My weird "relationship"-and I do use the term loosely...Loooong thread...

[Questionheart]

So I'm in this -"relationship". It started 7 months ago relatively normally. We saw each other on a regular basis for about a month...then things gradually broke off.

A few months later we got back in contact, started texting each other more and more regularly and it gradually became the case where we were texting each other every single night, for at least an hour every single night.

Now we have a "relationship" where he texts me every night as I said, occasionally he will call, usually before bed. We say I love you to each other every night before bed either through text or phone. Sometimes we get naughty or lovey dovey with each other over the phone and text. However, we have not physically seen each other in about 6 months.

He only lives about 25-30 minutes away. He does work a lot, which is his excuse. His other excuses are that he is stressed a lot and is going through some sort of anxiety because of his stressful job. Yes, I have asked him to see me. He gives these excuses, says he wants to see me but just can't. Also, my schedule is such that I would only be able to see him later at night. He has mentioned this as another issue but then I recall in the beggining how he told me he would gladly see me at any time of the night just so long as he could see me.

So thats the situation. He has asked to see me on occasion but whenever the day comes around, somehow we just don't end up seeing each other. We were actually supposed to see each other tonight but I knew that it wouldn't happen.

So, I just don't get it. A couple of times, in the heat of a naughty phone call he asked me if I was his girl and I said I was. We say "love you" every night. And every single night he texts or calls me without fail. But when it comes to seeing me, that just doesn't happen.

There's a couple of weird things about this-well a million weird things- but two that I don't get:

1. If he is playing me in some weird way then does he think I am dumb or does he just not care if I leave? Because isn't it obvious to him that at some point he really needs to show some effort or else I'll split?

2. Wouldn't he have tried to get laid by now? (No, we haven't done that yet)


I just don't get it. A couple of times I have gotten upset with him and it's like he really doesn't get why. He just gets upset that I get mad at him. I don't know if he really believes that our "relationship" is fine or if he thinks that I'm an idiot or if he is living in a fantasy world or if he is pushing me until I leave?

When we do talk it is so lovey dovey and full of compliments and lovely. It's great. And he talks to me (via text or speaking on phone) EVERY single night, without fail.


So yeah, if anyone has any clue about what this guy is thinking, let me know...

[irrelevant_89]

Well, I for one don't know. But if it's any comfort for you, I'm currently in a similar situation with a girl, one I truly love but only speak to over the net (we only saw each other once, in July). More details in its own thread soon, but yeah, it's so weird. I mean, we'd expect that if our respective love interests really do love us, they'd do anything to see us, right?

My theory is that they have put us in very specific slots in their busy lives, thinking that if we try to step out of those slots (mainly by looking for physical closeness) something (not sure what) will go very wrong.

Does someone have better advice? :S

[shheadz]

Have you considered he might have a girlfriend?

[Heratriumphant]

I vote gay.

[irrelevant_89]

Have you considered he might have a girlfriend?

Oh god, this could actually be true... damn I hope not. That would be just so wrong.

[shheadz]

Oh god, this could actually be true... damn I hope not. That would be just so wrong.

Whatever the case is, it sounds like he's getting his kicks with her, and has no intention of taking things to the next level. It sounds like she's completely wasting her time.

[Questionheart]

Have you considered he might have a girlfriend?

Everyone says this straight off. I mean I hope not. I would ask but its a bit awkward to bring up one night , "Love you, oh by the way do you have a girlfriend?"...

The hardest part of it for me to understand is that, if the worst is true, i.e.: he is stringling me along in some way, it is hard for me to understand how he could do that to me, or any girl, unless he is some sort of jerk, which I don't sense that he is.


Having said that, he did tell me that many years ago, when he was younger, he used a girl. Apparently they had a fast whirlwind relationship right before he moved and he just didnt tell her that he was moving.

I suppose I shouldn't think I am so special that he wouldn't do that to me. Then again, can a guy use a girl to text and phone to? I mean, I thought guys used girls for sex. What guy wants to talk so much? But maybe he likes feeling the love and attention?

As far as the possibility of him being gay, ha, that's a whole other can of worms. He spends nearly every night hanging out with his best buddy. Whether they are into each other or not, I guess it doesn't look good for me either way when a guy spends so much time with a buddy and none with me.

[shheadz]

I mean, I thought guys used girls for sex.

Contrary to popular belief, guys do need more than food, sleep, and sex (Although those are high on our priority list haha). Like anyone else we need our egos stroked, and we need attention. The only odd thing about your relationship is we'll usually take those things and the sex. I have no problem driving 30 minutes to get a piece of a$$. So why won't he? It's suspicious indeed.

[Questionheart]

Contrary to popular belief, guys do need more than food, sleep, and sex (Although those are high on our priority list haha). Like anyone else we need our egos stroked, and we need attention. The only odd thing about your relationship is we'll usually take those things and the sex. I have no problem driving 30 minutes to get a piece of a$$. So why won't he? It's suspicious indeed.

Yep, thats what I dont get.

[Mia123]

Yeah this is weird. Its no wonder you are confused. Going back to the beginning, you guys dated for a short time before things started to unravel. Why was that and has that changed, or would it change if the two of you were seeing each other on a reg basis?

If you want more and he doesn't then, hard as it might seem, you have to break the cycle and give yourself a chance to refocus and find someone who does want to see you in person and do the normal dating stuff. It'll mean no contact, possibly even changing your mobile no or blocking him, but he is messing with your emotions and that's not fair on you.

Everything happens for a reason.. make 2010 the year good stuff happens for you.

[lilly1185]

I am betting on married. Cut off contact.

[shheadz]

It honestly doesn't matter why he's playing games. He's an emotional vampire, and he's going to suck you dry if you don't run!

[Spency]

If he wont meet you, then it really can not go any further.

Is it always him that cancels?

Sounds like you are doing all the chasing and thats just not the way it should be.