Ignore and they may Return, But.

[Moe]

Here's my take on getting sh*t on after 5 months. My post you can read so we won't get into the whole thing.
I wanted my ex back more then anything and every little crumb was a two day thought process that set me back a week. I then went NC after 2-3 days of the typical whining and such, then even after telling her not to contact me she called and text nearly every single day for months while throwing out crumbs and getting boinked by every low life she came across.
Finally one day I said this is it, when she called I always respected her and was never rude while she was always the opposite to me.
She even set up a meeting and wanted to reconcile but was acting like an a** and I left her standing there and treated her very rudely.
My point is that we didn't contact each other for over two months I have treating her not really rudely but keeping everything on my pace and my ground and she now has been trying to contact me more and more. She's cleaned herself up and has been nicer then she's been since she dumped me. The thing is she has to know that I don't want her, need her or want anything to do with her, she called and text most of yesterday afternoon and even invited us to breakfast over the weekend. It seems the worse you treat them the more they want what they can't have. Even when we talked and she said a few things about the past I just gave a smirk and laughed. She then calls more.

[kai]

Haha, that's the power of NC and ignoring.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, I'll never understand that. That's when you have nothing but emotions running your thought process because you are undoubtedly treated like shit, but you keep coming back for more and after a while even you don't understand why you keep continuing.

I'll never forget that when I was pretending to be okay with my ex dumping me I had some stern words with her even though it was mostly my fault for the relationship failing and she actually sounded upset the next time she came out of her way to talk to me. The following week I broke down again and told her all my feelings and she straight up floored me with how awful of a person I was. Talk about a total 180. Nobody respects how emotional you are in a relationship, they only respect how strong you can be and independant in not needing them.

[Moe]

Nobody respects how emotional you are in a relationship, they only respect how strong you can be and independant in not needing them.

And it bothers the hell out of them. I just don't take it any more and she see's it. I think the more I stand up to her the nicer she is. She already knows I'm not interested any more but keeps texting and calling.
Oh well it all her loss!!!!!!!!!!!

[pinkinterlude]

I'm going through something similar, except my bf of 7 months comes out with the admission that he isn't over his ex (of 3 years). I have been nice and understanding about it, because he has been open and honest with me, and we are both not the sort to yell and scream, but can just sit down and talk.

When he said he needed space, after me telling him that I'd still want to be with him when he's ready, as I know it's a difficult situation to be in. still after no contact in the week, he still texts and rings me on friday nights cos he cant 'bear the thought of me finding anyone else.' Last friday, he was confused and depressed. The friday before he just turns up at my house before Im about to go out, telling me I am right for him and how I make him happy.

Its frustrating cos at first I didnt know whether to wait or move on. But now Ive decided to just concentrate on me for a while. He's not helping himself and I cant help him, he has to do that himself.

I havent heard from him since saturday when he apologised for friday but he still said he doesnt know if he's okay when I asked him.
I thought I wanted to get back with him but now Im not so sure.
But it seems this no contact from my end is frustrating him.
It seems that people only really want what they can't have; and now I think he's realising that maybe he can't have me anymore, I think by me telling him I still wanted to be with him made his ego bigger and he expected me to call/text him.
If no contact is working for his ex, maybe thats why he wants her so badly still. Hes already said he doesnt know why he still likes her.
Hope everything with you works out the way you want it to.
xxxx

[Gigabitch]

I hate your ex, Moe. Hate her.

[cmacattack1]

Its frustrating cos at first I didnt know whether to wait or move on. But now Ive decided to just concentrate on me for a while. He's not helping himself and I cant help him, he has to do that himself.

xxxx

My problem to a tee. I had issues, I didn't deal with them, and I didn't want to mention it to her (at least he told you what was going on). She knew something was wrong, thought it was her, and no matter how many times I told her it wasn't her it was me, she still came at me with need and emotions and told her how I made her feel was unforgiveable.

Such an important thing: If they have problems and they don't want to help themselves, you can only do so much.

[shheadz]

This may sound kind of weird, but I think some of our exes have self esteem issues (Specially yours Moe), and for some reason they don't respect anyone that actually loves and cares for them. It's like they know they're pieces of sh!t, and it makes you look like a loser to like them. So, stand up to them.. turn away from them.. show them no attention.. and all of the sudden they respect you.

