Having a difficult week

[alwayslearning]

First...I want to start by thanking all of the people that have replied to me in the past couple of weeks! I haven't been on here very long, but when I get down or discouraged I turn here for your support. I want to say thanks because almost every response either teaches me something or lifts me up when I'm not thinking clearly so THANK YOU! I truly think it's great to have this support. Hopefully, the day is coming where I'll be healed and can offer advice to other people.

Second...I am having a sad week. I haven't been able to stop thinking about my ex. My previous post explains what happened (that he must have ended things with the new woman because he signed up on the same dating website as me and checked my profile). It really set me back emotionally and I am having a terrible time getting him off my mind. I know he must be thinking about me, too. Maybe I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, but I can't seem to shake the feeling of we should be together. I plan on leaving him alone, but have you ever had a deep feeling in your gut that your break-up was a mistake? How do I get myself to a better place? I don't like feeling this way and feel guilty when I go out on dates. I'm not dating anyone seriously, but I feel guilty knowing I still have such strong feelings for my ex. I hope this is normal! If not, maybe I should talk to a therapist so it doesn't lead to depression. I am starting to question why I can't get over him.

[cmacattack1]

That's the feeling we all get when we are broken up and away from what has been a serious and special relationship. We always have those doubts, second guessing ourselves, wondering what if, wanting to kill that loneliness and pain that we are enduring with the only person that can really do that for us. You are questioning everything because it's always on your mind and you are always wondering about it and wanting the answers to these questions that only he can provide (and that's if he wanted to be 100 percent honest and how common is that).

If I recall right, he dumped you didn't he? You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about seeing other people and enjoying life, although it may be difficult to fully give somebody your 100 percent effort and attention. I know you can't help how you feel and it's really tearing you up inside. You have to keep beating that back with some serious logic. That's emotion's worst enemy. Look at your relationship and every detail you can possibly remember. You might be overlooking some of the negatives in favor of the better times, but they are there. There are things he did, things he said that were not right and you did not fit his priorities. Look at some of the things you did wrong too, some things you said, some things you did that you later regretted. You have to hammer into your head these things aren't right so that you can benefit from this experience and become a better person yourself from this.

It always helps to remember that you do not need him to be happy. What you are feeling now is some serious need for him to take the pain away, but how far could you both have come in this short period of time and after he treated you with disregard? You should want him in your life to make you more happy, and based on who he has been and how you have been treated, do you really want him in your life? And would that in the long run make you more happy? You have to beat back that doubt in our stomach that he was THE "one", because after all, with 8 billion people on the planet, there is no way there could be possibly just "one" for us and if there was we'd never find them. We get so narrowminded and have tunnelvision when our emotions are still stinging us.

Keep up the dating if it makes you feel good and happy, or if it doesn't don't do it. You have to channel the energy spent thinking about him and pining away from him into something positive. Like I said you can't help how you feel and you can't control your thoughts as he is going to pop up at even the slightest reference. But you can make a conscious effort to making yourself happy again.

[shheadz]

I can't seem to shake the feeling of we should be together

I think we all feel that way. Maybe not, but at least I do. My gut tells me the ex and I are both longing for each other, and we let a few misunderstandings tear us apart. Really though there's no going back. Were we made for each other? Hrm.. Maybe. But there are other women out there that are made for me too. So I'm not going to dwell on what could have been with the ex.

These feelings you're having will pass. You need to just hang in there, and do whatever's needed to keep your mind occupied.

[IncognitoSir]

alwayslearning, I feel you. I too am having a bit of a roller-coaster week after the separation from the one I loved. I believe this site is a great place for encouragement and ventilation of your feelings!I've lately found myself turning to the things I love to do to get my mind off things. Small things like, your favorite foods, music, friends, family, old forgotten about hobbies. Just been a lil selfish and focusing on myself a bit more. do things that make YOU smile. Like Vashiti told me when I first joined this site, and its still some of the best advice I've heard, "This too shall pass." Keep your head up!