Dating your boss

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, Q. Pretty much the entire forum thinks its stupid, but you have already decided what you want to do. The rest is just excuses. You don't really want our advice, which is to not go there. Sadly, you reinforce my opinion of silly young women. The temporary satisfying of hormones won't be worth it, but I guess single moms get lonely and desperate too. Good luck.

EDIT - As for the company whore thing, you don't get it. It doesn't matter what the actual situation is, I am describing appearances. If I knew a girl was having stalker problems with a guy from the company, and then I see she's dating someone else in the company shortly after, I would certainly consider the possibility you did *something* to lead the first guy on. Right or wrong doesn't play into such things, only the fact that there will be fallout from the decision.

[starbuck]

IndiReloaded says:

"I have never done anything stupid like this. I would never put a man over my career. So your implication its all women is wrong, Neo."

an exception to the rule does not negate the norm.

According to this AOL study only 1 in 5 women dated or thought about dating their boss. That's hardly the "norm."

"Specifically, 5 percent admit they have crossed that line and slept with the boss, while 12 percent have just thought about it but not acted on the impulse."

[url]http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/pf/package.jsp?name=fte/affairwithboss/affairwithboss[/url]

[qwertz]

Okay, Q. Pretty much the entire forum thinks its stupid, but you have already decided what you want to do. The rest is just excuses. You don't really want our advice, which is to not go there. Sadly, you reinforce my opinion of silly young women. The temporary satisfying of hormones won't be worth it, but I guess single moms get lonely and desperate too. Good luck.

What has me being a single mum got to do with anything?!!!
You have some strange belief that single mums dont get out/have friends/relationships/the same sort of life as 'normal' people!!!

Im not lonely or desperate..if it was that, then i would just go lap up the attention guys try to give me everytime i go out and cling onto that.
I have plenty of options for the kind of thing a desperate or lonely person would want, but i dont take them because im neither.

[qwertz]

EDIT - As for the company whore thing, you don't get it. It doesn't matter what the actual situation is, I am describing appearances. If I knew a girl was having stalker problems with a guy from the company, and then I see she's dating someone else in the company shortly after, I would certainly consider the possibility you did *something* to lead the first guy on. Right or wrong doesn't play into such things, only the fact that there will be fallout from the decision.

Ahh well im not gonna let THAT be the thing that makes me decide or not, I know i didnt lead him on and so do the people at my company that matter.
Plus, he hasnt done anything else and is apparently, getting 'help'.

edit: Your right about me being silly..im a stupid idiot for even considering it, i dont know why i am, but i am.

[IndiReloaded]

What has me being a single mum got to do with anything?!!!

Plenty. But this is what you need to figure out.

You have some strange belief that single mums dont get out/have friends/relationships/the same sort of life as 'normal' people!!!

You don't have the same situation as other people, at least not married ones or single ones w/o children. Its a mistake to act as if your situation is the same. Its not.

Im not lonely or desperate..if it was that, then i would just go lap up the attention guys try to give me everytime i go out and cling onto that.

This is not how I define desperate. I define it as willing to accept or justify a dodgy situation even when you know it may not be the best thing to do. Its about the thinking processes leading to decision (or lack of), not the actions per se.

[qwertz]

You don't have the same situation as other people, at least not married ones or single ones w/o children. Its a mistake to act as if your situation is the same. Its not.

Well obviously im not acting like my situation is the same, as i wouldnt be dating if i was married.

[lahnnabell]

Well obviously im not acting like my situation is the same, as i wouldnt be dating if i was married.

She's referring to the fact that your child's existence should be the main concern here. As many have observed, you are putting yourself in a precarious situation with your own supervisors (if they were to find out you are dating a higher-up at your place of business). Even though you feel that you have 100% job security, you still don't know what kind of personal/business relations this man has at work. As you said, you don't work directly for him.

The very fact that you are asking for advice about this situation shows that you are not secure in the decisions you've made. And yet, when we advise you to rethink those decisions, and be careful with future ones, you are the first one to tell us all that we're being ridiculous and overanalyzing the situation.

I'm sure you're enjoying the attention. Are you hoping to build something with this guy?

