Ex contacting me. Just friends or does he want more?

[cmacattack1]

Don't assume anything. Take it as it is.

I moved away from college and tried to cling onto my friends at home and party all the time while neglecting her and after I lost her it really hit home. What I had with her was much more special and I was just not very appreciative and took it for granted. It's definately possible to mature and grow up. I hope that happens for your guy and he will realize this and....come back to you? I wish I could come back to a girl that still cared about me and wanted it to work. I was the one that got dumped and my ex's the one going serious with a new guy for the last three months.

What are you going to do?

[sunflwr23]

I guess just not contact him. I mean I can't do anything different really than keep no contact for awhile or at least see him as no contact. What exactly were you referring to when you said don't assume. take it as it is? I just said a couple of things and want to know what that is in reference to. I bet if I started dating someone he would act. But don't I wish I had someone to date. I'm not an unattractive girl by any means it's just hard to meet guys around here... I am opening some new doors so we will see where they lead

[cmacattack1]

I just noticed you said I am assuming everything and it's scary. It's better not to, thinking about the possibilities and what ifs aren't going to get you anywhere. Anything can happen. Just take everything that comes to you as it is and try not to weigh yourself down with those possibilities.

Yeah, your confidant is probably going to mention some things to his best friend, so I'd be concerned about that. I don't know if you can tell her not to, but hopefully she understands and knows she shouldn't because it would just be gossip to the best friend.

[sunflwr23]

Yeah I was saying I just assume our mutual friends tell him everything I say to be on the safe side. So I don't tell them anything I wouldn't want getting back to him. I went out last night and met quite a few guys. None that are over the top I'm interested but there were a few who seemed to be interested in me. We will see what happens. I am trying not to worry about him possibly seeing another girl. But if he is seeing this girl I mean where is it going to go. He is about to graduate grad school and she is in her second year of undergrad. I mean I know it's not impossible for something to work out. Since me he has gone out with younger girls. My friends think it's cause younger girls aren't ready for commitment or serious relationships either. Back when he broke up he said he didn't play on dating anyone till he finished graduate school. Cause he wasn't ready then he dated this girl in a non-serious way? But that is done so who knows what is next. When we started dated he wasn't 21 yet and it bothered him when he talked about us being married and such that he never got to live the 21 yr old single scene. Picking girls up in bars and buying them drinks and things like that. I can understand that. But when he dates these girls who are 19 and 20 he's not really fulfilling that.

[sunflwr23]

The hardest part for me is not knowing how things will work out and not being in control! I want to do something to get him to love me again which isn't the case. So I am not just waiting on him but I hate just waiting to see how things work out. Also the guy I met last night go figure went to the same high school as my ex for a year and lived right around the corner from him. He didn't know him but knew all of my exs friends. It's such a small unfortunate world lol.

[sunflwr23]

This is obnoxious how can he contact me every 3 days for almost a month then just go a week with no contact! Ah it's not fair! I have to readjust to this again!

[cmacattack1]

Ahh those young girls. I found myself dating younger and younger, they fall for the old tricks eh?

My last ex was two years younger than me but she was the one to turn my world upside down. Is it likely that things will work out with him and the younger girls? Probably not. But that kind of thing is irrelevant to you now. It's not a competition. And there isn't anything you can do to get him to love you again or feel for you again. Wouldn't it be so much easier if he could just be totally honest with how he felt?

That was the idea I was toying around with. Just calling my ex to meet up, sitting down and just telling her how I felt, and asking her how she felt about me with 100 percent honesty. I want to tell her how sorry I was about being dishonest, and not appreciating what I had until after she was gone. Whether she would want to meet up, being three months into no contact and her being with another guy. Our break up was so messy, emotional and a power struggle that we didn't get really much out of it. She said she was over me but she got so angry and was very emotional when she said it.

What do you think? Bad idea? Would I just be feeding her ego?

[sunflwr23]

While I do think honesty is the best policy and I wish my ex was being honest with me. I do think it is different than putting someone in a tough position. I think because she is with someone else I would advise against spilling your feelings. At least for a little while. I believe that if you want to be with her again than she needs to come to the decision on her own that this new guy is not for her. I don't really know the details of your break up. But I do think sharing your feelings will be much better if you wait till she has decided not to with this guy on her own. That is where I stand. I think it says more too if you respect their relationship. I don't always have the best relationship advice/decisions but I told this to a recent friend who loved a guy who was in a relationship with another girl. She wanted to confess her feelings and I told her to wait. He eventually dumped the girl and my friend and him are now dating. He said it would have made things harder and made him more confused had she confessed her feelings sooner. I think their relationship is better because he knows the relationship would have not worked out even if my friend wasn't in the picture.

Yeah this young thing is a killer. Not that there is anything wrong with it but shortly before we started dating he kissed a girl at a party and then found out she was in high school and was made fun of till no end. He was mortified in some sense I think. It's funny to me cause this girl would have been in high school at the time this kiss happened. So it's kinda the same thing. And she is young enough she could have been one of his students. eeeeeeeekkk. But they may just be friends. I have no clue. She is the girl I am most mysterious of though. I haven't heard from in awhile so I don't think he was wanting to really keep in touch with me. Who knows but it is hard to go back into NC.

