I lost my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend

[aerokissfloyd]

I accidentally posted this in the love advice forum, but deleted it to post it here.

Long story short:

We were together for 5 months, and we fell in love, or so I thought. She told me I was the first guy she'd ever been in love with, and she was the first girl I've ever been in love with. I treated her with respect, would write her songs, and would take care of her when she got sick. I'd be there for her no matter what and did all I could to make her happy.

Here comes the sucky part.

Near the last weeks of our relationship I noticed she was texting someone nonstop. I asked her who it was and she told me it was her ex, "John". I asked her if there was something going on between them and she got mad at me and said no. I, being the trusting idiot I am, believed her.

Fast forward to yesterday. We've been broken up about a week and a half or so and I noticed she had posted a status change on Myspace that said, "Just wants you to know that I am reminded of you, of us, wherever I go." I figured it was about me, and I asked her about it with intentions of fixing things between us and getting back together. I asked if it was about me and her answer was, "Yeah, and kinda someone else". Now, it's only been a week since we broke up, and the fact that she found someone else so fast hurt a lot. More than I can ever tell her. After an argument she proceeded to tell me it wasn't the first time she'd liked this guy, and then after I guessed it was John she said it was.

I told her I didn't want to talk to her for a while, because she had lied to me and had gotten over me after 5 months of being "in love" with me in only a week. She got mad and said the same thing, only she meant it in a more permanent matter, and deleted me off Facebook and Myspace. I saw her newest status on Myspace and it says, "Is not taking any more of your bs. I'm going to be happy, and if you don't like that you can suck it."

I honestly don't know what to do. I want to apologize for blowing up on her about it. At the same time I don't. I am beyond pissed that she lied to me, and instead of telling me in an honest manner she ended up rubbing it in my face and making me feel like an idiot. But I still am in love with her, and can't really get this out of my mind.

Any advice on what I should do or if it was my fault at all?

[whyme87]

Hey I know how you feel...if you read my other posts.

The fact she lied to you I had the same,flirting texting etc with a 'mutual friend' when asked if she liked him she'd go baserk and say if i liked him i'd tell you......she sent me stories,texts,emails saying how much she loved me.....now she's with him and left me....i'm in a state too

[lahnnabell]

Calling Dr. shheadz, cmac, and lhn!

[shheadz]

There isn't much I can say here. She sounds like an immature bitch, but maybe you're withholding details. I always have a hard time believing someone can just flip a switch like that. It makes me think you did more to stalk/piss her off then you're letting on. Then again maybe she's easily influenced by jerk-face, and he's telling her lots of nasty things about you.

Anyway.. Don't apologize to her. Whether you know it or not, it's just a stupid ploy to win her back. **** her.

[cmacattack1]

Latex gloves....check
Scalpel...........check
Unhealthy obsession with other people's problems.....priceless

Assuming all of what you said is 100 percent accurate, yeah I would say she sounds about as mature as the first trimester. I think aborting this horrible complication of a relationship is all you can do. It sounds like you were the rebound, she told you everything you wanted to hear with her sweetness act which she has perfected, and when she finally got her ex's attention back and promises to make it right, you are old news. The simple fact of her switching like that so quickly is that she doesn't care about you as much as she led you on to believe.

Of course when the ex is trying to get his girl back, and she's all about it, he hasn't really changed at all. They are going to go back into the same problems and they will be back to being broken up before you know it. Of course that's when you may hear from her again, I guess it's up to you if you want to forgive her for it. Which you probably won't or if you are on the fence about it, you probably shouldn't.

You have every right to be angry at her, no apologies necessary. 120 cc's of No Contact with her and a recommendation to do some fun things with your buddies or even date around with other people to help you through this. It won't be easy, but the more you try to do things that make you happy, the better off you will be.

[Primo]

You were the rebound, albeit a long one. You're hurt ya, but her and this clown will continue to play the back 'n forth game for who knows how long before they finally shitcan their crappy relationship.

I would've kept her on good terms and wished her luck, knowing in the back of my mind when they break up again (which they will) she'll come back to rebound. Then I'd destroy her sexually, not get emotionally involved and send her packing when I got sick of seeing her naked

[soulsurvivor23]

I know exactly how you feel having been in a similar situation recently.... I was the rebound too.. As tough as this sounds, you've got to forget her. This will now be significantly harder now that it didn't end on your terms... but you definitely shouldn't have to apologize as it's understandable why you were hurt.

