Some thoughts...

[muppet]

Well, its been 3 days since my ex broke up with me. Its amazing how much thinking you can do in 3 days!

I have come to one conclusion. I was wrong. I have given you alot of support over the years, and I guess perhaps on some level I felt I was entitled to "X" amount back. Some how but you should be willing to allow me to f*ck up. Thats crazy.

There was a time you put me thru hell and broke my trust but that does not mean I get to "bank" the same. The past is the past, and the things we have worked thru are just that done. Love holds no record.

I was wrong. In the past and over the past few days I have tried to justify my reasons, explain my thinking and logically account for my actions. But I missed the big picture and its simple - I was wrong

An admission - I always thought we would be together, no matter how mad you got or how p*ssed off I got you, we would work it out. I was wrong. I have had a few days to see what life will be like without you. It is miserable.

My heart is breaking, I miss you so much. It has taken this for me to realise how stupid I have been. Whatever the reason there can be no excuse or justification for taking the wrong path and bad decisions. However unconsciously I made them, or however innocent me intentions the simple fact is I was wrong.

The irony is I think this time THIS time if we could work it out I know you could leave, we would break up and that no matter how much I had to do to win back your trust I would. I guess I should have done this before. Its my fault because I was wrong.

In our 7 years together I was very good at apologising but justifying my actions or attempting to explain why I did what I did. The one thing I was never good at is admitting I was WRONG - pure and simple.

So, my bunny hop, I want to apologies to you. I ruined our relationship, I hurt you and adandonded you. For that I am so sorry.

I wish I could go back 6 months and instead of running from you into my own little work I should have run to you. You would have hurt with my, you would have loved me and we would have healed together. But I didn't. I was wrong.

So I want to say sorry; no ifs, buts, justifications or explainations, just sorry and the admission that I was wrong.

[shheadz]

It's interesting the way you two are doing this arguing and apologizing through the forums here. Since you are though, I might as well chime in.

Nope. Keep going buddy. Three days? prrf. How much have you really learned in 3 days? Gimme a break. You're in panic mode right now, and you're giving empty apologies. I hope she has enough self respect to keep your butt on the curb.

[Moe]

You haven't been through nothing yet just wait.

[michaelarwas]

try not to be harsh guys. i feel for you i did the same i got it so wrong with my baby and now i've lost her forever, she was my best friend and showed me who i was. Its been a month and today was the hardest day, im so sorry to tell you that its just begining. Try and change yourself for the better, that is what i am doing.

[shheadz]

try not to be harsh guys

Oh, read his other post. Especially his ex's response. He treated her like garbage, and now he feels sorry for himself.

[muppet]

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Shheadz, you seem very one sided and there are two sides to every story. It is very hard to admit that you were wrong, appologise sincerely and not try and offer an explaination or justification for your actions.

Some people process things better and more efficiently than other, and I have very quickly realised that no matter how much my ex put me thru I didn't credit my account. I can not keep bringing up the past to justify my actions.

I was wrong, Simple. That is all I want to get across. In 7 years I never admitted I was wrong, well I did, and it always came with a but...! This time I lost her and no matter what the reasons I was wrong.

Is it so hard to accept someone could admit to that?

[lhn]

Wheres the other post?

[badger]

I have read both threads and what is obvious is both these people are hurting. They have both been a strength and a weakness in the relationship, which happens, but I get the impression theses guys are polar.

Hey, whatever has gone on is clearly complex, so I would not be quick to offer a judgment, but on this post what I get a sense this guy is wanting to say I know I screwed up, I dealt the death blow to the relationship and I'm sorry - we both played our parts but I broke it, and i'm sorry. For anyone, especially a man to say I was wrong and have the emotional intelligence to leave it there and not justify and excuse is a big step.

I agree, neither of these people have begun to heal. If they were friends of mine I would be tempted to lock them in a room until they sorted it out one way or another.

Ok, so he got things wrong, he screwed up, but how many men admit it without an agenda. Ok, so he was a b*sta*d but lets give him the respect for putting his hands up.

If he did to me what he did with her, I'd be p*ssed, but if he said that to me I'd respect him for it.

[shheadz]

Muppet, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Half the people on these forums have gone through this exact same stage just a few days after their breakup. Give it a few weeks so you can start feeling what you did wrong, instead of only realizing you've done something wrong. Until then chill out. Empty apologies aren't going to help.

