Wants to leave husband for online love,Guys please help!

[lookforclosure]

Ok Guys please give me your input on this.I'm trying to stop my friend to make what i think it will be the biggest mistake of her life but seems im not being able to make her see the true! So give me your input cause who knows and i'm the wrong one,also advice me whats the best to tell her.

Ok she has been in this internet love relantionship with this guy for more than 5 years now! As far as i know in person they saw each other only two times during this 5 years (they live in opposite sides of the country) during this time he has breaking up the relantionship more times than i can remember,after a few days or weeks i not sure he sort ends up wanting to be back together (and after my friend beg and beg for the come back) Well i think the last broke up was about 3 years ago,they always kept in touch by email and phone anyways but during this time my friend decided to move on and she got married to this wonderful man who treats her very well,does everything for her and everyone can see how he cares for her.


So now she tells me she wants to divorce this man (they married for two years) move to the same state where the online guy lives and be with him cause they love each other.This is a man that on her on words told her,he does not want to get married ever,needs space,has no patience for girls,likes his home just for himself and that if she lived closer they could try to date.

What you think of this? isn't this man just playing with her? does this thing between them have future? how can i talk her out of leaving her husband?

Thanks Guys!

[fnatic]

sounds a bit odd to divorce over an online guy. Not saying hes playing her but to divorce and move to another state for someone you met on the internet sounds a bit over the top and the dude even tells her that he needs space, not want to get married and could try dating.

you have to be pretty miserably in your own marriage and or pretty sure that this guy is the one for you otherwise its just foolish.

[tropigal82]

With all due respect, its all very well 'meeting' people online but an 'online' relationship is NOT a REAL relationship. I've been there, done that. Trust me, you can convince yourself that you are 'in love' with someone in cyberspace, but its just a fantasy, an illusion. Your friend sounds like she is in love with the idea of being in love, rather than ACTUALLY being in love. Seriously, (and some people might disagree with me here) but your friend needs a reality check, she is making a huge mistake.

A few months ago I met a guy online, we ended up chatting on the phone and over the internet for hours and hours on end. I was convinced that I was 'falling in love'. We even chatted about marriage and babies. (I'm single). We eventually decided to meet, and I spent 2 weeks with him at his place. It was a disaster!!! Firstly he looked very different in real life. Secondly it was awkward because, even though we knew alot about each other, we felt like strangers. Thirdly, when you live with someone for 2 weeks you see what they are REALLY like on a day to day basis, I realised this guy was really boring, had no social life, spent ALL his spare time on line, couldn't get his arse of the couch and get a job, he ate really unhealthy, and really had no outside interests other than sitting on the couch watching TV, surfing the internet, and whingeing about how rubbish his life was.

Really, your friend needs to think long and hard about this. She might think she knows this online guy but she doesn't. An internet persona is not a subsitute for the real persona. Real, genuine love can only come about when two people have spent ALOT of time (not 2 days not 2 weeks, not even 2 months) togethor in each others company in the real world, not cyber space!

And she is betraying her husband. Seriously, she is breaking her marriage vows for some cyber-buddie, she must be crazy and have no morals!!!

[lookforclosure]

Thanks for both of your replies,i couldnt agree more.I also think that if this guy wanted something with her would already had happend,c'mon more than 5 years! Also who knows maybe his married,has a family.Tropical82,also for what i could understand this guy also spends basically most of his time online.It sounds all bad bews to me,hope i can get her to think this through,her husband his really a nice guy.

[Lite]

OK, let's start with the basics.

YOU DO NOT EVER DIVORCE ONE MAN TO BE WITH ANOTHER.

For emphasis...

YOU DO NOT EVER DIVORCE ONE MAN TO BE WITH ANOTHER.

If you get divorced, you do it for yourself. Not for anyone else. Not because you love someone, you do it because the relationship you are in is personally damaging you more and more every day that you are in it.

Secondly, she's already cheating so this behavior of hers is going to continue and get easier for her to do over time. It's the nature of it.

Meeting someone online is not a real relationship. Meeting someone online is not a real relationship. Having a long distance relationship, is not a real relationship. You can start a relationship online, you can start a relationship long distance. You cannot continue any health relationship this way. She has delusions of grandeur in the new guy, and is making excuses to leave her husband.

I know this, because I've done it. I've cheated on my spouse. I've started a relationship online. I divorced my wife for my own sake, and apologized profusely to her for cheating... Even if the reasons for why I divorced her then, and now, were very valid. It's the worst thing I've ever done to someone.

