Jealous?

[IvySummers]

Hello All,

I have a huge problem. It's eating away at me everytime I think about this. I don't know if this is considered jealousy but I get really upset and even downright mad when my fiance talks or mentions his previous experiences with other women. I can't stand the fact that he has had so many of them. It might not make any sense to anyone else, but to me....it tears me up. I don't know why. For example, I don't want to sleep in the same bed that he has slept on with other girls, I don't like to hear any story about things he has done with other girls, I couldn't even stand to listen to his "losing his virginity" story!....What is wrong with me!!?. He's 34 so I know he has done things in the past, but I don't want to hear ANY of them!. Uggghhhh!. I've been with quite a few guys myself...even have done some porn (which he knows about and is fine with it), but I can't be like him. I used to have insecurities and self-esteem issues. I have worked on both and he makes me feel like a princess. I know we love each other very much. If this continues, I know it will put a huge strain on our relationship.

WHAT CAN I DO??

Thanks for reading!
Ivy

[Gigabitch]

Why, at 34, is it so important that he identify himself by his past sexual conquests? I see no reason why you should have to hear his "losing his virginity" story.

Gently make him understand that his insecurity is making him brag to you, his girlfriend, the LAST person on earth he should brag to, about his history. Remind him that you're not his male buddy and that you're not in a locker room.

It worked for me.

[QueenofCorona]

I agree. There's NO need for him to frequently talk about previous sexual experiences to his current girlfriend. Thats pretty much Dating 101. You need to tell him how you feel if he loves you he will respect your feelings.

[IvySummers]

Why, at 34, is it so important that he identify himself by his past sexual conquests? I see no reason why you should have to hear his "losing his virginity" story.

Gently make him understand that his insecurity is making him brag to you, his girlfriend, the LAST person on earth he should brag to, about his history. Remind him that you're not his male buddy and that you're not in a locker room.

It worked for me.

I agree. There's NO need for him to frequently talk about previous sexual experiences to his current girlfriend. Thats pretty much Dating 101. You need to tell him how you feel if he loves you he will respect your feelings.

Thanks Giga and Queen. I thought it was me being childish. Although he doesn't "brag" really...but sometimes he brings things up and it irritates me. Today, on FaceBook....there was a message going around listing different things you've done and it's given a dollar amount. I was shocked that he had over a thousand dollars while I had 600. And I immediately got upset that he had done 99% of the things on the list!. He had no clue why I was upset and I apologized but can't get over it.

Now after learning that...what do ya say?

Ivy

[Gigabitch]

Well, you can look at it positively- he's done so many things, there's not much curiosity left.

I can't imagine posting the things I've done on Facebook. No way.

[IvySummers]

lol. Well, the message is sent to ur inbox then you tally up ur "Fine"...and post the amount on ur status. So ur not really revealing what you have done....but with him, his fine was so high....he practically did everything on that list. See what I mean?

I guess I have to learn to deal with the fact that I'm not the first woman in his life. Which is fine...I get that....but do I really have to know about everything else?...and why do I keep torturing myself over not wanting to sleep on his new comfortable bed even though it's been previously "slept" on!? *barf*

Ivy

Trying to keep a positive attitude and not let this ruin my day.

[Gigabitch]

Frankly, that would gross me out too. I bought a new mattress when I got divorced four years ago and the only man who has slept on it is my new husband. My husband owns a house in California that we're going to sell, in part because I have no interest in living in his bachelor pad.

It depends on how serious you are. If it's just a casual thing, if you're "Miss Right Now", then you really shouldn't have an issue with it and just understand the limitations of your relationship, but if starts feeling like you're "Miss Right", he should get a new bed.

[shheadz]

You're really not alone in feeling "jealous", although I'm not sure that's the right word for it. No one really wants to hear about the stuff their SO has done with other people. Like QC said, that's pretty much dating 101. So I don't think you'd have any reason to feel bad by talking to him about it, which is what you should do.

[of.the.room.]

im not trying to be rude and i wish i could be more helpful but....where can we find your porn???

[IvySummers]

That makes sense. Well, then he's got to buy new mattresses then!. We're engaged so he definitely has to get a new one!.

He knows how jealous I get...and how easily things bother me. He told me he will stay away from doing or saying things that he knows will trigger it. I know he doesn't want to hurt me and that's why I feel bad everytime I get jealous. I feel like I have to apologize everytime.

Ivy

[Gigabitch]

No, Ivy, HE should apologize. His boundaries suck.

You're engaged? Throw that man-ho bed out in the trash. Get a new one.

[IvySummers]

No, Ivy, HE should apologize. His boundaries suck.

You're engaged? Throw that man-ho bed out in the trash. Get a new one.

You're absolutely right. Bet ur ass it's going in the trash!.
I feel better knowing that I have every right to be this way. . I won't apologize anymore.

Thanks!.

[girl68]

im not trying to be rude and i wish i could be more helpful but....where can we find your porn???

You failed at not being rude. GTFO.

[NeoSeminole]

OP, get over your insecurities. It sounds like you feel inadequate or that you're afraid you cannot compare with girls he's been with in the past. I also find it hypocritical of you to judge him and then mention in the same post you've been with quite a few guys yourself and even done porn. As for the bed, you're out of your damn mind if you expect him to buy a new one every time he sleeps with a different girl. Buy him a new bed if it bothers you that much.

[Gigabitch]

As for the bed, you're out of your damn mind if you expect him to buy a new one every time he sleeps with a different girl.

They're engaged. This means he shouldn't be sleeping with a different girl ever again. Time to retire the bachelor bed.