when did being single become a crime???

[lostinconfusion]

This thread isn't really so much about seeking advice, as about posing a question to my fellow daters.

I've been thinking about this for a while and asking myself the question, why is it that everywhere we look everything seems to have become about dating, finding that "someone", getting married... Every movie and every show, whether it's a romantic comedy, drama or even an action film, seems to inevitable always head towards "the final kiss", the union.

It would appear that while being in a relationship implies a state of permanent behavior, the word "single" denotes an undesirable temporary conditions, which of course we are all dying to get out of.

Ever since I came across this website I have read numerous threads by confused individuals seeking advice on dating, but really asking themselves if they even want to become involved with another human being, or are they just suffering from pressure of their friends, families and society in general. It seems that being alone has become perceived as living in a bad motel, while of course looking for a nice permanent house to really settle into...

Even when we break up with someone, isn't it true that the line which is always used by our friends to console us is "you will find someone else" or "there is plenty of fish out there". As if as soon as we separate ourselves from one person, it is absolutely necessary to begin looking for a replacement part...

So I guess at the end of the day the question is: "when did being single become an undesirable temporary state of being?"

[Aeradalia]

There's nothing wrong with being single... it's just that the inclination to be with someone is a very strong, instinctual drive. We're social creatures... thrive best with others than we do in complete isolation... and have a desire to mate -- strike that, a strong desire to feel really, really good that may lead to mating (especially if you forgot your contraceptive or you actually believed her when when she said she was on the pill).

If being independent is what you desire, then go for it... and don't care what others think. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

[lilly1185]

Since it's human nature to despise being alone, and seeking someone to fill the void. Relationships are often temporary and undesirable. It's all in your thinking.

[Heratriumphant]

We're mammals, it's in the basic wiring.

I do hear what you're saying though, I myself have no desire to get married or even live with someone. However I still have a drive toward having companionship and sex. I think we don't have to embrace the social trappings but I do think it would be silly to try to ignore animal, biological drives. Those instincts are real, they aren't going away.

[shheadz]

I agree with the others here, and also want to add that it's nothing new. The most popular stories, songs, movies, etc have always been above love and heartbreak. Maybe that's because the strongest of human desires has always been finding love.

[Charlie Boy II]

With my mates, being single is seen as a better option - you just have to have something going.

[vashti]

With lots of married people, being single is ALSO seen as a better option, apparently!

[QueenofCorona]

I hear you. After dating a bunch of jerks and giving, giving, giving I decided I wanted to do good things for me...go back for more school, move, experience things I'd wanted to do but never did when I was dating a guy and worrying about what he wanted. This was when I was like 25 and everyone thought it was a travesty or that I was gay for being single, people made it their job to set me up or find me a man and thats not what I wanted. My own grandpa asked if I was going to be an "old maid" and it hurt. I'm not sure why society pitys singles but its stupid. For every unhappy single person out there I know there are a few who are happily single.

[mrtdg82]

Interesting one this....

The humans main desire is to mate with the other sex, ultimatley that is our strongest desire, espeically in males.

However it is society in general that has given the impression that you must be in a relationship if not for anything then mainly companionship.

Often if i have a discussion about relationships and love people give the responce 'You dont want to become a lonely old man do you?'. I personally hate it when people say this to me for the same reasons the OP has given.

Again, back to what i first said. Our natural instinct is to mate whether it be with 1 or 10 partners, however society dictates that mutiple partners or sleeping around as it is now is wrong. However this would be less common with women then men as women are more likely to look for an ideal partner to have children with whereas men would simply want to mate in general.

[Dogtoast]

Good thread, you're absolutely right, OP. Society does seem to dictate/suggest that being single is the less attractive option of the two. As its been discussed, many are drawn towards being in a relationship. The ones that are able to get multiple mates, stay single...and rightly so.

[phys251]

Interesting one this....

The humans main desire is to mate with the other sex, ultimatley that is our strongest desire, espeically in males.

However it is society in general that has given the impression that you must be in a relationship if not for anything then mainly companionship.

Often if i have a discussion about relationships and love people give the responce 'You dont want to become a lonely old man do you?'. I personally hate it when people say this to me for the same reasons the OP has given.

Again, back to what i first said. Our natural instinct is to mate whether it be with 1 or 10 partners, however society dictates that mutiple partners or sleeping around as it is now is wrong. However this would be less common with women then men as women are more likely to look for an ideal partner to have children with whereas men would simply want to mate in general.

Most of this is true. Keep in mind, though, that the female sex drive is just as strong as the male's.

[jane]

I gatta agree with everyone else.. society seems to think that in order to be "complete" in your life you need to be with someone... for years I have felt the same way. I am jsut coming to the understanding in my own life that is ok to not have a "man" to make my life worthy..

In a way, I am wishing I had someone to come home to and live a life with but I have dated such absolute jerks recently that I just dont want to put myself out there just to meet up with the same crap over and over..

Is it me? Maybe .. I havent made the best choices in my life.. now, I need to be alone. I need to really figure out what I want. Sometimes, its great to selfish.

[uri]

Maybe it's because society views single people as selfish or as people who don't want to or can't relate or form a bond with someone else. Such people are simply viewed as not capable of loving or not wanting to give life to someone else by having children.

Society views these kind of people as either having:

1. A fear of committment.
2. A distorted view of freedom.
3. The desire to stay young forever.
4. A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish).

Personally I think that what society thinks is irrelevant. I won't let society dictate and control every aspect of my life. Do what is confortable to you based on how you feel, not what someone else thinks is right.

[phys251]

I gatta agree with everyone else.. society seems to think that in order to be "complete" in your life you need to be with someone... for years I have felt the same way. I am jsut coming to the understanding in my own life that is ok to not have a "man" to make my life worthy..

In a way, I am wishing I had someone to come home to and live a life with but I have dated such absolute jerks recently that I just dont want to put myself out there just to meet up with the same crap over and over..

Is it me? Maybe .. I havent made the best choices in my life.. now, I need to be alone. I need to really figure out what I want. Sometimes, its great to selfish.

Without knowing what all you've been through, it's important not to be selfish, but self-reliant. Kind of like that message they give on airline flights to, in case the oxygen masks pop out, put one on yourself first.

People who get into a relationship hoping that it will help to prop them up, complete them, etc. are getting into a relationship for a bad reason, and the relationship has a high risk of not being a good one. Anyone who's dealing with that, it's important to sort that crap out first. If it takes therapy, so be it; therapists are trained to deal with situations such as these. Not potential boyfriends or girlfriends.

[irrelevant_89]

Being single becomes, not a "crime", but really unpleasant when hormones take control over the brain. It sucks. I used to be happy with being alone, and I'd often get away from people to be by myself. Now I'm all messed up and stupid. Damn.