So where should i start, about a month ago, my (ex) girlfriend at the time, dumped me after almost 10 months of dating. prior to dating i knew her for 5 years, we were really good friends...she would talk to me about everything and i would always help her, ( she got the type of personality that needs to talk about everything and very emotional,
im the type of a person who likes to listen and talk just about anything) so for 5 years we were really great friends, and even while she had boyfriends, she was trying to hit on me and was trying to sedecue me sexually, but at the time, i never seen in her anything else but a friend, perhaps the fact that she was always with some1 mad me reject her every time...
I dont know... but this is how it went for 5 years.. then she got married, and that was the time when i decided to stop talking to her because of a couple of reasons, mostly becasue we did not have much in common...
She could talk only about sex and relationships..and it was getting boring for me and maybe unconciously i had some feelings for her and thats why i decided not to talk to her, but at the time i did not feel anything towards her.
Anyway, after about 6 months of not talking to her (at the beginning she called me and tried to contact me but i completely ignored her) she called me, she was devastated and depressed,
she was getting through a rough time of divorce, and for the whole time she did not have anyone to talk to, which made it even more depressing for her.
So she called me and asked me to go to the gym...for some reason this time i agreed to meet up...we went to the gym...sat there for like 3 hours, she told me about everything that happend and how misrable she was in her marriage and without me, i'll be honest despite of continuesly ignoring her for these 6 months, i was asking our common friends about her every now and then. Anyway after this day, we decided to go the next day to the gym again, after the gym, she suggested to go eat somewhere, so we went to a restaurant.
In the end of the evening, we just stopped in a far away spot just to talk, suddenly she kissed me, for the first time in these 5 years, i actually let her kiss me, and that was amaizing...
I dont understand why was i avoiding it for these 5 years... anyway we started to date officially, she was crazy about me and so thankful that i was back in her life, as she said i was the only person who could actually mentally balance her and she could trust me with anything, But me , for the first 5 months saw her more of a friend,
and did not really have solid love feelings, but something more like "liking the person a lot" after the 6'th month i started to notice a change, i was constantely thinking about her, i missed her when she was gone, wanted to talk to her every day, i could not go to sleep unless i heard her voice and i realized that i might have fallen in love with her, and that was extremely wierd for me, im 24 years old, i've been dating for almost 10 years and never in my life i had a relationship lasted for more than 2 months and never i had any feelings for any of these girls.
It was all really nice untill she decided that she can not live with her parents anymore and she wants to move out and how much she wants me to move out with her, she already graduated and have a solid job while im still a student at the university so its much more easier for her to move out, while for me it ment to go study part time and to work in a shitty place such as a grocery store or something full time to afford to pay the bills.
I didnt want to lose her but I also wanted to finish my school before moving and so we spent the next 5 montsh arguing about this issue. At times when it was getting too much i would think to myself that in the worst case, i would just leave her and forget about her, i knew that she needed me more than i needed her, and besides I always considered myself as a mentally very storng person, usually i would forget about people such as people i used to date and even best friends in no time.
for the last 2 months of our relationship she kept on repeating that if im not gonna move out with her she will find some1 else to live with, but i didnt take it that seriously partly beacuse i knew that she needs me emotionally and partly because i was annoyed about our fightings. anyway on the 10'th month i was working and studying at the same time and sometimes i would see her 2 times in 2 weeks, and she got really frasturated, then suddenly i got into a car accident,
we talked on that day, but on the next couple of days i didnt call her, i was waiting for her to call me, just to see if she really care about me, she did not call me for like 3 days, and i really needed to talk to her, but i was waiting for her to call.
