i want to stay with my boyfriend who doesn't love me

[cmac828]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, but have had a close friendship/sometimes intimate relationship for about 4 years. We are both very happy together. We both want to be in a relationship, we both care about eachother, and we make eachother happy. However, in terms of loving one another, I love him very much-he is my first love and I am so happy with him..on the other hand, i am not his first love and he says he doesn't think he'll ever be able to love me. Because of this, the question has come up of how long we should continue this relationship if it isn't going anywhere. How old is too old to be in a relationship where you know you won't be with that person forever? It seems silly to end something where we are both happy, but we are both approaching the age where we need to be looking at the bigger picture. He says that he wants to stay with me because he's not looking for something that serious yet, and I say i want to stay with him, but he thinks its for the wrong reasons. He thinks I am just waiting for him to love me back. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I don't know if I'm waiting, or if my love is holding onto him, or if I'm scared to have my heart broken. I told him I just needed to take time to think about what we should do, but even time has not given me any answers. I really need some sort of help or advice or something. Thank you

[Chupacabras]

He's never going to be in love with you. The question you need to ask yourself is are you happy being a placeholder/convenience girlfriend? Doesn't even have anything to do with age and planning your life but more that this relationship is as far as it's ever going to go; wouldn't you rather try again with someone new that there is a possibility of building a future with?

I'd leave him, heal, and start again.

[QueenofCorona]

Ouch. As much as it hurts don't be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. You deserve better. Walk away with grace and dignity.

[Gigabitch]

Life is short. Move on.

[UnnamedSong]

Give your love to someone that will love you back

[cmac828]

It just doesn't feel right though. He told me that he doesn't think he can ever love anyone again after his first love (together for 5 years, broke up 3 years ago). He says he feels selfish because he wants to be with me but he can't say those three words I deserve. He opened up so much to me and I understand why he feels he can't love again. But does this mean he will never love anyone again? I don't know if he wants me to break up with him so he can find love again, or if he just feels bad because he can't love me. he says he cares about me more than any girl in the world and that even if i decided to leave him, he wants us to stay close because im the only one he's ever opened up to like this since his ex.
also, we have the same group of friends and everything so i feel like breaking up on good terms like this is so hard when we'll still be seeing eachother all the time

[Gatorspin]

cmac, I can completely empathize where you are coming from. It totally sucks and is completely unfair that you are giving so much of yourself only not to receive it in return. It is pretty selfish of him to stay with you out of convenience, especially since it holds you up from finding someone else that will truly appreciate and love you.

I think breaking up would be the best thibg to do. Clearly things aren't going to change if you let it be. As much as you are holding out for that magical moment that he finally wants a more serious relationship, it probably isn't going to happen. It will be hard and painful but it is something that you will overcome. Don't look at it as missing him and thinking that is was a wrong decision, but look at it as a change of routine. It is always hard when you are pushed out of you normal routine and comfort level. It is very hard to imagine it now, but there are others out there that you can develop those feelings with. One the other benefits of the breakup is that if you two were meant to be, you two will seek each other out when the time is right or when he is ready. Perhaps time apart from you will make him reflect on his feelings for you. I'm not saving that you should breakup and then just wait, because it might not happen, but if it was meant to be, then maybe he just needs some kind of catalyst to make him reflect. Think of the times you've realize how much you love something only after it breaks or gets lost.

Hope this helps you out and let us know what you decide on.

[lahnnabell]

Be prepared though. If you break up with him while he is in this fragile, selfish, co-dependent state, he could continue to contact you in the effort to get you back. This will not mean that he has changed, it will just further solidify how desperate and lonely he is. He's never taken the steps he needed to to heal from his break-up. I'm not sure how he managed to spend 2-3 years wallowing in this pool of self-pity either. Sounds sad and disgusting.

There is nothing you can do to make him love you. You've done nothing wrong, but he sounds like the wrong guy for you. You'll learn a lot from this when you are able to get past it, but you deserve better.

[Chupacabras]

He'll love again, when he finds the right person.

For all his talk and honesty, it still sounds like a cop-out (and kind of manipulative) to me.

[cmac828]

I guess you're right. It just seems so unfair that I'm the one who loves him, yet I have to make the decision to leave him

[lovesjoyajm]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj8HDe5M-Jo"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]