Boyfriend Acting Strangely

[DreamingSoul]

It's been about 5 months now since we have started dating and before this month began everything between us has been wonderful. We were both always willing to talk and spend time with each other and even move things aside just to get together. When we first met we immediately started hitting it off, surprising the both of us! We both weren't good in relationships but we found, somehow, that we were able to get along well with one another without a problem.

Now it seems like we're drifting apart. It is a long distance relationship, he lives in Illionois and I live in Kentucky. Not much of a drive and we still love seeing each other when we get the chance but lately he has been acting very strange these past few weeks.

Before he would always greet me warmly and never miss the opportunity to call me and tell me when he was gonna be late from work or whether or not we would be able to talk later that night. Since we've met there hasnt been a single day we haven't talked to each other, but these past few weeks have broken that record.

He no longer calls or leaves voicemails. Anytime I catch him online on IM (where we often talk) he always seems down and depressed. Busy playing games with his friends or too tired to talk. He's less loving and never wants to talk on the phone anymore, suddenly complaining how much he hates talking on the phone when before he didn't seem to have a problem with it. Anytime I ask he immediately hesitates and decides he doesnt want to, which hurts alot but I respect his decision and never press it. We seldom talk and it's now beginning to worry me. He says he cares deeply for me and still wants to continue dating but the way he acts makes me think otherwise.

He does have Schizophrenia and is always getting sick. I worry alot about him but since this new change has began i'm wondering if he really wants a relationship with me or not, or if the distance is bothering him. But i'm always here.

This relationship we have going means the world to me, and I know it does him too. Anytime I think of him cheating, it does get to me, but deep down I dont think he really could. I just wish I knew what was up. Any advice would be of great help to me.

I have talked to him about it and he knows it hurts me but he doesn't know what to do anymore....is it me? Is he seeing someone else? What's been going on? He use to never act like this.

[Gigabitch]

Is he medicated? Has he had down phases like this before?

[DreamingSoul]

Yes, he is medicated and no he's never done anything like this before.

[Petit Papillon]

If he has schizophrenia, it's reall common that he has a depression period. Even if he's not on medications (actually this is the main reason causing depressive periods). Does he go to a psychotherapy? That would be really helpfull. People with this mental sickness left on their own start to close inside and dwell in their thoughts... That might be dangerous , if he's suicidal. I advice You to try ,without forcing h im to anything, to propose him talking to a therapist. I hope he also has some friends. It's very important that such people keep contact with healthy ones. But since he's acting this way, it sounds like it all just starts and if You don't react soon, it might get to the point where he will not want to talk to You at all...
If it's possible, maybe You could visit him? This would be some nice factor,that could improve his current state of mind.

Oh and You can trust me,I know all this from my personal experience. Someone very close to me has schizophrenia too, so I saw and know all this.
Well to be honest I deal with similar problem right now... But this person is not on medications so it's even harder to do anything...

[DreamingSoul]

I'm not a troll, trust me. Alot has happened in between that time and now and im just explaining the current situations.

I'm sorry I never respond, it never really bothered me to consider to until now.

[Petit Papillon]

Ok... Let's say I belive.. So just read the post before again, I will reedit it and bring back the first advice I wrote...

[DreamingSoul]

No, he doesnt go to a psychotherapy. His condition isn't that bad, but if anything just a small case of it. I've never had to deal with this before so i'm always concerned for him, but I always try and comfort him whenever he needs it and never beg or force him to tell me anything he's not comfortable telling me, but usually he tells me everything that goes on with himself.

He's never been the type to think of suicide. It's never gotten that serious before and he would of told me if he had any serious problems. And he's never alone since he's always with his older brother. (They live together).

He has a few friends he hangs out with and i'm always there talking with him when he isnt so he has a pretty good decent amount of people watching over him and keeping in contact with him. I do plan on visiting him real soon (not an exact date yet since we're both always busy) and we will spend some time together.

And i'm sorry to hear that I'm not experienced in this kind of relationship so I never know if it is his Schizo or he's not happy in the relationship in general.

[Petit Papillon]

It's a very complicated and hard to handle with, sickness. Well there is nothing more I can advise to You. It's just that those people can close even if they have people around, but it seems like he has others to let him stay on the earth with his thoughts.
If he's not on therapy , I highly advise it. Sometimes this and keeping in contact with people is even better than taking meds. Meds are likely to cause side effects like being tired and not 'present' , You know what I mean? Meds make people a bit like vegetables,just they can walk and do all the things. I've read about it somewhere...
You see, those sick people, You never know what is going to happen. They seem to be fine but You don't know what is on their mind lately.See this person that I was talking about,is not living alone, doesn't have any problems lately to think about and still... Few days ago he got into this depressed period. He seems to be absent ,doesn't talk much and has insomnia (he can stay up till 2 days).
I can't tell You really what to do, I can say what I know from my experience but still, this sickness is so unpredictable...

