Was a mess, been great and successful since. EX is back however.

[JSEAN]

Okay, this is not something I would normally do, but this has somewhat been driving me crazy the past few days so I could use your opinions guys.

I once had a girlfriend whom I met when we were set up at the prom back in high school. We had instant chemistry when we met and I loved being around her. I was 18 back then, and she was 17.

We were together for 2 1/2 years, from my senior year in high school up to the early days of my third year in college. She was my first serious relationship and vice versa so as expected, we were both very immature. We'd fight constantly over small things, and broke up a couple of times and then got back together. Regardless of all this, she was just so much fun to be around and up until now, she's the only person whom I can say really knows me.

We finally broke up after one of our usual fights and I said a lot of harsh things. It was a mutual break up. A couple of weeks later I asked for her back and she said it was too late. That it wouldn't make sense anymore for us to keep trying. I didn't listen. For 4 months I tried winning her back. A no every time. I then decided to move on, and she had a new boyfriend. I stopped talking to her and lived my life. I was a huge mess after our break up and slowly but surely, I recovered.

FASTFORWARD to 2 years later. I graduated college, now have my own successful business, dated tons of girls and am now seeing someone whom I really like and is crazy about me.

Recently though, me and my ex got in touch and have been hanging out. Also found out that she and her boyfriend are over. For the past 2 months, I'd visit her at her place, we'd talk for hours. She loves travelling to beaches and all so she'd always ask me if I wanted to go with her and her friends. I'm very busy with my business so I'd casually decline. So we see each other every couple of weeks and just a couple of days ago, she asked me if I wanted to 'catch up' when in fact, we've been catching up so much already. We hung out from 9 PM to the wee hours of the morning and she'd say that 'you're so cool now that we're friends' and would repeatedly say 'you're so awesome' and that she thinks I've grown up and have achieved so much at my young age. Whenever I would ask her about her ex, she'd mention that they would often fight because deep inside, she was comparing him to me. That last night we hung out, she asked how it was going with this new girl of mine and I said pretty well. Part of the night, she'd keep talking about the guys that she's gone out with and even show me pictures on the computer and asked me what I thought. She also asked to see pictures of all the girls that I've dated since we broke up.

IT WAS THAT NIGHT that I started feeling something coming back. And I didn't like it because I remembered how bad it hurt when I lost her. I enjoy being with her. I feel like I'm home whenever when spend time together and she just completely gets me, and vice versa. I'm now 23 but I feel like she's the love of my life, but I can't risk looking stupid again if she only sees me as a friend and besides, I also have to think about my current girl, who's invested so much emotions on me already. Right now, the confidence and the swagger that I've gained from our break up is gone, and I'm going crazy thinking about her. I need advice and I need to settle this soon. I can't work and I can't get started on my new venture as well because I keep thinking about her.

The question is, do you guys think she's still interested? Or does she just really like hanging out with me as a friend?

IF NOT, then I plan to stop talking to her so that this mess in my heart will stop and I can just go on with my life before we started being close again.

[pixeldust]

It sounds like she has broken up with her boyfriend and wants to get her confidence back, and may be using you as a way to do it.

Does your current girlfriend know that you are seeing her? Does she know the history between you?

If yes, how does this make her feel?

If no, why not?

You owe it to your current girlfriend to either break it off now with her, or stop seeing this girl. It doesn't sound innocent to me, it sounds like she is becoming much closer to you than just a friend, especially given your history. You don't say a lot about your current girlfriend, in fact you barely mention her. How do you feel about her?

Current girlfriend trumps Ex Girlfriend. Always.

[JSEAN]

I didn't feel the need to tell her that I was seeing my ex because as far as I was concerned, it WAS innocent, and I had no intention but to just be friends. I also knew that she'd go paranoid-crazy if she knew so decided not to tell her. It was just until our last encounter that I started thinking about my ex in a romantic way again.

As for this current girl that I'm seeing, I've been doing so for a little over two months and she's great. I mean she's caring and all , but our chemistry is pale compared to the kind of relationship I have with my ex. I like her, but I love my ex.

