i dunno where this belongs

[kanzaki]

i dunno where this topic actually belongs but i will just chuck it here anyway. Mod please move my thread if it is not suitable to b placed here

ok, I have a little problem. Forumers please help me out. Im very very confused TT__TT

1) I am very very afraid that i will lose my boyfriend which resulted me to get overly jealous. I was jealous to the extend that i can get into an arguement with him when we are watching white chicks (the sexy girls were changing clothes) and he make this "slurp" sound. What should i do? Am i very unreason-able?

2) On one of the phone call conversations, he pointed out that he liked a straight-forward girl which his former EX have. He said "u know, i would be happy if u have her attitude"
This sound very normal rite? But apparently, before this he asked me to be more gentle and caring. Lady like. Then 2 months later, he asked me to change to a little sporty like and wear jeans. Reason, alot of guys were staring at me. Now he wants something that is totaly contrast with wat he used to want. Is he bored of me?

I was so confused with this i ended up trying to commit suicide..

yah, im stupid. I know

3) He was lying to me.... I got pics of him with another girl.. hugging. I dare not ask for more... i dunno wat to do...i love him very very much...

[Jenrick285]

I think that _might_ be a tad over jealous

I dunno why he would compare you to his ex... and I'm surprised you didn't gut him for that.. Most girls I know would slap me sooooooo hard and sooo fast if I compared them to my ex... well mebbe not slap, but yeah...

Lying is always bad...
But could be one of those little white lies....
Then again, it all starts with a little white lie....

I think I've even managed to confused myself at the end of this post -_-

[CalGal]

I got so sad reading your post. Please do not hurt yourself. And please know you are worth more than any boy can ever make you feel!!

I think that you are a little over-worried, but many girls your age (I am guessing your age here) are this way and a supporting guy would understand and be flattered that you are jealous. However, if you get too jealous, you will ruin a relationship. Even if you don't show the jealousy, but you have it, you will ruin it. If the jealousy is warranted--he is hugging others or teasing you--then be honest about it and maybe be ready to move on.

I think your "jealousy" is just fear. You seem too scared to lose him. I know what it feels like; you would not know where to begin or how your life could function with out him. But it has to!!! No life can be dependent on another for happiness, self-worth, etc. I know that if he wasn't your boyfriend everything could be just fine. You may actually be happier--at least you would not have this huge fear. So, I suggest that you start by decreasing your fear of losing him, that will help with the jealous.

I cannot say this enough or as strong as I would like...but I am sure that you are an amazing person. You should never settle and have every right to be happy. Please take care of yourself and best of luck.

[CalGal]

Also, any guy that is making you change things about yourself, down to the way you dress raises concerns. I hope you know this is not that normal. I don't know how you feel about this, but I would not be too happy. He maybe trying to be over protective and controling. He may also be hurting you emotionally without you knowing it...when someone asks you to change yourself, you may question why. The why is not in you--it is him.

[kanzaki]

i dunno. Yeah, i admit, i am just too afraid in losing him. He was all i can feel and think about. To tell the truth, i used to be a very very cold hearted person (NOT meaning i am cruel) but i rarely feel any pain even up to the extend where my grandpa died. There was once when the doctor dignosis me of luekimia and all i felt was shock and no sadness, that's y even my own aunt call me cold hearted. That time i use this quote "no matter u feel sad or happy, the day will just pass by, y dun v spend our life in a happy way?"

and in addition to that, my FIRST ever crush screamed at me 4 years back when i tried to talk to him (after gathering ALL my courage to do so) so i transfered to another school FAR FAR away. That was the last time i remember my heart ache

ironictly, i met with him back 5 months ago. And to add on that, we didn't know that we used to be class mate until he confesed to me that he liked me. (this is beginning to turn into a fairy tale)

Anyway, since i know him, my heart learn something named pain. it ached when whe said smtg wrong. Sometime, i tears even rool out my eye without me knowing it!

i believe that he loves me, very much, but then i just dont feel that he loves me anymore!

howww????

i am very very afraid, i dun wanna lose him. I lost my virginity to him, we are engaged, we get back together after 4 years. i really dun wanna lose him... TT___TT

[kanzaki]

calgal>> i dun dare to say no as he is gets mad very easily. So i just change according to wah he like. In addition to that, to make him hasppy, i turn all my hobby same as his. Learn what he like and be good in wat he is good at. So that he would b happier. i pay for most of the dates and i help him solve his problems from college homework to bets he make with his friends.

my aunt scream at me accusing me of being cheap. am i?

jenrick385>> well, i never slaped him before, but he slaped me once in the shopping mall

p/s>> in the other shell, he does not really fullfil the needs of being a bf, but in his heart, i think it is almost full mark. He gave up a bunch of friends for me

[kronos51]

Hmm, obviously we're not getting the story of his good points, but him slapping you is a big standout negative. I would never *ever* lay a hand on my girlfriend in anger, and that is not a good sign at all.

