Am I wrong?

[MrPhysics]

Well here is my situation:

Like 2 weeks ago, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me then slept with one of her friends. I forgave her, she said she regrets its all and she realized she made that mistake. She was just really upset at that time and he said all the right things to her and ate her mind. She said she would never do it again. I gave her another chance. We love each other very much, she always re-assures me that she loves me a lot. Everything has been fine, going great. But she says that she still wants to be friends with this guy. She says she won't hang out with him or anything, just text. She says hes a good friend. It's just really hard because of what she did with him. It makes me feel uncomfortable, because she still wants to talk to this guy that like nearly ruined us. I told her that I don't want her talking to him anymore, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Also I've noticed she been very cautious with her phone like she doesn't want me to see it. Is she hiding something? She tells me shes not and she loves only me and that she has no feelings for him.
She says shes going to tell him tomorrow that she cant talk to him anymore. Am I wrong for doing this? I don't want her talking to him behind my back.

[vashti]

Given the circumstances, you shouldn't have had to ASK her to cut contact - she should have offered to.

My crystal ball sees trouble in your future with this girl.

[MrPhysics]

Well she did offer. She said that I'm more important to her than this guy so she will but she doesn't want to because he's a "good friend". I don't know I just didn't want to see her upset. And I said it's fine just don't do it so much. She hasn't been texting him. He has been texting her and i don't know it's just bothering me when they talk. I've never met this guy, I want to meet this guy and she doesn't want me to. She thinks it'll bring more trouble. I told her if you really want to be his friend then why can't I be his friend?

[mrman256]

you shouldnt feel bad afterall she did sleep with him. I would be upset and ask her to throw her phone in the bin! At least she offered to stop contacting him. it might be necessary for her to see him and break up with this guy if they did see each other. that takes courage to break up with someone face to face so at least you will know shes not a coward. still Make her pay for whats she's done though other whys she'll just try and walk all over you. As one of my wisest friends said you have to be a bit arrogant and say you deserve better than that.

[Spring Haze]

More details are needed. Why did she break up with you? to get with him? Why did you two decide to get back together?

I told her if you really want to be his friend then why can't I be his friend?

Were you trying to use reverse psychology, or was this a sincere question?

[MrPhysics]

It's just really hard to trust her now. She said she is going to tell this guy that they can't talk anymore today. I haven't talked to her yet because she went out this morning to look for a job and pay some bills. I'm kind of worried that she might go see him or something. I don't know what to think.

@Spring Haze:
At the time, she broke with me because I wasn't giving her enough love and attention. She was just really upset and it was hard for her to leave me as she said, then that same night she was with her friend. And she told me that he was saying all the right things to her like: "You're a good person; You're pretty" etc etc. We decided to get back together because we are still in love, she apologized sincerely for what she did and regrets it. It's just hard for me to trust her to a limit. I don't want to lose her out of my life, I gave her another chance. And it's been going great.

For the question about me wanting to be his friend. I think it was a bit of both, because honestly why can't I meet this guy and see whats so great about him. Why can't he be my friend? She gets a bit upset when I say I want to meet him. She says it will just be awkard and that I will probably punch him in the face. I told her I just want to meet this guy, I never met him.

[lostwithyou]

It's just really hard to trust her now.

You answered your own questions. If you can't trust someone why be with them? It will haunt you in a long run.

[kai]

Leave her dude. There will definitely more troubles if you don't leave now. Break up with her and start a new life. There is no point in living like this.

[IndiReloaded]

Since she broke up with you first and then slept with her 'friend', technically she didn't cheat on you. Tho I think it was disrespectful to your long relationship and rather fast work. I'm guessing she had a thing for this guy well before your break.

So I'm not sure what you distrust about what happened, unless you think she was seeing him before you broke up.

But the fact she wants to keep contact w/him after what happened is wrong. Its almost like she wants to string you both along. No girls is worth this hassle. If you really want to give it another go, tell her she needs to cut contact with this guy if she wants to be with you. Meantime, YOU should work on trying to meet her emotional needs so she isn't looking to get them filled outside of your relationship. You both have to give something to improve.

I'd give this a few months, under those conditions. If things don't improve then you should each try to find someone more compatible.

[mrtdg82]

Crazy stuff....

Of course you wont want her to talk to him, and neither would I if i was in your situation. I know its hard but id let her go because its more trouble then its worth and you'll be forever wondering if he's text etc...

[mrtdg82]

Since she broke up with you first and then slept with her 'friend', technically she didn't cheat on you. Tho I think it was disrespectful to your long relationship and rather fast work. I'm guessing she had a thing for this guy well before your break.

So I'm not sure what you distrust about what happened, unless you think she was seeing him before you broke up.

But the fact she wants to keep contact w/him after what happened is wrong. Its almost like she wants to string you both along. No girls is worth this hassle. If you really want to give it another go, tell her she needs to cut contact with this guy if she wants to be with you. Meantime, YOU should work on trying to meet her emotional needs so she isn't looking to get them filled outside of your relationship. You both have to give something to improve.

I'd give this a few months, under those conditions. If things don't improve then you should each try to find someone more compatible.

Pretty much spot on i think.

[MrPhysics]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Well, I do trust her. I didn't mean like I don't completely trust her, I'm just starting to work slowly again at gaining that level that I once had and she understands. She is working with me. Technically, yes she did not cheat on me. But it was rather a fast act of moving to sleep with this guy.

Thank you IndiReloaded I knew it was wrong. I just don't know how to approach her and not make her upset. We already had a talk about it, last night. She says she will cut the contact today. We've yet to talk about it. The thing that also bothers me is that what they start talking behind my back. I'd rather know than to them talking behind my back. I think it's just my insecurities. And yes, I am working on her emotional needs and I will change. How would I go about approaching this and make her see that it is indeed wrong? What do I say?

[IndiReloaded]

You'll know quickly if she is still seeing him. If she does, you should dump her. You already know this, you physics guys aren't exactly dumb.

[Spring Haze]

She says she will cut the contact today. We've yet to talk about it. The thing that also bothers me is that what they start talking behind my back. I'd rather know than to them talking behind my back. I think it's just my insecurities.

This is not a matter of you being insecure. Her instability has been displayed by having sex with someone the day of your breakup. And then she claims it was done out of her being "really upset" and him saying "all the right things." Clearly she has little class and standards. Of course, she -could- change. Just be on the lookout for signs without resorting to controlling means or paranoid thinking.

How would I go about approaching this and make her see that it is indeed wrong? What do I say?

You shouldn't have to try and convince her. If she truly wants to make things work, and attempt a turnaround, then this could be the deciding factor as to how/if things progress.

[miss loner]

Try to explain to her you're real feelings, make her feel that you really love her. maybe when she felt you're love for her she would thought for what she had done and regret for doing something wrong that makes you uncomfortable, telling her all what you feel might make up her mind. if you really love her let her feel it and protect her, if you still hadn't succeed maybe she's just playing with you, always remember :What you give is what you get, but if you played around with someone's serious feelings you better move on, remember the world never stops spinning...