But as far as reading into my ex, you really think she's just playing around? Before I can find out what to do with the current one, I need to know what my ex's intentions really are.

[pixeldust]

So, you're hiding the fact that you are seeing her from your current girlfriend, knowing how she would feel if she found out? That sounds deceitful, even if the relationship is relatively new. You aren't protecting her by not telling her - you are making things worse for when she DOES find out - because she is going to feel like you lied to her and betrayed her.

Waiting to see what to do with your current GF until you know the intentions of your ex - that sounds like you want to keep her (current GF) just in case. She's your plan B, and NO girl wants to be that.

Again, how do you think this would make her feel if she knew?

You need to make a choice between the two sooner rather than later. You either pursue your ex, MAN UP and let your current GF go, or you stop contacting your ex knowing that you both still have romantic feelings for each other.

[Heratriumphant]

Word to the wise, if you "don't feel the need to share" something with your current partner it is NEVER innocent.

I agree MAN UP! Tell the current GF and work things out, or move on! If you want to move on you need to be ready to do so without the safety net of the ex-gf.

[pixeldust]

Ahhh - safety net, exactly! Not cool. At all.

[JSEAN]

Okay, let me get this straight, I've been going out with this girl, but we're NOT OFFICIAL. We haven't talked about being exclusive yet. I don't see or feel the need to tell everything I do to someone I'm casually going out with.

We were introduced by a common friend, and it is from my common friend who tells me that she's absolutely nuts about me. If I hadn't known this, I could easily break it off. But I don't wanna hurt her, not when I haven't sorted out all my feelings yet. I'll do something about it soon I promise.

I just really need your help in diagnosing what signs my ex are showing. So that I'll know if I stay away from her or what.

I really do appreciate what you guys are trying to say though.

[chrisy]

You and your ex have known each other for quite sometime. Usually in those situations, both of you would have an accurate "gut" reading of each other. The fact that you have doubts as to her true intentions, is a warning for you not to go further with her romantically. It is possible that your doubts exist because your heart wants her but your "gut" is telling you that her intention is not "true". I would say, "move on" - she seems to be a bit manipulative.

[shheadz]

Okay, let me get this straight, I've been going out with this girl, but we're NOT OFFICIAL.

Jeez.. how long do you date someone before it becomes official?

[LailaK]

Ask your ex how she feels about you. If she sounds wishy washy take her at face value.

The reason most people on this forum are fixated on your current gf is because what you are doing with her is not cool and a lot of us have been in that situation.

I understand that you feel she likes you a lot and you don't want to hurt her by breaking up blah blah blah. You will hurt her 10 times more if you lie to her and string her a long as plan B girl.

It is a much better thing to let her go now, and explain that you still have feelings for your ex. This will allow your current gf to find someone who actually can fall in love with her and deserves her affections. anything less than that is selfish on your part.

[lahnnabell]

Okay, let me get this straight, I've been going out with this girl, but we're NOT OFFICIAL. We haven't talked about being exclusive yet. I don't see or feel the need to tell everything I do to someone I'm casually going out with.

We were introduced by a common friend, and it is from my common friend who tells me that she's absolutely nuts about me. If I hadn't known this, I could easily break it off. But I don't wanna hurt her, not when I haven't sorted out all my feelings yet. I'll do something about it soon I promise.

I just really need your help in diagnosing what signs my ex are showing. So that I'll know if I stay away from her or what.

I really do appreciate what you guys are trying to say though.

Now you are splitting hairs. You called her your girlfriend, but now because we're jumping on you, you're saying you are not official. Did you get together with this girl with intention to be faithful? The fact that you are hiding the contact with your ex from her suggests yes.

You are using both of these girls so that you don't have to deal with your own issues. Does this ex know about your current girlfriend, girl-friend, or whatever she is to you?

Think of it this way, you find this chick that you are SOO into. You really like her. However, you find out that she's been keeping in contact with an ex of hers, but she hasn't told you this herself. In fact, she's never mentioned it, and you get the feeling she's trying to keep you in the dark about it. How would you feel?