Split up, advice please?

[funkrenegade]

Hi, so, me and my girlfriend split up. Apart from the occassion heart breaking moments where i feel like death and want her back badly, the decision was kind of mutual and i'm taking it ok.
We both knew things weren't right and probably have just grown apart over the 5 years together.

Here's the thing though, most of our life revolved around each other and we had a small circle of friends. It turns out, most of these friends have now moved on. I have 4 mates which i would consider amazing and all of them have moved away to different parts of the world. Then theres a few other friends who's loyalties lie with my ex, which i can't blame them for.
Which kind of leaves me alone. The only person i think i can regulary go out with is my brother and his mate, which is fine, but my brother is 7 years older than me and you know, it's not a perfect situation.

I dont really know what i'm asking, i know everyone will just say 'make new friends' etc but it's not always that easy is it. I long for my other friends, and the times we used to spend with them together. Just confused i guess.

Me and the Ex also have a holiday booked for September which we cannot cancel. We both want to go, and we want to go with each other. I know it might be hard spending 2 weeks together after being apart for a couple months but there isn't much we can do about it.

Like i said, i dont know what advice i'm looking for. Maybe just share some thoughts? At the moment i feel like 'yea i'll be ok, i'll find someone else in time' but then i just feel lonely knowing i haven't got anyone around to hang out with anymore, or indeed 'go on the pull' when the time is right. The fact i'm being made redundant at the end of the year adds to my worries i guess in the back of my mind. It's like everything which i loved in life is slowly leaving me.

Goodness this all sounds so depressing! I'm not usually a gloomy type, but i just feel so weird at the moment. Sorry to waffle on. Guess i had to get it all off my chest a bit.

[babymouse39]

I hear you.... I feel lonley too I moved after ending it for a job and I really do not know anyone here except for my daughter and holy man I can only hear so much about the boy band that she loves. Sometimes to let it out od just what you need. I know thats what I need to let it out.
I ended it ... I hate that I ended it but I have been hurt for so long that I could not take it anymore. If I took anymore I do not know where I would be right now. When a relationship ends it is a love hate thing I guess... there is always the good parts and always the bad parts... hang in there .... thats all i can say for now cuz I am feeling the same way as you right now.

[wendy_2008]

hmm... sorry to hear that things aren't going the best for you guys. maybe you can try to pick up some new habbits? book clubs, sports teams? ...etc. and then you can meet new friends from there?

[Mish]

Goodness this all sounds so depressing! I'm not usually a gloomy type, but i just feel so weird at the moment. Sorry to waffle on. Guess i had to get it all off my chest a bit.

5 years is a very long time together and it's only natural for you to be feeling all these negative feelings right now. Don't think it's somehow weird. Don't try to suppress them, let them all out any way you can. Write a letter to her that you will never send or a poem, try to put all of your feelings into it if just to transfer them to another medium. I understand your loneliness, but try to see it as a chance a type of freedom. Now you can do what you want, chase those dreams that you always had without anyone or any relationship really stopping you. Go to a class to learn a new skill (dancing, music, sport) you will meet new people there and make new friends to replace the old ones. And most importantly just give it some time, with time these gloomy feelings will heal and you will look at everything in a more positive light.

[funkrenegade]

Cheers for the posts guys.

I guess time will help. 3 of my mates are actually stil in the same country, so i could visit them, which would be good. Give me someone new to see for a weekend.

I think i feel so low because my Ex is going out a lot since we split. She's been going to the pub like at least 3 times a week. I understand she just wants to get out the house and see friends, i guess i'm jealous a bit. ANother thing though, the pub she goes to is the 2nd home for a certain guy who we had trouble with a few years back. He's liked her for a long time and he caused trouble for us, and now she's hanging around with him again. I don't believe for a second that she's interested in him but it's still annoying.

I noticed on her facebook page that she's added some random guys that she met on a night out. It all adds up and hurts.
She isn't the type of girl to go off and sleep with someone she doesn't know well, or even kiss someone for that matter, so i'm not worried about that really. Just the fact she's meeting all new people and i'm not i guess!

The friends she hangs around with are all bubbly and will attract people easily and start talking to them. Just feel left out.
Highs and lows as always. I dont wanna sound like i'm moaning to you guys who i dont even know.

[Cbrider]

Stop focusing on her, its a fatal error people make when they break up. This is about YOU now, NOT her. Who cares who she adds to her facebook, you have no business tracking her on there anyway.

When people split its only natural to go out and start letting loose a little. In essence you have been socially bound to one person for 5 years, time for a change of scenery. You seem to know exactly what she is doing.....its what you should also be doing.

You have my empathy over the lose of friends. I closed my world off to everyone in my last relationship, even stressed my ties with my parents. I was brainwashed by this girl, and if she didn't like someone, then by god I wasn't going to either.

That kind of thinking cost me a few friendships and damn near a handful of others. Your friends are people who will stand by you, even when you being a complete ****tard to ride out the storm with you. Reach out and reconnect with those old friends, friendship is 10% interaction and 90% networking, like dating.

[angels_airwaves]

Hey, basically funkrenegade was me (i can't login anymore). Thought i'd update this thread just in case anyone's reading it who is going through what i went through:


As everyone says, time does heal.
It's been 8 months since i made this thread, and i can safely say things are good. Re-kindled old friendships, and took time to myself to do stuff i always wanted. I was with my ex for 5 years and we never imagined that our life wouldn't be with each other. Now, i can't seriously can't see how life would of worked being with her. Once the dust settled, i could clearly see things weren't right and it was the right call.

The ex now lives in Wales with her new boyfriend, and we see each other as friends when she's back in town. Things are fine between us. Just a normal friend like everyone else, which i think is a great thing.

Since splitting, i've seen a few girls. To be honest, i seem to be really fussy about dating and stuff and who i go for. But that's just my hang ups i guess.
I have created another thread today about a girl i've recently met who seems really nice.

Basically, if you are going through a bad time, it hurts like hell and even though cliche's like 'times a great healer' dont help you at the moment, they are very true. Hang in there.

[cmacattack1]

Don't forget to keep your identity in a relationship. You may have to rearrange your priorities and keeping the relationship afloat is alot of work, but never give up who you are to be with somebody else. Because you could end up in this situation and feel absolutely alone without them.

Don't worry about her and her facebook friends. She's single now and she'll probably sleep with and meet new guys. It hurts but it is what it is. Don't put yourself through that mental agony. Don't go on her facebook page if you know it will make you worse off. You may feel like you need to and you just have to know, but you really don't. You should want to heal and the current path you are on is not to feel better.

You are going to have to do what it takes to get yourself to feel better. Get yourself out there more. Not necessarily pubs either. Gym, clubs, sports, another job, volunteer work, whatever you can think of. It's not easy but doing something is better than nothing.