You have to be careful with the whole cycle of breaking up and getting back together. It seems that you are very non chalant about the 3 or 4 break ups you guys had, when it is in fact a serious issue. Break ups are not tests and not some of the motions of normal relationships, they are the ending of the relationships. I know each time you guys were apart for a few days and got back together, but think about it for a second. Each time, there was an excuse why the relationship didn't work and you are just happy to be with each other again and not to be alone. Nothing was solved, and the problems were swept under the rug just to kill that lonliness.
Alright sometimes things are wrong and priorities are way out of line, so one break up might be necessary for most relationships in the late teens early twenties. The point is to really comb over every detail and figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how you BOTH were contributing. It takes both to want to make a conscious effort to fix things and make the relationship stronger in the long run. Some space away from them is necessary to really see things clearly, and I'm not talking a day or a week. Why it usually doesn't work is that both do not want to actively work towards fixing things. I understand that she has family issues and that's great you are empathizing, love is very much about understanding your mate and where some of her issues and behaviors come from. It's a reason, but it's not an excuse. She shouldn't be allowed to hide behind those to justify her actions. No matter how you spin it, it's wrong. Just like you getting angry and calling her names such as control freak and all that. You were angry, it's a reason, but it's not an excuse.
Unfortunately you guys are on the fourth break up and nothing has changed all that much. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is what my friend's dad calls "Nert-Nert" behavior. That's his insenstive term for mentally retarded people. Anyway, she might have recognized this and might be sick and tired of the hurt and the emotional roller coaster and is done with it. Not saying it's all your fault, she sounds pretty stubborn and unwilling to change and better herself too. No matter what you say or do in efforts to fix the relationship will get you nowhere and, based on how pissed off she is, will push her farther away. She will have to realize on her own what she was doing wrong and how she feels about you, there is really nothing you can do now except let her feel how she feels. That anger and hurt won't subside anytime soon and I know you are hurting as well. Space is the best thing for both right now, even though it doesn't seem like it. The only thing that can happen is if she comes to you on her own accord without poking or prodding and want to work on things. It's a powerless feeling and it sucks.
I'm sorry it had to happen like this. You were lucky to get a second chance, let alone a third or fourth chance to fix things. You just weren't on your own long enough each time to realize what was really wrong and just wanted to forgive and forget. You might have been happy with that, but keep in mind that it wasn't a stable relationship and that's not something you would want in your wife when it inevitably comes to that down the road.
Waking up next to a beautiful girl,
Step outside and say hello to my beautiful world.