Uh oh, she called me after 4 months. (long)

[stc79]

I usually don't like to post my stuff on the internet, but I need some advice on this one really bad!!!

A little background - I dated a seperated (now divorced) woman for about a year. She dumped me back in the late Spring saying she didn't know what she wants and felt like she was relying on me too much. She wanted to try to conquer the world on her own or something like that. It was TOUGH for me for awhile and part of the problem I had was felt like I never got complete closure. Now forward to Halloween weekend.....

I got a private (blocked) number on my cell phone over the weekend. I've been getting alot of these lately and usually I just let the go to voicemail but this time I answered. Then I heard the voice, it was her!!! It was awkward at first but we just casually BSed about life and work for a 1/2 hour or so. Then she suggested we meet up for a drink so we went up to a local bar and had a few beers. It felt so strange and kinda nice at the same time to sit there and see this person. Then she started with the hints at what's going on. She said she realizes she made mistakes, has some regrets and alot of times blamed me for things which she now realizes is unfair. WTF? She stopped short of saying she regrets her decision to leave me, but I think that's where all of this was going. She even asked if I still love her and made reference to how she wants to have a family and kids down the road one day. I stayed the night with her and now I am kinda confused. I ignored my feelings for so long and now they are completely running around in my mind.

Any advice on a good safe approach to a situation like this would be greatly appreciated. I know I still care for this girl but I don't know if I wanna take the chance of throwing 4 months of healing time out the window just to get hurt again in the future.

[kronos51]

Hmm, well I am in much the same situation myself, almost the exact same actually (as far as her reasons for leaving). It looks like she really has been thinking and perhaps has decided that she does want to be with you and will be comfortable with that decision now that she has had time alone to deal with it. If it were me, I think I would go for it. However, you know the whole situation so only you can tell if she is sincere or if there is still a potential for her to second guess and a repeat to happen again.

Good luck!

[stc79]

Update: Still kinda confused. I've been talking to and seeing her all this week. It's still staying friendly with me and her meaning nothing serious is happening. The conversations sometimes stray into the past and present situations. One thing got me fairly good last night though. She confessed how she started to see someone a little while after we broke and just stopped seeing this person a couple weeks ago. That has danger written all over it.

[chocco]

yeh that last bit will probably put u off her a little id say... knowing that she went 4 someone else would feel hard 4 u and knowing she juz stopped seeing him... i think its just that she needs someone! so u r the one that can make that descision... its all up 2 u!
2 much thinkin 2 do huh!!

[kronos51]

Yeah, that does kinda leave 2 possibilities. She could just want someone, and thinks you are a safe bet. Or her last relationship could have made her realize something and she wants you back. I guess its your call man, you cant really know till you try. If you feel up to it you might ask her straight up about it, thats my policy (brutal honesty is what i require)

[puter]

Honesty is the besy policy

[puter]

Lack of honesty has ruined all my relationships, it Is the best policy

[Cybog]

Like monkeys swinging from one branch to another, they do not let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next.

[stc79]

Yeah, that does kinda leave 2 possibilities. She could just want someone, and thinks you are a safe bet. Or her last relationship could have made her realize something and she wants you back.

It's pretty safe to say is was the first.

Just figured I'd throw an update to everyone. If anything, maybe I can help others. I talked with and saw her pretty consistently throughout November. It was a very odd month. She would pretty much maintain that she only wanted a friendship from me but then I'd be questioned about whether or not I still love her. I was also told on multiple occasions that she loved me. She'd kiss me goodbye one day and not even say goodbye the next. It took a month but I realized this wasn't a healthy situation so I told her goodbye.

This girl is very troubled. She has a fairly serious drinking problem and doesn't have the support of family or any really close good friends. I always joke around with my friends how it would be nice to have an ex get fat or something, but really deep down you hope they are doing good. I talked with a mutual friend yesterday who basically informed me that things have taken a really bad turn for her since I left.

I guess the moral of the story is.....if it didn't work out the first time, it won't the second. Or in this case the third. I opened myself up and came away with nothing but disappointment. Previous to me hearing from her, I had been talking with a very nice girl. This situation ultimately led to the demise of that.

Anyways, best of luck to everyone!