another kind of love

[valhensing]

Here i'm just got off the chat with my sister after another argument. And i realize i'm free of her!

Why so you ask?

First of all, for all the 18 years i've lived with my sister, i cant count how many times my sister said i'm stupid and i make her feel embrassed.

For example, last year, when i came back my country, my sister took me to her boss's house. I saw an empty aquarium (with water inside). I told her boss's wife: "why dont you have some fishes inside? It would prevent mosquitos". Her boss's wife smille and said she will.

When we were alone after that, my sister told me: "why are you so stupid, why did you say that, of course they know how to take care of their house. You dont have to teach them. I'm so embrassed".

Just something like that and i got scolded. No wonder y i'm a social withdrawal kind of person. Because i got scold for saying anything at all. I'm always worry if i said anything worng to people and that's y. She makes me feel insecure

And we just argued again, my sister said to send any money i have back and only keep the bare minimum for myself. If i need anything, i can withdraw the money from her credit card.

So what's the point of sending her the money, got the transfer money charge and then got it again when i try to withdraw it? To make my sister have a sense of controlling over people? And my sister is the kind of person that tolf my mother to butt off of her money spending... Now she's trying to control my everything, always asking where my money goes.

I know her life is crappy. But that doesnt mean she could trample on me just to feel better.

And suddenly, it hits me. I'm free from her. What every she said in chat room, i could just turn the chat off. If she calling me, i could turn off my cell phone. What else can she does? fly to where i am just to control me?

From now on, i dont have to take the crap from her anymore. I have what it takes to listen to her when i feel like so and stop listen to her when i dont want it. I AM FREE everyone!!!!

[lovedoctor007]

You are free now but you can't be really free until you face her and tell her what you have to say, act like a man, if you don't want to do it and you feel good this way then leave it this way.

If she controled you, be carreful to do not find a girlfriend that will control you

[valhensing]

You are free now but you can't be really free until you face her and tell her what you have to say, act like a man, if you don't want to do it and you feel good this way then leave it this way.

-> if i face her and say all those stuff, that would be disrespectful.

And i'm actually dening her of what she should have rightfully (she is there under the pressure of all our relative and i'm here, free as a brezze).

It's a circle you know, ppl controlled her and now it's her turn to control somebody. She is failing in controlling her husband so she makes do with control me. I was going to bear with it if isnt for the fact that she and my relative made me the broken woman i'm now.... The other day, a man come over and ask me for my number. The sensible thing is to ask y or say that i have a bf but i just gave my number due to the fact that i was trained to not say "no". That's where i found the borderline

If she controled you, be carreful to do not find a girlfriend that will control you

-> i'm a girl....

[lovedoctor007]

I'm really sorry about the girlfriend mistake (i don't know your sexual preference anyway JOKING)

What can i say, try to be a better person do more of what you feel it's right for you, try to embrace the freedom more

[valhensing]

My sister is a piece of ....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my sister told me some stuff that made me really mad at her and i dont contact her any more. Just call my mother when she is at work.

Cause i need a credit card to purchase my plane ticket back home for new year, i called my mother twice this week telling her to ask my sister to send me her credit card info... (ok so i cant apply for a credit card yet). My mother said to call my sister directly, i said i dont want to, if she doesnt give me the info, i cant go back and i cant bring money back.

The thing is, my i took a student loan to study my degree and now i have to pay back, every month i need to send my sister money to pay my loan (i'm oversea)
. This month i havent since i planned to bring cash back home with me.. that's how i said if my sister dont give me her info, i wont bring back the money.

And my sister got mad.

Today my mother was online chat with me, she jump in and ask "did i threaten my mother i wont go back home etc". I disconnected from chat immediately and only check offline message just now. this is what she wrote:

"what the **** do i think you are"
"if want to go back, call me. If not, dont talk anymore"
"if cant payback your own loan, tell me so i would pay it" *she meant if i'm so damn incapable of paying my loan, say it, dont give excuses to not pay

I'm so dont want to go back home now

[chrisy]

Sometimes the only healthy option that we have with some members of our family is to "love them from a distance." Send her the payments for your student loan because it is your liability; however, maintain your independence and learn to say, "no". "No" to her not respecting your boundaries as an adult and "no" to any of her manipulative attempts to make you feel guilty.

This is your life - know it and don't allow anyone to trespass that right.

[valhensing]

she's messing with my mind, everytime i think of her i got angry. Should i still go back for new year? she got married this year and she and her husband are leaving in my house with my mother. I dont like her husband and dont want to live in the same house with a guy

[valhensing]

she is making me mad again!!!

when i said i dont want to argue anymore because i'm exhausted from work, she's all
"who ask you to take so much jobs"
"you'r so stupid, why dont you find another job with higher pay and less work"
...

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???
And she still ask me for more and more money. Even i send back the money for my loan, she just take it and buy stuffs (new car, etc) and then "i just borrow to buy, i'll pay you back"

I'm going crazy.......... I cant take it........

Why cant she just understand "i cant give you more money if i dont take up extra work which lead to exhaustion". "this is the best job that i can take as a fresh grad".

It's simple and plain: i cant. but she refuses to understand it

And i'm doing extremely well for a foreigner + fresh grad here

[valhensing]

anybody please give me any advices on this. I cant take it anymore. I cant
I'm currently refuses to talk to my sister because it makes me sick physically. Seriously
Even think about her make me sick, i couldnt breath, i feel like hitting, throwing stuff and scream into her face. I dont want to talk to her, i dont want to listen to her. I dont now what's this feeling called but if people will die if they cant breath for an extended period of time

she's abusing me mentally

please say something to make me feel better

[AdminOnline]

really cannot judge a book by it's cover(after i see your sis's pic)

This sis of yours only pull you down...
keep minimum or no contact with her as much as possible..

pay her back whatever you owe her & get yourself out of this miserable relationship..
as soon as possible ...

[valhensing]

if only it's possible. We're asian. Blood relationship last forever.......... ToT

[AdminOnline]

True...

well, as least you are free from her for the time being until the new year.