On the 4'th day i called, and she told me that its over, she told me that she found someone else, and now she already live with this person, i dont know why, but it was a huge shock, i was ruined, devastated, lost, confussed, depressed (i've never been depressed in my life, never ever, im a really happy and positive guy all of the time, and i NEVER let emotions control me), and i thought that i could not live without her.
for the first couple of weeks i was a complete mess and i was depressed,
i did every mistake that u just can do when breaking up, i called her non stop, smsed her, wrote her on facebook how much im lost and weak without her and how much i need her (for the first time in my life emontions were controlling me, never has it happend before) she just ignored me, hanged up on me,
didnt want to talk to me, and never replied, which made me feel much worst since i didnt know what is going on, and in addition, i was begging for help from her, and after 6 years of me constantely helping her (i would literely stay with her on the phone for like 2 hours till 3 am when i had school or work in the morning just to disscuess her problems) she seems like she doesnt even care about me,
i never in my life asked helped from her, and now, when i was in the biggest problem of my life, she rejected me and didnt want to talk to me, all i needed from her was just to talk to her, it would make me feel so much better when i felt like shit, and yet she did not care about me, how does it happen? how do u stop carring about a person u've been in loved and who helped u so much in 6 years without asking anything back? that was the part that hurt me the most, and kept me down.
I was not prepared to any of these symptoms, all of my other break ups were very easy on me and i forgat them within a day or 2, it was the first time i actually got a broken heart and i completely did not know what to do with it, I was reluctent to speak to my friends about it cuz i NEVER speak about my problems to any1, i love to listen to other people's problems but i never disscuss mine, so i kept it all inside but it was so overwhealming and i couldnt take it anymore.
I started to talk to my friends about it, and it helped a lot, its a completely new experience for me, to talk about my problems to other prople but it helped like a magic, we have been broken up for a months, and since then i do not spend more than 20 minutes in my house, i always go out somewhere, gym, friends, just to the mall, i found it also to be helpful, i found that buying new stuff also somewhat helps, i have a pretty decent saving amount and i spent a decent amount out of it on new cloths and stuff and just indulging myself with anything i would want (whereas before i would save and i never needed anything meterialistic, i would spend most of my money on my ex girlfriend, it made me really happy just to take her to a restaurant or buying her flowers or anything).
It has been a month since we broke up and if i compare the first week which was a living hell and i even though of doing something stupid (never has it happend before) to the fourth week (now) its like earth and sky, i feel much better, largely thanks to my friends who were very supportive, i never knew that talking to others about problems can help so much, and partly to google, since for the whole month i've been on every breaking up website just to learn how to overcome a break up and how to heal,
I feel like i was a baby before the break up and i never knew what is a real pain before i got dumped, by somebody who i never thought that we would be together. I still think about her for most of the day, although now i have strategies to fight it, every time i would think about her, it would usually be a good memory, so in the moment i think about her, i would manipulate my mind to think of bad things that she has done to me, such as fights, or her not being caring enough or her being stupid and not able to hold an interesting conversation and such.
Another annoying thing that I found is that i dream about her pretty much every night, and it really frasturates me, cuz im trying to get rid of her but she keeps coming back in my dreams, and usually its a good dream about us being together, although i really want to move on, there is a big fight in me right now, my logic versus emotions, the emotions wants her back badly, but the logic say that it is over, it would never go back to be the way it was before, so there is no point of going on with this relationship,
usually my logic defeat emotions in most of the cases, but this one is a tough one where logic has much less strengh than emotions and desires. Another thing is that since the day we broke up, my biological clock got kind of screwed up, every morning, regardless of what time im going to sleep, i keep on waking up at 8 am, im trying to tackle this problem from a scientifical point of view and trying different methods of relaxation and different stuff, but there is no way i would turn to meds,
i believe that its all in my head and i can turn it the other way around. So up untill today i thought that im doing really good when it comes to progress, up untill i saw her in the gym today, the emotions just overflew me, i did not approach to talk to her since i swore myself that never in my life i gonna speak to her again, so after she saw that i was ignoring her, she just came up to me and said "hows everything", i just said "cool" and walked away without even looking at her, afterwards i felt really bad , as if i went back to the second week or so and that the whole progress is gone, so right now im trying to fix my head, going out with friends soon, its probably gonna help.
One thing that i do not understand untill now, maybe if there are any girls/women here they could explain it to me:
1) how could u completely stop caring about a person who u were in love with and were friends for 6 years, who helped you for all of this time without asking anything back, how could you deny this person of help when he hits the biggest crisis of his life? how can u do this?
2)How is it that she is dealing with the break up so easily (she already has some1 and she lives with this person) when the other person is broken hearted and suffering, i mean doesnt she have any emotions left anymore ? or is it that it helps so much to have a new partner that you just forget about the old one?