Is This A Normal Relationship??

[nikki87]

Hi,

I'm wondering if anyone would be so kind as to offer their views on my little problem. I'm interested to know if i'm justified in feeling the way I do or if I'm demanding and unreasonable.

I've been with my current boyfriend for eight months after meeting through friends. We're both part of a very close, relatively small circle of Uni friends but had never met properly until earlier in 2009 due to my now boyfriend being away on a placement year previously, although obviously I knew of him.

We got together quite quickly and really hit it off last Spring and became 'official', if you like shortly after. I was quite up in the air about what I wanted to do with my life, and especially, where I wanted to live. I'd been made redundant from a job in my home town and decided to move back with my Uni friends for a year. Whilst looking for a place to stay, we stumbled across the perfect house, which had one extra space, so my boyfriend and I decided to move in together. Obviously we were concerned and a little embarrassed of the fact that it was a bit premature and we hadnt known each other for long enough. However as we were also living with our friends, we didnt think it was too 'serious'.

The problem is not with his behaviour or how he treats me, because he's the kindest, funniest guy I've ever met and I wouldn't swap him for the world. My problem is that I feel as though I play second fiddle to his friends. The majority of our fiends are in couples and it seems like he's always the last one trying to pursuade everyone to stay out when they say they're off to see their girlfriend/boyfriend at the end of a night. There have been numerous occasions where we've planned to go for a drink and one of our friends has ended up coming along too because he's sent a chain text invitation around. Truth be told, we spend very little time alone together. The main problem is that the time we do spend alone is in our room when we go to sleep. I think something snapped when we went out briefly on sunday for lunch and he started texting his friend at the table asking what his plans for the evening were.

We never do anything on a weekend night because it's a given that he'll get drunk with friends. But then I feel guilty because they're my freinds too. We had quite a nasty argument last night where I confronted him about this and he confessed that he doesn't like going for a drink alone with me because he feels like he has a ''responsibility to get me home''. He suggested earlier that we go out tonight alone to clear the air, I agreed. Now I know i'm an awful person but I then sent him a text asking: ''oh, so you're not going out with everyone else then?'' He immediately asked what was going on, evidently quite interested to have an alternative offer then twigged that I was testing him which I dont think impressed him that much. Ive since cancelled this evening because I dont want to see him and argue, as Im admittedly in an extremely argumentative and resentful mood.

I'm really sorry to go on, but It suddenly dawned on me that I might be being unreasonable. For the record, he's nearly 25 and I'm 23 soon. I'm just slightly concerned that the only thing we have in common is the fact that we share the same friends. Oh dear.

Your advice would be more welcome than ever!

Thank you

[ecojeanne]

hmm, moving in together so soon was indeed a bad idea. you wouldn't be feeling this way if you weren't. in fact you would be having a normal meet up with all your friends and bonus him and then home together. you need to loosen your grip. otherwise it's gonna end badly.

[nikki87]

Thank you for your reply. I thought as much. We'll be living apart next year as i'm doing a masters and he has a job in London to go to and i'm kind of looking forward to getting excited about seeing him. Thing is (and sorry I know this is boring) I dont exactly have a grip on him, and it never seems to enter his head that I might want to see him. It's not an ideal sitaution because I only entioned how I felt last night. I just think that if he feels a sense of duty to see me it's probably not worth it, is it? I just cant help but feel that maybe we gont work well enough together because surely it's not natural to never spend any alone time with your girlfriend/boyfriend?