The relationship that I was having when I divorced my wife ended badly. She blamed me for her personal issues caused by her own divorce and abuse by her ex husband. She blamed me for putting pressure on her. She blamed me for a lot of things and I stood there and took all of the shit she piled on me and blamed on me. She aborted our child. She repeatedly re-started the relationship with me only to **** me over again while she was sleeping with another person.

It drove me to the point in which I wanted to kill myself, went on anti-depressants, lost my job, blew through my retirement funds... It was really, really bad.

Your friend needs therapy. Really, she does. There's really no way she'd truly recover from the divorce, the shit she's done, and be able to be monogamous on her own.

If you have further questions I'm happy to answer them, but

[lookforclosure]

Thanks Lite for your reply! I'm sorry that you went through this,it is excatly what i fear it will end up happenning to my friend.I talked to her,used the advice you all gave but seems she is not willing to change her mind,not knowing what else to say i think i'm just letting it go.She is an adult after all.

An update on the situation,she's going to ask for divorce next couple of days and getting her stuff together to move out of state,the online guy told her on her own words "your married stay with your husband,have a relantionship with him" according to her he doesnt want feel responsible for her divorce,in my opinion he doesnt want her (like i said before maybe he is married,with kids who knows).This man is not known to any of our friends or family,it also concerns about her safety,who knows which type of person is this man!

Well at this point i'm at loss of words,like i said before i think i'm just letting it go...she asked me to at some point drive her to the airport,i said i wouldnt...hope i'm not being a bitch but can't support this...

[Gigabitch]

You'd be a bad friend if you DID support this. This is crazy.

[girl68]

Your friend is stupid. Your friend is also very naive.

If she thinks that she is going to have a loving, lasting, over the top wonderful fantasy relationship with this online man she's in for a real shocker.

Your concern for her safety is a very valid one! I hope she has plans to ensure her safety! You know becasue moving across the country to be with a man who is god knows what and capable of god knows what else.

What does you friend say when she points out all those negatives? No marriage, no patience, etc?

[bluesummer]

Holy crap, the guy is basically telling her he doesn't want to be with her and she's still going? Why oh why?

She is deluded for some reason beyond me into thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Don't support this. If she wants to do this and is insisting upon it, she needs to learn the hard way, and you are a much better friend for refusing to play a part in her future misery.

[vashti]

Your friend is foolish, true, but she has a right to be foolish, assuming there are no children involved. She clearly does not love her husband... maybe HE deserves someone better?

[bluesummer]

Oh god yeah, her husband totally deserves better.

[iHEARTu]

her husband sounds awesome! why would she want to leave this man? O_O more importantly- why for an ONLINE relationship?

this online guy seems stupid. breaking up with her numerous times should've been a wake-up call for her. this guy is NOT interested in a long time relationship with her. and if she wants to leave her husband- as far as im concerned- bluesummer and vashti is right. her husband deserves better.

But im sorry to tell you. She's probably the type that even if you tell her its not gonna work out and its a bad relationship- shes probably going to go ahead with it. :|

If she thinks this guy is the love of her life- she wants to prove this by being with him. NOT the best idea, but i experienced it, so i know. -,-

The best thing you can do as a friend is support her decisions. If she falls from this online relationship- dont say "i told you so!" or "see. this online guy is an a-hole" just comfort her, and be there for her. You may try to persuade her to see your point of view- but this generally turns out bad.

So i do wish you the best of luck! Really. Good luck. :l

[cmacattack1]

There are two kinds of people: people that are aware of themselves and really sit down and think about decisions before they make them, and people that will do what they want to do no matter what anybody tells them without thinking it through. Too bad how you feel one day could change by the next day. Unfortunately, she sounds like the latter of the two. What are you going to do? It will take enough times of doing what they want to do before they will become more self aware. Or maybe they won't at all. It sounds like when she decided to get married she didn't think that through and that's why she is where she is today.

Good luck, and god speed to this predictable failure.

[grey]

WOW she does truly need help. someone who is that delusional when he more than clearly said he wants nothing to do with her. Perhaps she should first come clean with her husband b/c he does deserve to be with someone who DOES love him.

Sounds like shes still going to do it no matter what you say to her. But perhaps if you advise her to seek out help from a proffesional first, they'll tell her this is crazy. and ask her why she believes that this online relationship could work.

have you told her yet that this guy CLEARLY said, I don't want you???