Moving Too Fast After A BreakUp.

[Coco]

It's barely reaching a month since my ex-fiancee moved out of my place. Our relationship ended after 5 years and 10 months. We had a lot of good times, but the last 1 year and 6 months of our relationship went downhill. He had his good side: strong, funny, smart, wealth, family man, great with children and he could be so romantic. He had his dark side: hot tempered, controlling, prideful and sometimes mean. He saw my good side: I'm creative, protective, great with children, funny, adventurous. But my dark side: I'm traumatized, emotional, not very affectionate and cold.

Truth is... we were probably doomed from the start but for 4 years he brought out the best in me and help me overcome a lot of my smaller but serious issues. We had fun, but things turned sour when death struck and hit both of our families hard, he became a workaholic and I became his doormat. Because of my trauma as a young child and teenage years into early adulthood... I wasn't affectionate and I lashed out in anger, fear and resentment.

Now that we apart, I think about him everyday but I'm proud to say I'm hanging in there. It hasn't been that long though. I have an interest in two guys. One guy I met at the dance studio. He's good to me and he knows I'm going through a lot. He says he understands too. I let him know I broke up with my ex fiance of almost 6 years... so he knows I have some healing to do. The Second guy is someone that I worked with in the past. He took me out for lunch a several times this month.

I am emotionally unstable and I will admit that to anyone. I often make bad decisions. I don't want to make them again. Sometimes I want to shut my feelings off... but every time I do... I end up being cold as ice, hurting anyone that gets tangled up in my cross-hairs. I want to just stay away from men because I'm scared that one of them will fall for me, vice versa, and I am just not good for them. I don't even think I'm capable of loving anyone or anyone would want to fall for me. Especially if they knew all the shit I've been through... I'm the red flag every man is warned about. What depresses me is that I didn't ask to be this way. I didn't ask for the trauma. I wasn't meant to be this way and I'm starting to feel like I have no way out.

[doppelgaenger]

Stop using potential dates as emotional tampons. Get over your ex.

[Tallgeese]

Lost angel, you always have a way out. Just because you lost a few feathers from your wings does not mean you will not fly again. Life is a strange journey with its ups and downs but you have been through the worst and proven you are stronger than you know. Keep your head up high and never lose sight of your destination.

[Coco]

LOL!! No Fair, you have to share!!!

And thanks Tallgeese I saved your comment <3

[misombra]

it is not in your best interest to move too fast right now. i'm assuming you're talking about getting into something with another person.

you have to learn how to be alone and how to love yourself first. when you love yourself you don't need a man to love you in order to feel good.

[IncognitoSir]

Hey Coco, you sound like my ex gf soooo much. She dealt with a whole lot of trauma from child hood, and teen years and she never thought she would find someone to be honest with and be able to love and have it reciprocted back to her, and then she found me, lol. There is someone out there for you, your heart is suffering right now.....tend to it. Let your wounds heal before you get back to the battlefield!

[bt88]

As someone who is on the other side of this situation, I say step back. I recently got involved with a girl who just ended a 5 year relationship. After 2 months of us being together she said she needed time to figure herself out. So basically she didnt evaluate herself after the breakup, drew me in, and then went ice cold. So be upfront with any guy you meet and get all your "me time" out of the way before you press on. Someone will get burned if you dont

[Coco]

@miso... yep that's exactly what I'm talking about. And I agree. I just wish I knew how to start healing. I'm confused.

I have been honest with the guy from the studio. I told him I'm not ready for anything serious and he agrees that I'm not ready for anything serious too. Even though he knows this... I kissed him and he kissed me back. Big mistake. Should I cut him back?

[misombra]

well you said you're not ready but then you kissed him. mixed signals, you know? you need to cut him back definitely.

you don't have to do anything to start healing. just do your own thing for a while and things work out the way they should.

[Coco]

Okay gotcha. Thanks

[bluesummer]

I took a whole year off of dating after divorcing my husband to get my head right....I KNEW I was too much of a wreck to have meaningful relationship with someone else.

I know you've kissed this guy, but I would back right off. Go live your own life solo for a while and work out the head demons. You've been with this guy for six years so it might be awhile. That's okay though, the time you spend just getting right with yourself and enjoying life as a single girl can be really fun, rewarding, and eye-opening.