Wheres the other post?

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/37420-really-need-urgent-serious-opinions.html[/url]

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, I'm going to have side with shheadz on this one (as if there would be any other way!?).

Just by reading your posts, and based on everything I read and everything I've experienced, I can't say that I trust in this miraculous and fast transformation. Like shh has said, there have been so many people that have been at the stage you are at and say the things that you have said. I was one of them. But you are in panic mode. You have lost something that is important to you and you are feeding your selfish inner ego trying to get back what you had before.

You have been apologizing since the break up began and as you said you have been justifying yourself. Even in your other thread, I read how you didn't cheat on her and did all these great things. Don't try to feel sorry for yourself and don't use that as leverage to get back into your relationship. And I see now that you are apologizing, no justifications. That is good and respectable, and surprising uncommon. Yet still, it's another tactic to try and get back what you had.

The damage is done. There is nothing you can do to erase that or soften the blow. Words are great, but when you break somebody's trust, they are more or less meaningless. Actions dictate more than words do, and your actions right now are telling your story: you are trying too hard to prove something. The problem with that is that if you know you have something and are confident in what you have, you will not have or feel the need to prove it.

Why is NC so powerful, important, and necessary? Because it is confined to just you, it is your opportunity to make serious internal changes, and most importantly what you are doing is for you and once you achieve that, you will not need to demonstrate that or vocalize that to others. Your changes will be shown through your behavior and it will be noticeable to those that know you.

Most importantly, NC is not selfish. Your girlfriend dumped you for a reason and it wasn't on a whim. She's thought about it for a while and when they are ready to do that, there is nothing you can do to change her mind. By constantly bringing it up with her, pestering her with how you changed, it is just bringing back the hurt and pain caused by the relationship and will not allow her to heal. Even for your own sake, it is pushing her farther and farther away. That's not love. There needs to be space. Lots and lots and long periods of space. For both of you to heal and both of you to become better people from this tragedy.

There is nothing you can do or say to win her back. She will have to make the decision on her own. If she came back from your poking and prodding, like you hope, it would be for guilt or pity and I guarentee you will back here on this forum in the future.

Considering the length of your relationship, I would say your chances in the future are zero. That was one of my favorite pastimes during the initial break up was to try and calculate what my chances were and what I can do to increase it. The epitomy of selfishness.

Sorry if it was harsh or cruel. Expectations versus reality.

[lahnnabell]

cmac and shheadz are two of the most qualified posters to answer this thread. Take what they have to say to heart. Both of them have learned a great deal from their own situations.

[lhn]

The whole 'signing up to a dating website' thing is just crazy and I'm sure you regret that like mad. That's a suicidal act of lunancy when you're in a relationship. How the hell would you feel if you saw your partner on there? But I know u know this already, hence your post.
Stuff like that will singlehandly destroy trust forever. Literally. And this may have already happened.

You have to understand, even if it was harmless and just to raise your own spirits then something was fundamentally wrong with your relationship which you didn't have the experience or guts to deal with head-on. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has shit to deal with. Whether it be major things or minor. How you deal with it is what makes or breaks a situation.

Love can be the most unforgiving thing in life... I've been through it, so has Ssheadz & cmacattack. As have tons of others on here.

Btw, the credibility of your post was erased when you wrote it on the forum she has already been on. I know you are trying to reach out and the hit a heart string. Thats what heartbreak does to people.

Right now, space is needed. She knows you love her and regret alot. I think its safe to assume you have hurt her beyond any reasonable measure and that if you two do come to some sort of relationship-reunion then it will be the rockiest road you have ever walked along. Just be ready to accept a couple of things.

1. You may not get another chance.
2. If you do get another chance, things may never be the same again.

[cmacattack1]

Agreed. I'd be absolutely horrified and be off this forum in a heartbeat if my ex saw what I was writing and some of my weepy previous threads. Especially this soon.

[lhn]

Agreed. I'd be absolutely horrified and be off this forum in a heartbeat if my ex saw what I was writing and some of my weepy previous threads. Especially this soon.

Definitely BUT... it's an interesting concept to show your ex (a few yrs on) your posts, just to give them a slight insight into how badly you loved and were affected by them leaving u.

Am I the only one who thinks this?

Sry, don't mean to derail the thread!

[Petit Papillon]

I just read the other thread and man... You`re such a jerk. Go to hell !