Kids or No Kids!

[Randomhero]

Hi

i was wondering if i could get some advice.....

I'm 21 years old and Ive been seeing a girl for 8 months and recently decided to split up with her....

She's 29 with two kids and i think im in love with her but all my friends and even my family have said i should split up with her not to much to do with the age gap but because she's recently divorced with two kids.....

To make it worse an ex of mine has started textin me asking if i want too meet up.....

There both gorgeous and i think im in love with the woman with two kids but what im finding hard is that some one who's 19 fit and with no kids likes me.... should i go for a drink with them......

I dont know what to do..... do i stay with someone i really really like to the disappointment of my family or do i go for the younger girl similar age to me and see where it goes.....

The 29 year old i split up with still really likes me and would take me back but is it what i should be doing.... do i need that sort of responsibility at my age (21) and miss out on other life experiences...... I always get the feeling that if i go back to the 29 year old that they've been there and done stuff that i need to do.....

I cant stop thinking about her but on the other hand my minds saying its not right..... It kind of like a gamble do i stay on with the 29 year old and regret or do i go for the younger woman and regret....

I know this post may make me out to be a typical selfish bloke but im looking for relationship advice..... Im a young man with what may look like selfish choices but i dont know which to choose.

all relationships ive had in my life lead to one outcome, everytime i split up with someone if i imagine them having sex with anyone else i get very jealous even if it was my choice to end it ....why????

Always find that even though im not the most attractive bloke in the world i make women very happy which always makes it harder in times like these......

Any help would be greatly appreciated....

Thanks
RH

[shheadz]

Listening to advice from family is important, but it's just that -- advice. You know your girlfriend better than they do. I think they're right though. You are a little too young for the woman, and too young to take on the responsibility of her children. You didn't give us much information, so that's the best assessment I can make of the situation.

[Randomhero]

Sorry.....

What more information do you need,

she's 29 with 2 kids one 3 and ones 7

the other girl is 19 and at university same as I, i went out with this girl 2 years ago and.

the problem is if i split with the 29 year old do i miss out on something good we had together and she isnt forcing her children on me, ive not met them yet as she says its not good for them which i really understand but my familly think i should stay well clear.

Even if i take the advice from my familly which i have and finish with the 29 year old its hard to forget her.....everything reminds me of her.....

[MVPlaya]

Whats this "miss out on other life experiences" bullshit? Date the 19 year old and you miss out on the life experience of dating a 29 woman when you're in your early 20's. Everything is a life experience.

Are you even taking on responsibility by dating this girl? I mean, are you playing the role of father to these kids? Is she asking for your help to fill the gap of her previous marriage? It doesn't even sound like responsibility is the issue. I think your family is pushing you out of this relationship based on their preconceived notions, with no understanding of what is actually there between you two.

You need to make the decision. Whatever decision you make, stick with it, but be sure that its your own.

[IndiReloaded]

She's going to be looking for a replacement daddy for those kids. You are too young for this.

If its just a fling, like MVP says, then carpe diem. But, after 8 months, she's going to start expecting more. Personally, I think you are better off dating someone with less baggage closer to your age. Its also better for those kids. They need an adult, not an older brother/sister.

[Randomhero]

nah ive not been given any responsibility or having any forced on me but i have the choice of 2 women....

one my friends and family agree with and one they dont....

I dont know which to choose.....

The 29 year old i can stop thinkin about and love
&
The 19 year odl and i get on ded well

I think the ideal situation would be having both but this is an impossibility.... obviously....

i want to choose one but which!?!?!?!?!

[QueenofCorona]

I agree, 21 years old thats a lot to have on your plate. Being invovled with a partner with kids is tough, even for me at 30. You have to want it 110% because its not just the woman you are hurting if you decide its too much. Not looking down at you at all for having those feelings of uncertainty, you have to be happy with yourself before you can make others happy.

[Randomhero]

hmmm yes but another point is when i make or chose one whether it happens to be the right decision or not how do i forget the other

[fnatic]

wow this is actually a tough one. The obvious advice would be of course to go with the 19 year old. but you say you are in love with the 29 year old with 2 kids.

pfff, I dont know what i would do. I think i would go with my heart. This is a decision that has to come from you, because the advice you would get about your situation would be ditch the 29 year old with two kids. no one knows how your relationship is with the 29 year old. So you and you alone can make this decision.

[Indignant]

do you like her kids?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Eventually I would think she's going to want more than just a casual relationship since kids are involved.

I personally can't see myself having casual relationships when I have kids involved. I can't imagine how they'd feel constantly seeing men enter in and out of my life and none of them are their father or are planning to play that role.

Children are most definitely an enormous responsibility to take on, especially someone elses. Unless you have no problem becoming a father figure to these kids, I think it's better to move on to someone with less baggage.

[Randomhero]

ive not met the kids, she doesnt want me too as she doesnt want a random man just thrown into their lives....

it would take a long time before i ever did see them....

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Well I think that's good on her part. Do you even see yourself playing dad to another man's kids?

[MVPlaya]

Look, no one can tell you who to choose, you have to do that yourself. Believe me, either choice is an experience, either choice will teach you new things, and either choice comes with its own consequences. You're the only guy who knows the situation well enough to make that decision. But from what you've written so far, there's no real reason for you not to be dating the 29-year old you like so much.

[vashti]

She's going to be looking for a replacement daddy for those kids. You are too young for this.

If its just a fling, like MVP says, then carpe diem. But, after 8 months, she's going to start expecting more. Personally, I think you are better off dating someone with less baggage closer to your age. Its also better for those kids. They need an adult, not an older brother/sister.

Speaking as a momma, I agree with indi's post 100%.