In a desperate situation

[Tarantula]

Hi everyone. I'm not intending for anyone to reply to this post with solutions. I'm just really at my wit's end and I need someone to listen to me. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It all started when I met this girl at my workplace. She's really sweet and nice, and I found myself attracted to her. Nevertheless, I held myself back as I was already in an almost year-long relationship with a girl.

However, things have not been going smoothly with my girlfriend. We have quarelled on and off during the time we've been together, and she has threatened to break up with me at least half a dozen times. I told her on these occassions that I'm sick and tired of her choosing to break up instead of resorting to reconciliatory dialogs and she has even agreed, citing her inability to cope with emotional stress as a reason for her constant desire to run away.

The net result of these quarrels breakups has seen my feelings for her erode to almost nothing. However, she has been in a rut with her job situation at the moment, and is facing mounting pressure from her parents about it. She often cries about the stress that she is in, and has made it patently clear that she'll die without me.

Now, my feelings for the other girl has been on the rise. I find myself thinking about her a lot, and I am extremely happy being with her. After a couple of months, I managed to express my feelings for her, and although she didn't reject me outright, her answer was very negative - she said although there is some attraction, she isn't able to connect with me yet.

All this has left me feeling like a thoroughly broken man. I wish I could be free from my current girlfriend; she is a very nice girl, but I am afraid I no longer have feelings for her as I used to. However, her current emotionally fragile state means I am quite unable to do so yet, and this compounded with my unrequited feelings for the other girl has made me very, very miserable.

In many ways, I feel I deserve some form of emotional punishment for cheating on my girlfriend. I just wish there was a way to end it soon. I need to. I can't tell anyone, not even my best friend. I feel so alone with no one to turn to.

Thanks for reading. If there are any comments, criticism and even outright bashing, I feel I am deserving, and I welcome them.

[cmacattack1]

I think the focus of your issues should be your current relationship, not what is going on with the coworker you are attracted to.

The problem with dragging it on for so long until you completely lose feelings is that it's going to hurt worse in the end. More for her. Being stuck in something you don't want to be in is basically a form of passive aggression, because you know that you aren't giving that person one hundred percent. It's wrong.

I'm not saying that at the first whiff of something you need to "have the talk", but if it drags on for weeks and months of the same arguments with no solutions, where is it really going? Down. And the longer it goes down, the uglier it gets. If she doesn't want to work towards a solution or you don't want to, it's just going to go down. Sweeping it under the rug is the immature way to handle it but a popular way because most people "just don't want to fight anymore."

You have been emotionally cheating on your girlfriend, and you know this. It makes you feel shitty too doesn't it? That's why you have to have enough security in yourself to end it and be on your own before anything like this happens. You are keeping your girlfriend around as a cushion and it's not right.

You and your girlfriend have been dating long enough and her insecurities are pouring through the floodgates. I think you know that she needs to work on herself and her immaturities and inability to deal with stress and being apart might be the best thing to happen for her. I know you feel like as she has said "die without you", but she really needs to suck it up. She needs to understand that she doesn't need anybody in her life to get by and that you are more than just a crutch for her during tough times. We all go through difficult points in our lives but we want to come out stronger on the other end. That's when you know both are at the same level of commitment. And you guys clearly aren't.

You need to focus on your crumbling relationship first before you are completely mentally checked out. That is the mature adult thing to do. Not chase after another girl and use your current girl as a stepping stone because if you do that, you will not learn a damn thing from your mistakes that you made in this relationship and it will haunt you with the new girl. That is a promise.