JUst got dumped on msn after a wonderful 1y. relationship-NEED HELP PLS

[Loveramix]

Hello, it's my first post here.

Obviously, i'm looking for advice:

I met this girl on a couchsurfing trip, she was our host for a week. I wasn't attracted to her at all(physically...i'm 1m 94, 85 kgs, and she's 1 m58 and about the same weight(maybe a little more). So definitely not my type(i don't care about the weight, but her i didn't even like her face so much back then).

BUt i decided not to care about her looks, because she is the most beautiful/ wise person inside i had ever met. SHe's 42(i'm 35), with an 8 y.o son. and lives in Greece(Athens) and i live in switzerland. Now, to tell everything i'm an addict on the path to recovery, and i had planned to take a single ticket for my birthday this year and join her in Athens. (oh: it was not an online thing...we spent on average 1 over 5 days together the last year, plus the phone calls and chat)

And yesterday, after 3 days of not being able to join her and being worried sick,(esp she had the flu, and i feared it was some kind of nasty ful like H1N1) i see her on msn where she tells me she hates her for that, but she doesn't love me anymore.

So after a phone call(i had to ask over and over to know the reason why she didn't love me anymore, as in my opinion we had really reached agreat point in our relationship(1 year together, i liked her looks, i didn't care about her being overweight, and we were getting along reaally well and what in my case was a CHOICE, meaning that no matter what i would do what it takes to make things work and so i really LOVED her, as opposition to a passionate relationship where nothing makes sense but you're going on anyway)

The last phone call b4 the one after being dumped was sth like : It's soo difficult the nights without you, i miss you so much blah blah

so it appears that on tuesday, she met a guy from her high school she hadn't met for 25 years they made love and now she wants to spent the rest of her life with him.

I was expecting something more mature, i don't believe in falling in love, i belive in choosing who you will love, and do whatever is possible to make it work.

SInce i have really spoken about moving to Greece, i think she got afraid, that i would not be ready/mature enough, to handle living in a new country. Anyway i'm moving to Greece, with or without her. I think she was afraid to play a "2nd mother" role, because i believe that i wouldn't have spoken to her about moving, she would have said no to the guy, like she has done many times over the past year(and from her, being faithful for one year in a long distance relationship MEANS she really loved me, and i know for sure she has beenfaithful


SO sorry for the wall of text but i need HELP :
-I don't know if i'm willing to forgive her if she decides she has made a mistake, but i think i will do it, We all deserve a second and UNIQUE chance(fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me)
-i was really not angry on the phone, and not sounding sad : i told her i had chosen loving her, with all the implications, so that i think she really misses an opportunity, but i can choose loving someone else as well. (what i didn't say i that i still think to this day that she's the most wonderful person i've ever met)

I am wondering if it's a good idea to call her and ask her if it's because she chickened out at the idea of me coming, thus putting a great change in her family, esp. with her son. If it's because she is afraid that i might have a relapse into drugs in athens(i'm sooooo ****ing scared to walk around the copping place, + i'm not interested anymore in doing drugs so that's more than unlikely), or maybe she would fear having to support me financially a bit during the 1st months(i would have taken care of that, but we haven't talked enough about it. I took the decision of coming, and then it went downhill...

I invested most of all i had in this relationship. i had decided for it to work, and one year of wonderful souvenirs, without a single fight, we were getting along perfectly the day before she cheated on me she told me how much she loved me and such....

So should i buy the BS that she can fall in love with someone she hasn't seen in 25 years, this in the matter of 1-2 days? Dicarding all what we had built in one year??? All my family loves her, all her family loves me, everything was perfect....



PLEASE HELP , any kind of advice is appreciated thanks (what i want is for her to recognize she has made a mistake, if she really made one...shit i was doing everything i could, quitting drinking, and was studying greek like mad, + improving all the areas she didnt like in me, even if i never said so to her....i wanted her to see how much i had changed the next time we would have seen each other, without giving blah-blah...just wanted to show the results)

Patrick

[sookie6]

First off well done for overcoming your first impression on your ex's looks.

I am glad you had this wonderful relationship for at least a year. I am not sure what to say because it is difficult to make an opinion based only on one side of the story.

It could be that while you were the happiest and the most confident to have found your soulmate she was just having a 'fling' with someone she never considered as long term.

Who knows? Have you seen this movie '500 days of summer' it's really good at showing how 2 people can experience a relationship together and take something commpletely different from it...

The Non Contact rule is best at this point. She broke up with you so all you can do for now is recover slowly from the shock. Cry, get drunk, share with friends or family, do some sports, go to work...try to pick up the pieces and heal as much as you can from the sad experience...

It might be that at 40 and with a 8 year old child she got cold feet about taking a chance with you. She might feel more confident and more settled with the new guy...

It is better to know now than once you have made a complete move over there...

I would suggest you think twice before effectively moving to Greece. Will you be doing this for the good reasons. Whatever you say you are going to want to be as close as possible to the person who you are the most attached to for now.

I hope this helps. Take care of yourself and look ahead.

PS: there is still a possiblility that she comes back but it is not sure at all. You need to do as if she was not coming back. In any case, Non Contact rules for now. Be strong! No Begging! Check all posts on NC....

[Loveramix]

bump because although the above advice is priceless, my besr friend wants to write her telling how much she's making a mistake.

i really think this retard is going to do it. What should i do??? prevent the thing by telling her before, do nothing, i'm lost.

my idea was telling her how much i thanked her(since i obviously couldn't avoid a form of communication, even if not by myself) for:

1.making me fall in love with her country and its people(i really love Athens)
2.making me realize than women are even more unpredictable than i thought
3.realizing i had gone too far(this is not a good one me thinks)
4. i have no 4.

but shit i love her.....moreover i did all to overcome her looks, because her inner self was sooo great. so shit, if prettier than hell girls have usually a shitty personality, and if UGLY(that's what i thought wwhen i 1st saw her, see 1st post) girls are also twisted like never....what should i expect???

Still. I want her and no one else,please help me find reasons to NC....i think i am about to give into contact....

HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPPP

[Petit Papillon]

don't let him do this... belive me, it won't help, You will just look pathetic in her eyes(she will think You ask Your friends to stalk her)...

[starbuck]

Well one very good reason to keep up NC with her is the fact that she chose someone else. And in the end, it doesn't matter whether or not you think her relationship with the new guy is BS or not, it's still her decision to make. BTW, she did the right thing. She dumped you BEFORE you moved. At least she didn't wait until you went all that way for a relationship that didn't end up working out.

[Loveramix]

still....i really would like to move there, the ****ing problem is that i need her in a few ways to do this. there were so many parties i'd wished i'd be single!!! still i wouldn't have gone there without knowing her...this all shebang sucks in ways i never would have imagined. And i still dunnoo what my retarded best friend will do.