Sacrificing is something that we all do for love, but it seems that your sacrifices are going mostly unappreciated. Unless he truly appreciates all the things you're doing for him, there is a problem that needs to at least be talked about. And if he just gets mad and won't talk through problems, well I think you should have your answer about where your relationship is going from that.

Good luck

[xxxrmrpma]

Comparing a new mate to an old mate is never a good idea in my book. But.. that's just me.

[Darkace]

a relationship mus be mutual or else its going down the wrong road and will soon come to a dead end and sum1 will get hurt

[kanzaki]

kronos51>> his good points. if u really wanna know

-he calls me up every night for minimum 10 minute. But for some strange reason, no matter what time he calls me, even at 9pm, he will feel sleepy after he talk to me. Next thing i know, he put down the phone with the excuse of going to bed but ended up online.

-he gave up a bunch of friends, they are kinda judgemental and hates me. That's y he did so

-he....um....treats me lunch once?

sigh, i know, slapping ur own girlfriend is bad, but to him it is very common as one of his ex got it big time. There was also once he screamed "stupid" at me in front of a bunch of people when i lost in initial d (it's an arcade virtual racing game) against another person

i did talk to him about this, but... this is how it goes
me: bla bla blab bla (u know, all of the things i felt)
him: oh? ok.
me: so? what is in your mind now?
him: let's go play initial d.

that is how it went. Plus, he is a very good driver in intial d. In the internet ranking, he got the 7th fastest driver in the world and 2nd fastest in malaysia

[kanzaki]

darkace>> hmmm, i dun understand lar

[Prodigal]

I'll be blunt, but be warned, it probably isn't what you want to hear. But please remember this is just what I think.

I don't know what love is, because I've never experienced it. But based on what I think love is.. your situation doesn't seem like it to me, at least on his side. I'm sorry, but if I had a girlfriend I loved, I wouldn't want her to change a thing. Usually, when someone wants you to change something about yourself, it means that they're not happy with that aspect of you. And he's asking you to change your personality? To be more caring, then to be more sporty? It just sounds very wrong. I don't know if I'd ever ask my girlfriend to drastically change like that (especially her personality!).

Sounds like he's lying to you about the calls, too. I mean, sure, he might be tired all the time, but if he is, don't you think he could make time for you sometime else when he wasn't tired? There has to be some time he isn't. And if he goes online after... well, I don't think that sounds very right.

I'd hate to say this, but I want to voice my opinion (and I know you want opinions). I think it's time to move on. From what I hear, I think he sort of treats you like dirt. Maybe it isn't blatant, but if he tells you to change, lies to you, and makes excuses to get off the phone with you... well, it just doesn't sound like love in my book.

...Sorry to be so blunt, but I warned you, right?

[Jenrick285]

You know, guys really shouldn't be hitting a girl...
I've been tempted many of times, but just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

I dunno, is this the type of relationship you want? Or you just settling because you two have been together so long, and it's just easier to just stay together hoping he will change.

Someone said a relationship is mutual... This is so very true. Everyone knows there are bound to be problems, but in order for it to really work, it has to grow, both people have to make an effort...
Just remember relationships are a give and take thing..

[Illusional]

kanazaki..didn't you have a problem before where you lost your bf?? well.. to be honest, your problem is that your are always trying to please your bf. this is where you need to stop. you bf is taking advantage of you because he knows that you're afraid to lose him. and with him temper, he knows that you'll never answer back to him.

also, you're afraid to be alone. however, being alone and single isn't the biggest problem of your life. it's living a stupid lie. i'd rather be single and happy, as opposed to having a gf who treats me like shit. sometimes, you have to look outside the bigger picture and weigh the positives and the negatives. sometimes, you need people to tell you LEAVE YOUR BF, or else, you'll never think to leave.

raverboy

[kronos51]

Yep, agreed with all. Those good points you listed for me really arent good points, and he also seems to be completely insensitive to your feelings. From what I have heard he doesnt care about you all that much, at least nowhere near as much as you care about him. It's hard, but you need to realize like illusional said that you need to care more about yourself, and move on for your own good.