Cannot Comprehend Commitment please help

[scared]

Hi all, so heres my issue, so I have always been afraid of commitment and run away at the word. I have never been able to handle a commitment it just scares me. If im ever dating a girl I need to know there is an emergency exit in case. I think i get so worried that if it doesnt work out its my fault she will hate me and so will everyone else. There are so many reasons. This girl i have seen a couple times mentioned that we are dating to me, which freaked me right out, i felt sick to the stomach, at that point suddenly she was no longer pretty and I was no longer attracted to her at all and need an out. THis is bad, I just need time which i believe is fair to ask her for but at the same time i feel that no time will be enough for me. Do I keep attempting relationships or just wait until I think im ready. I always think im ready (and want a relationship) until the girl mentions the commitment. So what do I do? Because she mentioned this i am not attracted at all to her. So i dont know if im just not attracted to her or because it was the commitment word.

[Peter Pry]

It's not uncommon for men to experience fear of commitment, but this sounds pretty extreme. Dating is not a commitment; and you have in fact been "seeing" (i.e. "dating") her. This problem is obviously interfering, not merely with your ability to have a relationship, but your ability to even see a girl. I would get some help from a counselor and try to resolve this issue.

[lastwish]

Why are you afraid of commitment? Is it because of her? Or is it the same for all women? Is it because you are not financially stable? Is it because you are afraid of intimacy? Those are just some questions you should be asking yourself.

[Heratriumphant]

I understand fear of committment, I'm one of those rare females that has this oh so male issue.
That said, what you have is a problem of semantics. You are in fact dating her, going out and doing thing with a romantic/sexual undertone is in fact "dating." What's more you have a relationship! That's right you know her, talk her, see her it is by definition a relationship. Just take a deep breath and realize it isn't a COMMITED relationship.

Relax, until you sign a marriage cetificate or move in together pretty much all relationships have multiple "escape hatches."

Do examine the root of these issues though, ironically most of the time they're born out of fears of abandonment. You run for the door before the other person has a chance to leave/hurt you.

[Hillbilly]

^agreed.,and maybe letting them know in advanced its only a date. It might ease your ming and theirs.

[IndiReloaded]

Commitment is less about the relationship and more about you, Scared. Think about that for a bit and then come back and post your thoughts.