'Heart on Sleave' syndrome

[lhn]

I have always tended to wear my heart on my sleeve waaaaaay too openly. To people I'm in a relationship with; to people who are just friends; to family etc etc.
I always thought relationships are about trust and communication, which CLEARLY is a priority for it to ever work... but... I digress.

What's too much?
Firstly, I'm a man... thats means being 'manly' is all part of it right? A woman likes a guy who can be assertive and isn't some kind of flat-out pussy. She likes a strong arm to hold on to and to know he wont crumble. Now, I'm not completely uneducated, I know all these things are measured in degree's so its hard to answer my question without me providing specifics, but am I right in thinking that NO WOMAN wants a man to unload every emotion he has in an attempt to be completely open and honest.

Also, is it important for us as individuals to have a little bit of privacy in our lives. Things that you keep to yourself and deal with by yourself. Does that make you a better person in some way? Does it strengthen your character? Most importantly, does bottling things up help you learn? Can anyone provide examples?
Again, I'm fully aware that it depends on the issue in question... ie. Depression: Clearly thats better out than in.

Not sure what I'm trying to ask but I suppose I'm worried that the next time I enter a relationship, I just end up at the other end of the spectrum and keep everything to myself. God, finding a happymedium is far from straightforward!

[qwertz]

Personally, I like a man not afraid of showing emotion(im a hypocrit, i know lol)and to say how he's feeling rather than keep it to himself.

IME, bottling things up doesnt help yourself or a relationship, im just learning this now.
That said, i think there are some things you should not share and things that are better off kept to yourself.

Oh and for the record, a guy who who shows emotions and is open, does not make him a pussy!

[lastwish]

Ya. I like a man who is self-assured enough to show his emotions.

[Sanctuary]

I wear my heart on my sleeve too. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that but I'm a pretty open person and people are quite receptive to it. They tend to trust you more too.

[shheadz]

Well, first off, I wouldn't listen to the ladies here too much. This is exactly the kind of stuff they say they want in a man, but in reality they really don't. Sure they like to think building a deeper bond with another person is going to make them happy, but it's not the kind of thing that makes them wet. And ultimately that can make or break a relationship.

I think there is a time and a place for sharing. You can't come home for work each day blubbering to your girlfriend about your life, your feelings, and all of that. However if you're having an intimate moment, and she's sharing her feelings, then by all means share yours. In fact, I think women close up if they feel they're the only ones opening up. It doesn't make you a pussy if you open up at the right times. You just can't do it all the time.

[vashti]

Sorry, but I agree with Shheadz. If you tend to be overly emotional, women WILL be turned off. There is really only room for one feminine personality in a heterosexual relationship.

Of course, you might pair up well with a girl who is more stoic...

[Sanctuary]

Well, there's a difference between being open and expressive and acting like a pussy. Acting like a woman (if you're a man) is not recommended.

[lhn]

Hmmm. Taken onboard peeps. Thanks. Guess I'm primarily concerned with throwing myself into the other end and holding back on every kind of emotion, becoming stone-like. Goes without saying that thats not appropriate when it comes to a meaningful relationship.
Shheadz... cheers. Kinda what I thought anyways. I just need to learn when to hold back and when to be expressive. Think I've fallen into 'too sensitive, to open, Mr niceguy' a few too many times.

Time for a change.

[shheadz]

Hmmm. Taken onboard peeps. Thanks. Guess I'm primarily concerned with throwing myself into the other end and holding back on every kind of emotion, becoming stone-like. Goes without saying that thats not appropriate when it comes to a meaningful relationship.
Shheadz... cheers. Kinda what I thought anyways. I just need to learn when to hold back and when to be expressive. Think I've fallen into 'too sensitive, to open, Mr niceguy' a few too many times.

Time for a change.

I know where you're coming from brother. Like Vashti said, too much sharing makes you come off as being feminine, and that's when the girl you're with either no longer sees you as a sexual partner, or you get friend zoned because you've become a gal pal to them.

[lhn]

I'm definitely going to start making efforts to avoid the friend-zone thing.
God, I look back over the years and I can now see so CLEARLY where I was friend-zoned, not necessarily because they didn't fancy me to start with but because of the way I acted.
Had my fair share of gf's followed by many barren years...

Hmmm... time to spread my wings!