[cmacattack1]

That's how people are. Everyone!
When I'm overly nice and sweet to my bf he acts disinterested but when I keep things to myself and ignore him a bit he's all nice and sweet.

It seems like such a game to act a way you don't want to act.

I hope it's not because he's unappreciative. I tell you after my heartbreak, I will NEVER take the overly nice and sweetness for granted ever again.

[Moe]

This may sound kind of weird, but I think some of our exes have self esteem issues (Specially yours Moe), and for some reason they don't respect anyone that actually loves and cares for them. It's like they know they're pieces of sh!t, and it makes you look like a loser to like them. So, stand up to them.. turn away from them.. show them no attention.. and all of the sudden they respect you.

Yes my ex has even admitted to self esteem problems.
I have noticed now she's always saying yea I did this or that wrong and she is always putting herself down. She wants me to prop her up like I always did before. The people she hangs with are only using her and could care less. I don't do it and she keeps calling waiting to here me say good job or you did good. NOT

[pinkinterlude]

My problem to a tee. I had issues, I didn't deal with them, and I didn't want to mention it to her (at least he told you what was going on). She knew something was wrong, thought it was her, and no matter how many times I told her it wasn't her it was me, she still came at me with need and emotions and told her how I made her feel was unforgiveable.

Such an important thing: If they have problems and they don't want to help themselves, you can only do so much.

Cmacattack1: It is such a difficult situation for both people to be in. At first, I thought I had to convince him that we should be together because we just worked but now I realise he has to do that for himself and I've done as much as I can to make things easier for him, as hard as it is to accept that.

Can I ask you, you being in the same position of my ex, he said last friday that he's confused and he doesnt know what feelings he has for me but then other times, he told me he loves me.

Sorry if this overly personal, and no worries if you don't want to answer, but did you find that you had 'separate' feelings for your new gf even though you still had issues to sort out with your ex or do you think maybe the feelings for your ex were transferred onto your new gf?

Can someone really have separate feelings for two people or is it just an overflow from the last person?

My friends have said maybe this was the case with him. That he's so confused cos he doesnt know if his feelings for me are just really those for his ex.
xxxx

[pinkinterlude]

Moe: I just read your message from a while ago in another thread:

''Well you'all got me to respond here. It's been three months and I've tried no contact several times and she keeps calling me I know I don't have to answer but it's the respect and gentleman in me. I've not contacted her but maybe 3-4 times.
She calls me with the dumbest things only an excuse to call. She won't see me, talk about us just bull s**t. I've tried to return all her stuff she says why do you want to do that. She says she still loves me. I do still love her.
In my past when I've been dumped I always just ended it, N/C forever, I just can't do it with her, Why?
When I ended relationships I've always been a gentlemen and supportive of my Ex's and respected them.''

I know exactly what you mean here. They say things like they love you and you're right for them, so why can't we be together then?
I think when they say stuff like this it makes it harder to move on because in the back of your mind, you still think there's hope, even if you don't want to.
My ex hasnt contacted me since saturday and that was to say everything Ive already written and I havent heard from him since. This week Ive been okay, had a few ups and downs but not hearing from him has helped this. Im just scared cos right now, Im starting to be okay but its frustrating that any minute you know theres that chance that they'll phone/text you, and everything and all the progress youve made, will disappear and its back to square one.
xxxx

[Moe]

Moe: I just read your message from a while ago in another thread:

''Well you'all got me to respond here. It's been three months and I've tried no contact several times and she keeps calling me I know I don't have to answer but it's the respect and gentleman in me. I've not contacted her but maybe 3-4 times.
She calls me with the dumbest things only an excuse to call. She won't see me, talk about us just bull s**t. I've tried to return all her stuff she says why do you want to do that. She says she still loves me. I do still love her.
In my past when I've been dumped I always just ended it, N/C forever, I just can't do it with her, Why?
When I ended relationships I've always been a gentlemen and supportive of my Ex's and respected them.''