[aerokissfloyd]

Yeah. Maybe I was the rebound. I don't know. It just sucks that I trusted her, and it was all thrown back in my face.

And to shheadz, the only thing I didn't add was that we were fighting a lot. She would get mad at me for stupid stuff though, like not telling her I was hanging out with my friends or having band practice. She also made it seem like she wanted me to beg her to give me a chance when we broke up, but I didn't want to play games with her and told her that if she wanted to really be with me she wouldn't get mad at me for not begging, and would not even ask me to beg in the first place. I did protest, and tried to talk her into trying to fix things, but I didn't pressure her.

And I know chances are that things will happen the same way they did with them and she will wind up hurt. The sad thing is that I honestly don't want that to happen to her. As pissed off as I am about all this, I still love the girl and want her to be happy. I don't want him to hurt her at all.

But if she were to get hurt and come back to me I wouldn't give her another chance. I'd forgive her (I'm an extremely forgiving person) but I wouldn't give her another chance. Not unless she proved BIG time that I wasn't a rebound and that she really DID want to be with me, which will be very difficult to do since she shattered my trust completely.

[cmacattack1]

The no begging part was the best thing you ever did. Everybody in her mind would do the begging, pitiful trying to crawl back. It's TYPICAL behavior. I did it too with my ex. It's terrible, sad, and she will lose any respect for you. That would have been the last thing she remembered before no contact and that is not a pretty sight to have you remembered by.

You did good bud. You are taking this like a man and doing it better than most. You'll hear from her again.

[aerokissfloyd]

Thank you. I just don't like playing those games to be honest. I remember I had a friend who used to cry to his girlfriend not to leave him (they're still together) and I realized that there's not point in crying and begging. I just let her go and decided to let things take their course.

Still, it does suck to lose her. She apologized to me today, apparently after things didn't work out with her di*k of an ex. I won't accept her trying to get back with me, although I did accept her apology and decided to stay as just friends. If I was to ever give her a second chance it would be when she proved to have matured enough to stop playing games, and also when she proves that she honestly wants to be with me and not make me her spare tire when things go wrong for her.

I want to thank all of you for your help. I'm glad I signed on to this forum. I needed some advice from people with more experience on this matter than me.

[cmacattack1]

No problem! Wish I was on here before I went through a month and half of excruciatingly painful break up stage in which I bothered her beyond belief and to the point where I finally left off when she told me she had a new boyfriend. It was ugly, it was brutal, and I made tons of mistakes that I am kicking myself for because my chance with her evaporated. She gave me serious mixed messages but I ultimately chose to go with the emotional roller coaster.

Proud that you kept your head and shit together. She's already apologizing. You already have the ball in your court again. It works.

[lhn]

No problem! Wish I was on here before I went through a month and half of excruciatingly painful break up stage in which I bothered her beyond belief and to the point where I finally left off when she told me she had a new boyfriend. It was ugly, it was brutal, and I made tons of mistakes that I am kicking myself for because my chance with her evaporated. She gave me serious mixed messages but I ultimately chose to go with the emotional roller coaster.

Proud that you kept your head and shit together. She's already apologizing. You already have the ball in your court again. It works.

Unfortunately like so many others on here, I did the above. No going back now, its all gone but you young sir, sound as if you have handled yourself very well through all this. Losing someone you love is like having hot pokers put through your eyes.

Tough times but you have your dignity and more than likely, she still has respect for you.

If you come out of a breakup with those two things then you have done yourself proud.

[shheadz]

You handled yourself pretty damn well. Not only did things turn out just how you expected (they didn't work out), but you kept your self respect.

[aerokissfloyd]

It's the only good thing that I got out of all this I guess. I still miss her like crazy, but I couldn't take her back any time soon if she wanted to get back together because I just don't trust her anymore, and to me a relationship with no trust is pointless.

Oh well. I guess for now I'll just chill for a while and not get into a relationship any time soon. I don't even really feel like flirting with anyone, which is strange for me since I am very flirtatious when not in a relationship.

And thank you all for the support. I really needed it.

[whyme87]

I never trusted her I know she would not cheat.she is not like that but she loved games she loved 'acting' single as though i never existed ...but told me how much i meant to her and loved me...she flirted with lots and I could not stand it..