How to initiate contact again.

[snowblind]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here and looking for some advice for how to initiate contact with a girl that recently broke up with me. I'm 25 and she's 21.

The story is that we met online about 5 months ago and hit it off straight away, we met up and dated for 3-4 months and things were going well, but in the last few weeks I started to become stressed out with my work and I wasn't feeling particularly well. During those weeks I tried not to let it affect my relationship with this girl but she noticed that I wasn't myself and soon began to talk about the relationship not being 'fun and light-hearted'. I care about her a lot and tried to talk things through with her, telling her that I was having a tough time and that my worries about my work and health were just a small bump in the road which I'd overcome. My relationship with her really did make me happy and up to that point I knew it had been making her happy too, but the other things were weighing on my mind a lot and I guess it showed more than I wanted it to.

Anyway, at first she said she understood, but she kept asking whether I was losing interest in her and I noticed that my worries were affecting her. She decided that we should cool things off and "stay friends" but she continued to call and text me as if we were dating. I agreed to being friends, not wanting to lose her completely and we met up a few times as friends, but I knew I still wanted more than that. On the night of her birthday I went out with her and a few of her friends and had a few drinks, and when I noticed her dancing with a guy in a flirty way I got upset and just left the club. I also sent a drunken message to her on the way home telling her how much I liked her which I realise wasn't the best thing to do. Anyway, the next day she told me that dancing with the guy was completely innocent and that because I was struggling maybe we should stop speaking for a while. I agreed to that. But the following day I received a message saying that her friends had been talking about how I acted on that night and that she didnt want to see or speak to me again. I think they've made a big deal about me walking out and being upset that what they've said has really affected her opinion of me.

So this was about 3 weeks ago. I sent an apology by text on the day I received that last message, she wouldnt answer my call, and heard nothing since. For the last 3 weeks I've not been able to get her off my mind at all but I've not contacted her again because I don't want to come across as a stalker/desperate. My worries about work/health are easing, I've been to the docs and I'm recovering from what was making me unwell.... now I just wish I could have a second chance with this girl. I certainly wish we could at least talk to each other again, but I think she just thinks that its easier to move on that to try and fix things.

I'm thinking of dropping her an email/facebook message to say that I hope she's well and keep it light hearted, but I don't really know how much I should say. If I say too much about how I feel I'll be crowding her but if I dont tell her how I feel then she may just think I don't care. I don't know if I should bring up the problems we had, or simply say sorry again and keep it at that so that maybe we can start fresh...if she'll speak to me.

I'd appreciate anyone's advice.

[SecondChance]

I would just back off for awhile. Just start working on yourself and try not to think of her as much. She'll contact you when she's ready to speak. Good luck

[Primo]

Agree with SecondChance. You're going to have to move on, and if she contacts you down the road, you can go from there. Hopefully you'll get another opportunity, but honestly I wouldn't expect it.

[loverman1]

i would wait a couple more weeks then send a message, say that you agree with the break up, say your sorry keep it short and gentle. After two weeks she may change her mind and contact you. If not then you could bump into her by accident, if you know what i mean!!

[snowblind]

Thanks for the advice guys, but just found out that guy she was dancing with is her new boyfriend. I guess she didn't care that much at all.

[SecondChance]

sorry dude, i'm sure you'll find someone else. Best of luck to you.

[Twister]

Sorry to hear that mate, it might seem like the end of the world, but you'll find someone new before you know it.

[snowblind]

Thanks. I'm gutted but It almost makes it easier knowing that she's with this guy... For the past few weeks I've been beating myself up thinking that I overreacted when I thought she was flirting with this guy right in front of me. I felt like maybe I'd been a out of line, but I think she was just placing the blame on to me to feel better about herself and the fact that she's immediately got with this guy. I'd been hanging on to the hope that she still cared or had some interest... I know she doesn't now

[shheadz]

I was going to say... at least you don't have to feel bad about yourself now. Your gut instinct was correct in the first place. Now the next time you see one of her friends you can give them the middle finger.