Kissing issue

[Kirkland]

So I've been dating this girl for about 2 months, she's my first real girlfriend and we're both 20 and in college. In that time we have only kissed twice. Sometimes she seems really happy to be in my company, while at other times she just looks plain uncomfortable. She was over at my place a week before Christmas helping to put things together, we were having a great time laughing and telling jokes. At the end of that night I leaned in to kiss her and she turned away. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't like to be kissed by anymore, not even me. This had me feeling very insecure, but trying my best not to ruin the evening I wished her well.
I let the issue slip away, but it again came up when we were texting a few nights later. She finally confessed that she did love being kissed, but I was bad at it. I spent hours doing all kinds of nerdy research on kissing, even getting excellent tips and techniques from honest irreplaceable friends.
Unfortunately we weren't able to spend Christmas together as both our families had different things going on, but we were together the following day for nearly 12 hours straight. We played a few games, talked, flirted like crazy, I bought us dinner, and at the end of the night I decided I would use my newly acquired knowledge of kissing to woo her. The moment was perfect, holding her hand, arm over the shoulder, I leaned in for the kiss… and again she turned away.
I was about done with this game, rejected I turned to the door and waved goodbye, closing it after me. I'm not going to lie, I was just past furious. She got online the following day and I confronted her about the issue. I told her how she made me feel, that I couldn't become any better at kissing if she wouldn't even give me a shot at it. I wanted to know exactly why she didn't want to kiss me. She told me it was something she'd rather say in person, and that online or over the phone would be too harsh, that she doesn't want me to end up giving her an ultimatum. I'm not stupid, so I asked if it was because she doesn't like me. She said no, she wasn't dumping me and that I assume too much.

I'm left dazed and confused at this point. I saw her just tonight and even though it was something she wanted to talk about in person she still wouldn't say a thing to me. It's got my brain on fire, it's ruining our relationship. What can I do if she wont talk to me?

[CAM]

Either there's more to the story that you are or not aware OR the other alternative is that she's a whack job.

I think there is a possibility that you've overlooked something here. The thing I'm seeing is that she's 20. She probably places a huge emphasis on the first kiss...if it is good then she thinks that is a good sign. If it is bad, then the relationship has no chance.

That's my impression of what's going on. She'll drag it out and drive you ****ing out of your mind. The other possibility is to chalk it up as a learning experience and trying kissing another woman. Practice makes perfect!

Truth be told: you ought to date the less popular girl who has nice lips and let her teach you to kiss. She'll be so happy that she has a boyfriend and you'll be so happy because you are learning something. And who knows, she might turn out to be a nice mate.

Your current gf sounds like a drama queen.

[lahnnabell]

I agree that this girl is inciting drama. Something she'd rather say in person? Has she got some mysterious form of herpes or something? And she saw you in person, and STILL said nothing? Graw. I would be irritated too. Good for you on standing up for yourself.

Were you able to figure exactly why you were a bad kisser despite her having not said anything? I dated a guy that would extend his tongue as he was kissing me. It was like some weird lizard kiss. I once opened my eyes too soon and saw him licking the air in front of me and I almost cracked up in his face.

[CAM]

Maybe she's a tranny and your passionate kiss gave her an erection?

[CAM]

Just being silly, of course

[shheadz]

You've got my vote on "drama queen".. That's for sure. Really I'm kind of scratching my head here. Maybe the mood isn't as right as you think? Are you being too forceful? Hell, I don't even know if that matters.

I spent hours doing all kinds of nerdy research on kissing, even getting excellent tips and techniques from honest irreplaceable friends.

Ah jeez.. Don't do that! haha Learn to kiss by kissing girls. You're going to lose all the passion if your mind is thinking about all these steps you're supposed to be taking for the "perfect kiss".

[Kirkland]

Hah, that lizard thing made me laugh so bad. Ah, you've set me in a good mood. Thank you.

I don't really know whats up with her and kissing, maybe I really did make a bad first impression like Cam suggested. I'd like to earn her trust to hopefully correct it, I mean I love spending time with her and couldn't imagine us being separated. I don't think we could ever be just friends.

I'll keep you posted on what happens. Thanks for all your help!

[SarahJaine]

...maybe she is insecure about herself and needs learn to be comfortable with letting you in.

things will turn up. just get her to talk to you.

[steve1968]

This is just speculation, but any chance she has someone else that is satisfying her physical needs? Could that be what she wanted to talk to you about that night but got nervous? If I was in your shoes, my first instinct would be that there is someone else in her life. I find it suspiciuos that she repeatedly will not give you a chance to redeem yourself. If she cared enough about you, she would allow you to kiss her again. Again, just speculation. I don't know enough about the situation. But I would recommend you be cautious here. Move on if you have to.

[lahnnabell]

...maybe she is insecure about herself and needs learn to be comfortable with letting you in.

things will turn up. just get her to talk to you.

Apparently "getting" her to talk to him is easier said than done. Be understanding for the time being, but as steve said, don't become a doormat. If she wants to continue to play this little mystery game, then maybe you should back off for a bit. Tell her that she needs to figure out whatever is up with her. She's obviously not letting you help her with it.