[cmacattack1]

I think your friend that is dating him without telling him how much she loved this new guy is one thing, but it is my ex and I am losing her whether this new guy is awesome or not. I only dated her 8 months and they are already at month three. I wouldn't be asking her to date me again, I would just be asking her how she felt. If she is happy with him and she didnt love me anymore I'd be fine and done with it. If she does still love me but is with him because she was trying to get over me, it's different. I'm just looking for some plain honesty here. Either way I'm not telling her to marry me, or to be my girlfriend again. Just finding out how she feels and if she still does maybe if she would like to go out on a date. No games.

She doesn't contact me anymore so I honestly don't know what she's up to. I'm pretty sure they are still dating and you never really look back at an ex once they are out of your system, wouldn't you agree? It's very true that I should respect them but I'm not asking her to break up with him either. I guess it would be a way for her to just come to terms with her feelings instead of burying them and trying to forget about me. It's only been three months no contact though.

It definately is hard to keep flip flopping back and forth between no contact and contact. One minute you are fine and getting back to normal and all the sudden they just pop up out of nowhere and mess up your mojo. He has it all within his hands right now and it's frustrating I'm sure. The longer you go NC the less you think about him right?

[sunflwr23]

well you guys dated for a long time so think about and tell me this: 1) what do you hope she will say? 2) what do you think she will most likely say in response to you telling her how you feel or how she feels? 3) what would be the worst situation? and do you think you could handle that?

I actually think I think about him less when we are in contact cause then I know what he's doing and more about what he's thinking. Over break when he was contacting me he was really predictable. I knew when he would contact me. When we aren't in contact he is unpredictable and I don't know what he is doing so I think about it a lot. When he is contacting me I feel a lot more confident in how he feels towards me and my standing I guess. But when he doesn't contact I question what is going through his head and how he feels about me. I thought about him a lot during those 4 months. Those were the hardest months.

[cmacattack1]

Obviously I'd hope she say she still cares and that she doesn't feel the same with this guy that she felt with me. She's a very dependant person though, and this new guy is best friends with her best friends boyfriend. Nothing can go wrong in that scenario right? I don't know what she will say but I'm prepared to hear no. I guess I just want to know how she feels and not have that "what if" to look back on. Then again, I'll just be that ex pining away for a girl that will never want to be with me.

We are friends on facebook so I guess she can see whatever I am up to. She blocked her info from me as if daring me to talk to her. You probably thought about him hard during those months because you weren't in a serious relationship, which she is. Ah what's the point. Just NC, NC, NC. Even I gotta hammer it in my head.

It's funny how we can help out somebody else but when its us stuck in that situation we don't know what to do with how we feel. This is your thread though, lets talk about you. It's not getting any easier for you each time NC is broken?

[sunflwr23]

Well this past month the contact has been all about me! He would initiate it every three days on average and want to talk about me and hear about me. That was very different to me. He wanted to know how my trip was, he wanted to help me out when I asked for new music and suggest movies that I should watch. It honestly in my minds seemed like any excuse to talk to me he used. It hurt when he said he tried to make out with other girls but then clarified they had boyfriends and that kinda clarified that he didn't have a girlfriend ya know? No other time before was like this. We'd talk an hour and then not for another month and he wasn't into my life. I crack a lot of jokes so we laugh a lot when we talk and it's pretty casual and enjoyable. I straight up said him being lonely is probably why we talked more this break and he said well why I have been online so much. He contacted me once after returning to school and I very very stupidly contacted him once. Which I can't believe I did and he wasn't into the convo. He has been online a few time since but no contact. I just keep busy and I do casually keep tabs on him through facebook but he doesn't get on much. I work on being more independent cause it will be good if we ever get back together and good for a new relationship.

I actually had a good experience the other night. I went out with friends and some single guys 2 of which were both interested. One has been around awhile but not made a move and the other was new. But I got the sense they were fighting for my attention. I think they both just wanted me to go home with them but it felt nice to feel wanted. But I am not interested and I don't want to settle on someone just so I am not lonely and I don't think that will help me get over my ex.

[cmacattack1]

I bet you liked the ego boost. It's mature that you aren't just settling for anybody. Give em a chance though, you never know who might swoop you off your feet.

[sunflwr23]

it definitely made me feel better about myself. I enjoyed hearing from him and I just had confidence in him contacting me and that I held more cards. I am trying to keep those cards or get back what I did lose. I am keeping an open mind but I am in graduate school and I am motivated and need a degree of seriousness. Not guys who get drunk every night of the WEEK. I am hoping something will surprise me. I am starting to truly wonder if he is seeing this girl. I don't know but he is certainly not pursuing me. I would love to hear from him again and I am sure at some point I will. I want to know what changed in him to stop contacting me. Maybe someone told him how I was taking it or that he should leave me alone. Maybe he is no longer lonely. He stays online all the time now but he doesn't message me. Why are guys so confusing. Do you think he's been playing games with me?

[Cbrider]

He's in a graduate program and he's online IMing people?

I used AIM when I was in high school, I'm 22 now and I have a cell phone for a reason. It boggles me why someone would sit online and chat all night.

Idk, from everything you have said, this guy fears commitment. A year can change a lot, but I don't think a year can solve fear of commitment.