[qwertz]

She's referring to the fact that your child's existence should be the main concern here. As many have observed, you are putting yourself in a precarious situation with your own supervisors (if they were to find out you are dating a higher-up at your place of business). Even though you feel that you have 100% job security, you still don't know what kind of personal/business relations this man has at work. As you said, you don't work directly for him.

The very fact that you are asking for advice about this situation shows that you are not secure in the decisions you've made. And yet, when we advise you to rethink those decisions, and be careful with future ones, you are the first one to tell us all that we're being ridiculous and overanalyzing the situation.
I'm sure you're enjoying the attention. Are you hoping to build something with this guy?

1)yes and he is, oh..like i said before.
2) yes i have job security(me losing my job is not an issue, whatever happens)
3) well obviously, i wasnt denying that, thats why i started the thread.
4)please tell me where i said people were being ridiculous and over analyzing the situation..if you care to read properly, i thanked most for their posts and agreed with them!
5) I dont 'hope' for things like that..what happens, happens.

I said quite clearly, i thought i was an idiot for considering it, my previous posts were more 'think out loud' type.
And i was just making it clear, that i have 100% job security so that is not an issue, i get annoyed when people bring the fact im a mum into this..it wont affect my son at all, so cant see what that has to do with anything.

Anyway ive made the right decision over this now, so end of.

[Charlie Boy II]

I was a bit of a man-whore at my workplace when I started. There were too many young lawyresses there, and I was the only male under 45 with and without a gut.

It didn't really do me much harm. Just made things a bit awkward for a little while.

[Gigabitch]

Qwerty, I haven't known you very long but in that time I've come to the conclusion that you are capable of a fantastic amount of self-delusion. You have a great big pair of rose-colored glasses on all day long.

Remember how you thought your stalker guy was just a harmless boob with a crush and then it spun out of control? This could easily spin out of control as well.

You'll never see it coming because you don't want to. You want to live in a world where everyone is decent to one another and people take hints. Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. Dating your boss is a TERRIBLE idea. Just because you can't see how this could go off the rails and make you miserable doesn't mean it couldn't happen. You need to learn how to see these things coming!

I think you need to be protected from yourself and your own questionable judgment.

[Perryville]

Qwert, baby, I say that you should see where this goes. I was involved with my boss, in college. She was 10 years older than me, but our affair was volcano-hot for a year or so. It ended badly, but that was no fault of ours, but the holier-than-thou administration, who thought that it was "sinful", for an older woman to be with a younger man, so I was forced to resign. If you are certain that it will not affect your job, or his, then the only potential fall-out is emotional. If both of you are aware of this , then what's the issue?

[Dogtoast]

You may not see how this can affect your job now, but things change and this is just the situation that will easily make those changes for you!

I'm not saying it can LOSE you your job, but look at it this way. What if you guys go out for a year or two and everything is great. You break up, get your heart broken or whatever, and now you have to work with your EX whom you are still in love with. That shit makes you want to QUIT your job. There's numerous other possibilities out there that could occur.

Don't do it. The amount of bad things that can and most likely will happen, is endless.

I dated my ex gf that worked for me, and my delusion was "I'm going to marry this chick so its cool, it'll just last forever" Two years later we're broken up and it is THE WORST. Please take it from me, and meet someone outside of work.

[CocoChanel]

Anyway ive made the right decision over this now, so end of.

I don't think she wants anymore advice people. LOL!

But anyway... Charlie how many of those women were your boss?

[all alone]

I don't think she wants anymore advice people. LOL!

But anyway... Charlie how many of those women were your boss?

haha yeah, shes made up her mind.. and being equivalent level in the hierarchy and being in a boo-underling relationship is completely different. He may not be able to fire you, but he could probably maker her life hell if he wanted to.. you def hit the nail on the head coco.

[IndiReloaded]

You better hope that your 'boss' or whatever he is, is more expendable than you. Because if things go sideways and it comes to a choice b/c *either* of your jobs are being affected, you may be surprised to be shown the door.

I'm speaking from experience, Q. I've let a good worker go b/c she was simply too much trouble for the team. Good at her job, better than most actually, but too much drama. Not worth it.

I doubt in this soft job market that your position is so unique that noone else will do it. Even my job isn't 100% secure and I'm pretty qualified relative to most.