is this how a guy rejects a girl?!

[cake85]

ok so after days of thinking whether the guy i have a crush on likes me or not and being so unsure about it i decided to take the first step. i must say it took a lot for me to ask him because i'm very shy. so lon story short...i ask him if he wanted to hang out outside of work, cause he was always giving me these mixed signals (we work together) and he said " not right now, i'm sort of seeing someone but, if that changes i'll let you know" ....so okay, i got rejected i'm 75% fine with that, i needed to know so i can move on....but what's with the " if anything changes i'll let you know " crap!..what the hell is that!...is this what you guys say if you don't like a girl?...i don't like the fact that he made me feel like i'm a second option when you don't what something that is much better?o.0

is that what he meant by that? or maybe he is not really seeing someone and just said that?...i'm just a little taken at back by that. guys what do you think?

ps: i thought that when you really don't like someone you would only say things like " i'm seeing someone sorry" even if your not really seeing anyone...or "sorry i just like you as a friend"...i think i would have liked that one better!

[Primo]

I would only say something like that if I was purposely trying to turn the girl off. Take it as a sign.

[shheadz]

Sounds like he was trying to soften the blow.

[Spades_]

Soften the blow? I just dont see how that is respectful, to either his gf (if he has one) or to cake. I would not want to be someone's backup, and certainly would not want a replacement on hold to replace me. Thats pretty f'ct up

[TheWizard]

it's also possible he's just not very tactful. He might be dropping a big hint but he might also be blundering and actually like you, but is into whoever he currently is seeing enough to not even entertain the idea with you at the moment.

By all means move on.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Its like I said in the last thread you had going on. You should of not asked him out for something outside of work but instead get to know him still. Do the work-out with him again where you guys could of possibly talk and get more info out of him.
Now your stuck.

This is what is on my mind.
Since you didnt talk to him much when the both of you were working out, he probably thought that you were not into him so he probably got turned off big.
Now that you asked him for something outside of work, this was maybe his time to make you feel regretful and IMO its something I would of said.

Now if he was straight out not interested in you, I wouldn't of said that last part he did, "if things changes..blah,blah,blah". But if I wanted to send you a message to make you regret a chance to get to know eachother but you blew it the 1st time, then this line made the difference.

I hope my words are not confusing.

[Glith]

Depends what sort of a guy he is. I'm a pretty shy guy, and I could see myself coming out with something like that, and thinking afterwards 'Why the HELL did I say that???'.
If hes a confident kind of guy, he's either a bit of a arrogant idiot, or just lacks tact. If, like me he's on the shy side, it's just as likely that when he was put on the spot, he turned into a bit of a bumbling fool.
Either way, he's not going to look down at you because of your attraction to him. If nothing else, he will have appreciated the attention and flattery.

[BoredGeorge]

he said not right now.

not = negative
thats a no.

[Moe]

He thinks your a nice person and would say yes if he wasn't involved. If he had no interest he would have said nothing but the no part. He likes you, But.

I just used a similar line a women I've known for years, just that I'm not involved but getting over someone and I'm not in the right state of mind.

" Not right now, I'm sort of getting over my relationship but, we'll see in the future I'll let you know" I also thanked her for her interest.

She knew of my break up with the ex.

[davidtorres]

" not right now, i'm sort of seeing someone but, if that changes i'll let you know"

Means what it means. Hes seeing someone and if it doesnt work, he would want to date you.

[Mish]

ok so after days of thinking whether the guy i have a crush on likes me or not and being so unsure about it i decided to take the first step. i must say it took a lot for me to ask him because i'm very shy. so lon story short...i ask him if he wanted to hang out outside of work, cause he was always giving me these mixed signals (we work together) and he said " not right now, i'm sort of seeing someone but, if that changes i'll let you know" ....so okay, i got rejected i'm 75% fine with that, i needed to know so i can move on....but what's with the " if anything changes i'll let you know " crap!..what the hell is that!...is this what you guys say if you don't like a girl?...i don't like the fact that he made me feel like i'm a second option when you don't what something that is much better?o.0

He meant that he is unavailable at the moment and if that changes in the future he will let you know. He was upfront, honest and fair.

If you want to take it as a personal insult then do. Though you don't have to.

[qwertz]

if a guy rejected me with those words(or any words) i would quickly move on and not be hung up on it. Its quite easy to recognise it was a poor attempt at softening the blow, rather than just saying 'no'..cause if he had just said no, then you would be moaning he was too harsh.

[girl68]

It could mean a lot.

It could mean he wants to take it up with another gal and if he fails then he's coming after you.
It could mean he actually does like you, and is kinda going on dates with some chick but doesn't want to write her off juuust yet.
It could mean he's just saying no and trying to let you down easily as other posters seem to think.

Either way: as qwert says don't be hung up on it.

[DoesntMatter]

Sounds like he was trying to soften the blow.

it's also possible he's just not very tactful. He might be dropping a big hint but he might also be blundering and actually like you, but is into whoever he currently is seeing enough to not even entertain the idea with you at the moment.

By all means move on.

Probably something like this

[cake85]

Hey you guys thank you so much for your comments...and no i'm not really hang up by it, just thought it was weird an unnecessary that he would say " i'll let you know if anything changes" like i'm an object?...." well if my dishwasher is not working, i'll let you know if i need another one?"...just didn't like that last part, i wouldn't have mind it if he said just no i have a gf or no sorry i just want to be friends,...that would have been ok...it's just a crush and i asked him to hang out not to go on a date or anything like that.

i just have to say he is weird!!...i saw him today and he gave me a tap on the shoulder and say hey how's it going( while rubbing my shoulder a little)...just whish he'll just forget about it soon and let me move on from that with out making me feel uncomfortable.