I know exactly what you mean here. They say things like they love you and you're right for them, so why can't we be together then?
I think when they say stuff like this it makes it harder to move on because in the back of your mind, you still think there's hope, even if you don't want to.
My ex hasnt contacted me since saturday and that was to say everything Ive already written and I havent heard from him since. This week Ive been okay, had a few ups and downs but not hearing from him has helped this. Im just scared cos right now, Im starting to be okay but its frustrating that any minute you know theres that chance that they'll phone/text you, and everything and all the progress youve made, will disappear and its back to square one.
xxxx

She has actually contacted me every day this week, today she seen me and stopped in a parking lot and she just came up and knocked on my Window. We talked about 35 minutes. Then an hour later at another store she pulled in. Another 20 minutes.
I just don't like her any more the way she is now, we have six kids between us and she still hangs with dirt bags. She was sort of mad. She asked if my daughter could spend time with her and it broke my heart but I said no. We sort of got into it today about her friends but I just don't care to, she insisted and i said no. She left mad, oh well. We are to have a sit down about what went on between her friends, me and my daughter.

Go no contact and show strength and confidence.

Because I am just going cut her off again because she's just not the type of person I would hang with.

[cmacattack1]

Cmacattack1: It is such a difficult situation for both people to be in. At first, I thought I had to convince him that we should be together because we just worked but now I realise he has to do that for himself and I've done as much as I can to make things easier for him, as hard as it is to accept that.

Can I ask you, you being in the same position of my ex, he said last friday that he's confused and he doesnt know what feelings he has for me but then other times, he told me he loves me.

Sorry if this overly personal, and no worries if you don't want to answer, but did you find that you had 'separate' feelings for your new gf even though you still had issues to sort out with your ex or do you think maybe the feelings for your ex were transferred onto your new gf?

Can someone really have separate feelings for two people or is it just an overflow from the last person?

My friends have said maybe this was the case with him. That he's so confused cos he doesnt know if his feelings for me are just really those for his ex.
xxxx

I wouldn't say I was in your ex's position, I was the one dumped. And by issues, I had more issues with myself. I've never had issues with an ex really, I've always had a good 4 months on my own before a new girlfriend. Then again, I've never really been in love until my last relationship, and even during that relationship I kept fighting against it.

I've come to realize that even though my mother has been the best person in my life and my only real parent, she lost her patience with me often struggling as a single parent when I was younger and took her frustrations out on me as the target of her emotional abuse. It's left me with little or no self esteem and although I feel confident out on my own sometimes, I'm really not. I couldn't even take compliments, even when my girlfriend wrote me letters when I was down saying "Why are you like this? You have this and this going for you." I treat my friends like gold, but I'm emotionally abusive to my intimate partners in my life and it's really ****ed up. Losing the last relationship I had was the straw that broke the camel's back and I'm committed to making everything right in my life.

Anyways...YOUR problems. I was just agreeing that you can only do so much but if you aren't getting anywhere because he isn't helping himself, you have to let him be and do his own thing. My ex tried so much to pull me out, but she was also doing it to get the love I used to give her in a selfish sort of way. I didn't want to help myself and she got sick of it and let all this anger build up and let it loose. Sure he still cares about you I'm sure, but his emotions are really running his thoughts and actions right now, hence the calling you and coming to see you but then backing away. You have to before you build up any more anger or hurt than you already did, that is if you really value this relationship and want this to work. My ex didn't she wanted to be happy and I honestly don't blame her. She didn't try to understand though and if you are there to understand, whether it works out or not, it will bring you a long way and is an important skill to have in a relationship partner.

Remember you have to ultimately put yourself up there above this relationship. Do what makes you happy. Being away from him makes you sad right now, but being with him while he isn't working out his problems hurts much worse.

[pinkinterlude]

She has actually contacted me every day this week, today she seen me and stopped in a parking lot and she just came up and knocked on my Window. We talked about 35 minutes. Then an hour later at another store she pulled in. Another 20 minutes.
I just don't like her any more the way she is now, we have six kids between us and she still hangs with dirt bags. She was sort of mad. She asked if my daughter could spend time with her and it broke my heart but I said no. We sort of got into it today about her friends but I just don't care to, she insisted and i said no. She left mad, oh well. We are to have a sit down about what went on between her friends, me and my daughter.

Go no contact and show strength and confidence.

Because I am just going cut her off again because she's just not the type of person I would hang with.

I feel for you, it's definately harder to deal with if you have that connection with her; your children. You have to do whats best for them and it seems like you are handling things well, considering the situation.

Its seems you are now able to see things in different light and I hope the sit down with her goes okay.

Keep doing what you are doing. You definately seem to know what is right for you and your children at this time, and that shows strength and confidence to your ex, despite hurting yourself.