Why did You engage in this relationship first? Those people are sick forever, did You know about it ? It's really hard to be with so sick person. They tend to relapse each few years, are You ready to be in this kind of relationship? you know, he's fine now , but it always can be worse, hope You know that.

[DreamingSoul]

Yes, I realize that, but at the time whenever we first started dating he was so hesitant to tell me about his illness. Like I would turn him away if I knew. He didn't start telling me about it untill 3 or 4 weeks after we started dating.

It's a challenge, yes, but i'm ready to face that. He means the world to me and he is like my best friend. We have fun together and find a way to make each other laugh. I know it will probably get worse over the years...but still. I won't leave him. As long as he still wants me around then I will stay.

[Petit Papillon]

I respect You. I think that's all . So all You have to do is to deal with it. That sometimes he just gets moody and all. I think there is not much more to say than I already did. Just good luck

[QueenofCorona]

Its tough, mental illness is one hard thing to talk about and then there's the sterotype that you have to a be "strong man" so I'm sure its not easy for him to let his guard down and talk about rough patches. Having said that, maybe he doesn't really recognize his actions.

Just keep the lines of communication open. Let him know you are there for him if he needs you and if you don't hear from him, email or text him something as easy as "Thinking of you" or "Wish you were here"

[cmacattack1]

Barring all the schizophrenia talk, if that wasn't a factor, it would be the typical end of honeymoon stage and him backing away and acting different. Letting that guard down and the insecurities are purely visable.

I was just like that with my last girlfriend. Our first 5 months were magical. I began backing away, giving her less of what I had even though when we did meet it was more or less okay. Around that time we had to deal with distance but she was committed and wanted it to work. The longer she tolerated it though, the worse it got. LOVE IS NOT TOLERATION <---hammer that into your head.

I had some serious issues and I didn't deal with them, while taking her for granted and acting like she would never leave the more I sunk into depression. Eventually she got sick of it and did dump me with lots of resentment. I don't want that to happen to you so it's great you are acting now.

You've already tried to talk to him about it and he's giving you excuses. I did that too, whether it was "I hate work" or whatever. My ex would complain about how I never called or texted anymore, key word COMPLAIN, and she would get desparate and cry and beg to me and it made it worse. I kept telling her it wasn't her but she didn't believe me. Then it was my fault at the end for making her feel that way.

Don't take it personal and I know you want to help him. If you tried to talk and he doesn't open up, you have to back away and give him some space. If he has some issues to sort out, he needs to do them on his own and without your help. If what you have is truly special to him, it will trigger something in him to want to make it work. Be careful it's not him being desparate though to have you back.

It could be his schizophrenia, I really have no idea and not too much education on the topic. But he could be using it as an excuse to not want to deal with his problems. I used every one I could think of. I'm just telling you that it is exactly how I acted and that the best thing you can do is give him space and not contact him and you should probably do that now before you get too upset and angry that everything you put in will not be returned.

[DreamingSoul]

Thanks so much for your guy's thoughts It means alot.

I can't say that i'm all that happy with the way things are at the moment, and I do talk to him about it usually whenever something's up. I always listen to him and try and communicate with him involving this. I have tried to give him space before but it doesn't seem to work out since he often tells me that unless he says he wants it, it doesn't help.

Your previous situation does sound alot like my current one, but I don't think he would make up a serious illness like that as an excuse.

[cmacattack1]

I'm not saying he made it up, he very well could have it and it could be altering his moods. I'm just saying it is exactly like how I acted in my relationship. My ex came out the gate a month into our relationship officially with the "I love you and I want to marry you" and it did scare me a bit, but ultimately it came down to my issues. She would always ask whats wrong I would say "Work sucks. Or my family was bothering me, etc. etc." but I was only doing that because she kept pressing on me to open up and I was trying to appease her. I think there were times she would give me small amounts of space too but ultimately her need and desparation came through and it made things worse.

If he has issues, it's great you want to be there and be supportive, but if the more you support the more distant he gets, you are going to have to do something else.

By space I don't mean a "break" where you guys talk everyday like nothing's wrong, but pretty much a "break up" space. I'm not saying it's necessary and I'm not saying do it now, but keep it in the back of your mind if things continue the way they do. Like I said, you don't want to build up that resentment. Hopefully he isn't like me and is very unappreciative and taking what you have for granted. That partially explained why I acted the way I did.