive by. It's kind of scary how dependant you are on this person. You don't feel high up on his priority list probably because you put this relationship as a higher priority than you.

You know how you feel but you don't feel that spark anymore. Relationships are supposed to be enjoyable to be in and you sound like you are brought down by the monotony of the routine with no real excitement. I don't think you love this person. Love is an emotion that he makes you feel that you cannot put into words. Usually that comes from wanting them in your life to make them more happy. I think you are more dependant on him for his physical needs, it doesn't sound like you have that mental connection at all. Sure you love the idea of him and like the cuddling and the sex, but you know it's not going to work. Instead of clinging on to comfort while it slowly goes downhill, you have to back away from this situation.

You seem to me a more traditional woman, somebody that wants the man to bring home the bacon and you cook it up and fry it in the pan, ya know? I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you are already in over your head in terms of life choices. Especially today, a woman has to be able to stand on her own two feet and not depend on somebody to live a comfortable life. And it's attractive to be independant. My ex girlfriend I met in college, but she didn't really have very much aim in life and wondered what she was even in college for. She told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom and liked the domestic life and it kind of scared me. She was extremely needy and dependant and wanted me to shower her with calls, texts, flowers all the time. Our relationship went to shit and I know she tried to keep it together. She even told me "I wish you would just swoop me off your feet, and tell me you were sorry and that everything would be okay". It's a fantasy, it's not realistic.

I see alot of my ex in you and that's why I come to these conclusions. I'm not saying I was a great boyfriend, I was terrible and didn't have my priorities in line. That could be what is the problem with your boyfriend here too. You are in control of what you do and you can change your priorities around as well and help on your end. He's gotta want to help things on his end too.