The steely exterior ex-GF's put up after a break up

[cmacattack1]

Time to rediscover who you are again. Minus the fun and excitement of discovering things. It's hard to feel confident when you've been rejected and it's more like you feel worthless. I know exactly how you feel. You want somebody else to take away the hurt but in this current state it's almost impossible because you aren't projecting that confidence and self security. I always thought it was funny that I was so self confident with girls when I had a girlfriend, I'm trained to feel like I need one.

Being on your own right now sucks but it's healthy to break that dependency on another. You are going about things the right way. You shouldn't be giving up on your working out and what you were doing before either. You are doing this for you remember, not for her. No reason to give up just because you've accepted it's over. You have that determination in you. Put yourself in positions to meet new people and even if you don't feel like pursuing somebody else, it's okay. It's really funny how when you aren't looking, things can and usually do just fall in your lap.

[TimeToGrowUp]

I was left to sit in agony for the last 6-7 weeks. I got to bare all the blame for why the 4.5 years failed. She got to move on and move on quickly with the blossoming relationship with her trainer. The only time she ever initiated contact with me was two weeks ago to rage at me for some unfounded accusation. I went completely NC on her the last 2 weeks. I had removed her from Facebook and Myspace weeks ago. Didn't wish her a Merry Xmas or Happy New Year. I even switched my gym time to late at night so that I wouldn't have to run into her.

.........and now this.........

Hope you're doing well and had a good new years eve! I don't want us to hate each other cuz we had a lot of good times and I wish only the best for you.

Oye. I don't even know how to respond to it. I really thought she would never attempt to contact me at all. I had actually been in awe of it. I felt kind of sorry for myself that she went all that time, as if I had no impact on her in all those years we shared. The irony is that last night I probably had one of the most fun and fulfilling nights out with my friends in a long time.

[lahnnabell]

This girl is pissing me of FOR you. It sounds like she is just messing with you because she can. Maybe she doesn't even know she's doing it. I find that there are certain girls and/or women that are simply used to having lots of attention. When they don't have it coming from all sides, they start to fish for it. Leave it be, I say. You know that contacting her isn't going to be good in the long run.

[TimeToGrowUp]

This girl is pissing me of FOR you. It sounds like she is just messing with you because she can. Maybe she doesn't even know she's doing it. I find that there are certain girls and/or women that are simply used to having lots of attention. When they don't have it coming from all sides, they start to fish for it. Leave it be, I say. You know that contacting her isn't going to be good in the long run.

She definitely isn't comfortable by herself. This I do know.

I just really had myself in the mindset that it was over, she no longer loves or cares, and was starting to really put my head in the right place.....with a little bit of self-respect and self-preservation kicking in. In my mind I was not expecting any sort of contact from her given how unfavorable she made me out to be. And yet now she wishes the best for me?

[cmacattack1]

Agreed. My ex was hooked on attention like a drug and she craved it pretty good and wanted me to see her after she had her new boyfriend. Thankfully I think she cares about me enough to leave me alone through the holidays, especially since New Years last year was when I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Not that it would matter anyway, I know that any harmless text doesn't mean she wants me back. Bite this bullet and respond a you too or not respond at all. I would do that latter but the consequences for your relationship for her are meaningless afterall since you aren't together. Don't get tempted and read into it. If she has something more significant to say, she'll say it.

[TimeToGrowUp]

Agreed. My ex was hooked on attention like a drug and she craved it pretty good and wanted me to see her after she had her new boyfriend. Thankfully I think she cares about me enough to leave me alone through the holidays, especially since New Years last year was when I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Not that it would matter anyway, I know that any harmless text doesn't mean she wants me back. Bite this bullet and respond a you too or not respond at all. I would do that latter but the consequences for your relationship for her are meaningless afterall since you aren't together. Don't get tempted and read into it. If she has something more significant to say, she'll say it.

If I respond it will be very light. I just hate this part of it. It feels like a game and not genuine. I have no idea where she's coming from or why she feels the need to text all of the sudden.

[CocoChanel]

When me and my ex-fiance broke up for the first time back in August... we didn't talk for a while either. We would see each other and say absolutely nothing. I don't know what it is and we had been together 5.5 years. We got back together in November... but recently he's agreed to move out and give me my space. So, now it's our second break up. I haven't heard from him and Of course it's better that way. It hurts like hell, yes, because I don't hate him and still love him. So the act of us not speaking seems harsh now.

I guess if we were still speaking to each other every day, maintaining a friendship then we are not committing to a break up.

[TimeToGrowUp]

I guess if we were still speaking to each other every day, maintaining a friendship then we are not committing to a break up.

That's true. That's why I kind of want to just be blunt and ask what that really means to her? Are you asking me to be you friend? ..........

