"Learning to love yourself"

[Graham Berkeley]

I'm sick and tired of hearing the cop-out line: "You have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you."

What does that sentence mean to you?

I hear that ****ing line constantly these days. I love myself just fine. Maybe a little more than I should yet I can't find a woman. I must air on the side of logic that my inability to find a decent woman is systemic from something I'm doing wrong but it is not that I don't love myself.

To sum it up to ME that lines translates into: "I need to sound wise as I don't have to courage to just keep my mouth shut when I don't know what to say."

[irrelevant_89]

I agree with that translation, although my chosen interpretation would be: "it doesn't matter if you love yourself or not, as long as other people think you do".

It's just a sad fact of life. Everyone loooves a confident person, the kind that puts up a performance every time he/she's socializing, that seems to always be in control, that is always nice, cheerful and seemingly happy regardless of whatever is going with his/her mind.

Sometimes people like that are the least trustworthy of us all. Sometimes they have deep insecurity issues hidden inside. But their abilities allow them to win everyone over, and they get a social advantage over those of us who are emotionally honest and unable to hide our true feelings, regardless of how "unpleasant" they might be to other people.

So yeah, you either put up a show and act all cool to impress teh ladiez, or you hope to find one that will take you just as you are. I choose the second option... until I become too desperate probably. :/

[shheadz]

It some ways it makes sense, but it's been said so much that it's become cliche, and has lost it's potency. Instead of saying "you need to love yourself", we should be saying "don't loath yourself", or "you need to be at peace with yourself" because not loving yourself 100% is perfectly natural.

As for you, the line about loving yourself doesn't have much to do with finding a woman.. it's about keeping her once you have.

[Junket]

Ever heard the saying, "you can't help others until your can help yourself"?

It's kinda lending to the same idea, that you can't properly love someone, and sustain a proper, healthy, long-term relationship if there isn't a balance of love and care for yourself, as well as your partner.

[starbuck]

Instead of saying "you need to love yourself", we should be saying "don't loath yourself",

Hahaha...I love this.

'Cause let's face it. None of us love ourselves 100% of time. If we did, we'd be delusional narcissists.

[vashti]

Maybe you are just spending too much time complaining about how undesireable you are?

Anyway, I think it's just a pop-psych term that is annoying, and if directed at me would instantly irritate me.

[shheadz]

There's some truth to only being able to love someone as much as you love yourself. But personally I think it feeds into the notion that no one will love us if we're not perfect, or we don't deserve love if we're not complete. These forums would be a lot more empty if fewer of us thought that way.

[Spring Haze]

So yeah, you either put up a show and act all cool to impress teh ladiez, or you hope to find one that will take you just as you are

There are people in this world who are genuinely confident.

[irrelevant_89]

I know (well duh), but I was talking about those who aren't, or those who are but don't put up the show (as seems to be Graham's case).

[Junket]

There's some truth to only being able to love someone as much as you love yourself. But personally I think it feeds into the notion that no one will love us if we're not perfect, or we don't deserve love if we're not complete. These forums would be a lot more empty if fewer of us thought that way.

I don't think that's true at all, and I believe the OP amongst others are blowing it out of proportion.

Just balance your f*cking lives.

[shheadz]

Just balance your f*cking lives.

That's true, but you don't need to wait until you've found balance in your life to seek out a meaningful relationship with someone, which too many people here worry about. You can't even try balancing life and a relationship until you're in one.

[Peter Pry]

I think it means that if you have no self-confidence, then you are unready for a mature relationship, because a insecure people become jealous and undermine their relationships by becoming controlling pricks out of dread of losing their partner. Only a person who can handle life on his/her own is free of unreasonable fear of loneliness and thus capable of a long and meaningful relationship.

[Pure Poison]

I agree with that translation, although my chosen interpretation would be: "it doesn't matter if you love yourself or not, as long as other people think you do".

It's just a sad fact of life. Everyone loooves a confident person, the kind that puts up a performance every time he/she's socializing, that seems to always be in control, that is always nice, cheerful and seemingly happy regardless of whatever is going with his/her mind.

Sometimes people like that are the least trustworthy of us all. Sometimes they have deep insecurity issues hidden inside. But their abilities allow them to win everyone over, and they get a social advantage over those of us who are emotionally honest and unable to hide our true feelings, regardless of how "unpleasant" they might be to other people.

So yeah, you either put up a show and act all cool to impress teh ladiez, or you hope to find one that will take you just as you are. I choose the second option... until I become too desperate probably. :/

I think that's totally false. I'm like that, where I come off as confident, in control, nice, cheerful, all of that is me..despite what I'm going through inside, I hide those problems/insecurities and go on like nothing ever happened because I rather not seem weak or vulnerable. However, that doesn't leave me untrustworthy at all. A lot of my friends come to me for advice and I hold their secrets inside. I love helping other people and making them feel better because sometimes when I'm giving advice, it's like I'm reminding myself too. I'm quite trustworthy.


As for the quote in question here.. I actually like that quote and interpret it to mean just about what it says. Many people have insecurities - it's normal - but some just don't seem to really love themselves, in the context of not respecting themselves, their body, not standing up for themselves, etc. Those are obviously determined through people's actions or how they may respond to insults/certain questions. People can tell if a person is insecure about themself, well, atleast I can. So what it is is if you have such insecurities lingering around you you'll definetly think about those bad things more than the good things about yourself and it may hide the real you. That's why you have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you - so you can look at them eye to eye in how you/they see you.

Now, I hope that made sense lol. It sounds liek a bunch of points mumbled jumbled together. Haha, ah well atleast I know what I'm talking about. =)

[irrelevant_89]

Well, I was thinking of the well-documented cases of socio/psychopats that, before going on serial-killing sprees, are thought to be excellent people by everyone, because of their fine-tuned social skills... bad and extreme example perhaps...

[Gigabitch]

Has that advice gotten your friends anywhere, Graham? That kind of shit makes me want to go live in cave by myself in the mountains.

I think it works when you replace "love" with "respect", though.