[lahnnabell]

Time, I think you should lay it out there 'cause this torture is unfair to you. I know some part of you still wants some semblance of contact with her, but it's not helping, right?

Your true healing will begin as soon as you stop wondering or wishing that you will hear from her at all. You don't have to be mean, but you can just say, "Look, this is difficult. I can't stay in contact with you like this because I don't see you as a friend. I need to distance myself from you in order to get through this. I need to take care of me."

Don't be bitter. Don't make chiding remarks about her new relationships. Just say you wish her the best, but that you need to be away from her. If she's any kind of mature human being, she'll get it and give you space. If she decides to get bitchy, all the more reason to say, "Fcuk you, bitch! I'm out!"

[cmacattack1]

Nothing wrong with being mature. Being civil keeps it from being written off forever. It's just way too soon though. I've noticed most NC lasts at least a year and that's with absolutely zero contact after the break up. Most don't and the NC needs to be longer. A couple months just isn't enough time and space to make a serious change and serious growth as a person. That's why you need this space from her as she does from you.

Who knows how you will feel in a year, but if you feel that way after no contact at all, it's pretty genuine. People change their minds all the time. It's like she's trying to force her to be in your head. That's why you need to give her the business and tell her to back off.

[TimeToGrowUp]

Nothing wrong with being mature. Being civil keeps it from being written off forever. It's just way too soon though. I've noticed most NC lasts at least a year and that's with absolutely zero contact after the break up. Most don't and the NC needs to be longer. A couple months just isn't enough time and space to make a serious change and serious growth as a person. That's why you need this space from her as she does from you.

Who knows how you will feel in a year, but if you feel that way after no contact at all, it's pretty genuine. People change their minds all the time. It's like she's trying to force her to be in your head. That's why you need to give her the business and tell her to back off.

I hear ya.

I kind of want to reply "Ok, so we say we don't hate each other and we go on with our lives. Is that what this is about?"

It's just entirely duplicitous to be how she was at the end and during the break up .....and now is wishing the best for me. At least she's human. For a moment there I almost thought she was alien for how easy she made this all appear to be.

[cmacattack1]

I know what you are talking about and it sucks that it feels like a game and it's not genuine to do that. You can do whatever you feel you need to do. Just because you feel like doing it this one day, you may regret it later. But if you feel like you need to this for yourself and if you aren't worried about what it will do to your guys relationship, I say do it.

I've been in that position and let emotion guide my judgement and I've found myself doing regretable damage. The fact that you are contemplating what to say to her might be the effect she wanted. I don't see the harm in saying "You too" but I wouldn't agonize over it. It might even make it seem like you don't care. Like I said, it's too soon for a difference and anything that happens now is going to have a miniscule effect. If you would like future reconciliation as an option in the future though, going back into talking about your relationship with her is probably going to bring you back to the beginning of all your progress. I know you have made some serious strides but this could mess you up mentally.

The only way you can get a genuine answer is if she wants to talk about it and she wants to come to you to let you know. There is nothing else you can really do.

[TimeToGrowUp]

I know what you are talking about and it sucks that it feels like a game and it's not genuine to do that. You can do whatever you feel you need to do. Just because you feel like doing it this one day, you may regret it later. But if you feel like you need to this for yourself and if you aren't worried about what it will do to your guys relationship, I say do it.

I've been in that position and let emotion guide my judgement and I've found myself doing regretable damage. The fact that you are contemplating what to say to her might be the effect she wanted. I don't see the harm in saying "You too" but I wouldn't agonize over it. It might even make it seem like you don't care. Like I said, it's too soon for a difference and anything that happens now is going to have a miniscule effect. If you would like future reconciliation as an option in the future though, going back into talking about your relationship with her is probably going to bring you back to the beginning of all your progress. I know you have made some serious strides but this could mess you up mentally.

The only way you can get a genuine answer is if she wants to talk about it and she wants to come to you to let you know. There is nothing else you can really do.

Well I'll tell you, I don't want to talk about the relationship at all. I don't want to talk about her situation with her trainer. I just want to get past the nonsense. It's like "spit it out" and let's be done with it.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, I'm sorry, I figure that was something you wanted to do based on all this hubbub over a text and the fact that you probably still have some questions about you two. I keep forgetting that you are a sane and rational person and that it's been a while and you are no longer trying to get back together or anything. You got thick skin buddy, let this one bounce off you with minimal response. It's the manly macho thing to do! If it's becoming more and more commonplace though, you will have to tell her to leave you alone give you space, etc.

[Moe]

Leave it alone and don't answer. My ex text me even after I asked her not to. I later found out it was all for her ego just to gloat.
You contact her and she don't answer you will feel worse believe me I was there. And even if she does answer she's still with someone else.