Looking for female perspective - does this relationship have romantic potential?

[TheWizard]

Hi there, and thanks for reading. I'll try and keep this as brief as possible but there is a good amount of information to consider.

First the situation. I'm healthily attracted to a woman who currently has a boyfriend. Healthy meaning I'm respectful of that fact, and of her and him. I'm also dating other women as well so it's not a case of hopeless infatuation. I'm looking for a female's insight given the "friend-zone / initial spark" stuff. I'm trying to determine how I've been categorized.

A couple important notes:

I AM NOT trying to steal her. I would love to have a relationship with her for sure, but I'm not going to make a move of any kind that would damage HER pride or integrity. Even if a relationship formed from that it would be trouble and broken from the start. That's not what I'm interested in. I'm interested in a possible LTR down the line with this girl if I'm still single and times are appropriate.

BUT DUE TO THE NATURE OF WOMEN I am flirty in our encounters, generally speaking. I do touch her to keep that sexual tension, and we do stand and sit close to each other. Basically being reasonably overt in my sexual attraction to her so that I stay clear of the friend zone.

So here's the story so far. We used to work together at a company, but barely spoke or knew each other. Around 2 years later we met up for lunch and found we actually shared a lot of common interests. More than her and her current BF. This was in June or so. We got out for lunch ever since, once every couple of weeks or so. It started as Sunday lunches (split dutch style - no pressure that way), and we've spent a couple of long days together indulging in these shared hobbies. The first couple of lunches were very intense eye contact, lots of tests you tricky females. The 5th time out she dressed up and mentioned her BF was out of town. Pretty obvious invitation, but I feel I was the better man not taking the bait. I told her she looked beautiful of course, but I didn't go home with her. She's also grown accustomed to and receptive of my touch.

I feel we've definitely got a spark between us, I feel it in my gut and I can tell we enjoy each others company immensely. She's quick to respond to texts 90% of the time, and when she's too busy to join me for a time out she reciprocates with another time/place almost immediately. It's important to note she doesn't complain to me about her life, and mentions her boyfriend sparingly if at all when we're out. We also have make future plans or references to them. I'm thinking this means I'm not another girlfriend. A good thing. She also has taken up guitar (a hobby of mine) and I'm teaching her to play.

Recently we've started to hang out more at night. Movies, dinners, enjoying each others company mostly. Moving our encounters from lunch dates to more typical date scenarios. We only chat about fun stuff, she never complains to me and I never complain to her. Our conversations are always mildly flirty and fun, and are now a little bit more personal in nature. I took her to dinner for her birthday and during our conversation she explicitly mentioned that she has always "dated her friends" when single, and she doesn't play the dating game. Also mentioned that she trusts me. She's also been a bit more open about her past boy friends and her personal faults/endeavors recently. The other night she asked me to go to our usual spot after her work because she would be busy on the weekend. During dinner she then asked if I had time to help her pick out a dress for her company party before I went off to a concert.

I agreed, and as part of the process she mentioned that her bf doesn't have the "patience" for this kind of thing. Mid process she had a couple incidents of showing extra skin, with the clerk helping her out and the stall curtain open, and beckoned me in to help her zip up a dress she was trying on. I Had to man handle her a little bit to get it zipped but she didn't seem to mind. Also let me touch a few more... restricted areas? Hair, neck, stomach, lower back etc.

Anyway the question here is given flirting signs and the spacing between our encounters has she been putting me in a place for a potential romantic relationship down the line rather than the typical "friend zone"? or am I too hopeful that our friendship can become something more. Seems odd to be ok with something like that, being a second option, but I'm dating other women so it's not that bad. I really do care for this girl and I want to get the opinion of other women about how they think this is going.

Oh, she's never called me "Brother" or "friend" or anything except one time at her birthday party introducing me to some of her and her boyfriends' friends. I figured that was acceptable given the situation though typically it's taboo from a girls mouth.

I really appreciate any feedback on this - if you want to know a little more I can answer questions.

[kms]

Sounds like you're quickly moving into the point of no return, since things are escalating to the cheating zone. You're already going on dates with her - something I'd be mad about if my SO did that behind my back. The only thing left now is making out and sex, which will inevitably happen if you continue to spend evenings doing things alone with her. Do you want to be the guy she cheats on her relationship with? Do you want a girl who WOULD cheat on her relationship? So, you have three choices.
1. come clean and tell her your feelings and that it has to stop here because you don't want anything bad to happen. You want her as a single woman, not a taken one.
2. Start turning her down and toning things down bit by bit til there's minimal contact, but then she might get confused and think you've lost interest.
3. Continue on this path and end up making out or having sex - essentially, helping her cheat on her boyfriend.

[TheWizard]

Thanks KMS - it should be noted that this is not behind her current BF's back. He's aware we're spending the time together and she is open with him about it as far as I'm aware.

Having said that thank you for your response. I was wondering if it was maybe getting a bit more deeper than I think it looked on the surface, and it appears it is. As I noted in my OP I don't want her to cheat, and I won't be making any moves on her. I don't want her integrity mangled in this - though I could care less about the guy (he's a douche).

It seems you've read the signs I've shared as her indeed being interested on that level, which I was unsure of. Thank you for the heads up I can compensate my actions.

[kms]

Well for sure it sounds like she's interested. She's spending a lot of alone time with you, going out and spending her evenings with you, having a special 'place' with you now, and she seems to be perfectly comfortable with the touching - and leaving the dressing room door open no less! These are all signs that she likes you, especially since she can probably pick up on the fact that you like her. If it weren't a mutual feeling, she wouldn't be going through all this, spending all this time with you. This is all time she could be spending with her boyfriend! After reading your story, I found myself wondering when exactly she spends time with him!

[TheWizard]

After reading your story, I found myself wondering when exactly she spends time with him!

haha, well she lives with him. She moved into his place when the financial crisis started, made "financial sense" at the time sort of deal. perhaps it's bored her to see him all the time?

[TheWizard]

Just thought I'd chime in again and see if anyone had another viewpoint on this? Also note the main question is really if she's putting me in a place where I'm a potential romantic partner compared to a friend-zone member.

[bluesummer]

I can see two possible mindsets for this girl:

1. She likes you.

2. She knows that if she flirts, you respond, and she enjoys the extra attention from you. Maybe she's not really interested in you, but likes to have you around and drooling over her......good for the ego, I guess.

I don't know how her bf is 'okay' with her spending so much time with another male. Maybe she told him you're gay.

[TheWizard]

Ok sounds like I'm going to need to tell her. Let her know that I've got to stop hanging out with her like this before I can no longer hold myself back and do something crazy with her. I figure there is no harm in telling her up front that I want her, but I want her as a single woman like kms suggested.

Becomes a scenario of ball is in her court, but she's not really playing since she's already taken

[lahnnabell]

Now that you are forcing her to choose, don't just up and assume that she's gonna just break it off with her b/f. Remember, she's apparently financially tied to him at this point. That could have a big effect on what decision she makes.

I agree, she might like you, or just like flirting with you. I know I've done some harmless flirting while still being taken, but without the intention of taking it further than some casual joking. I certainly wouldn't be spending so much of my free time with a guy that wasn't my boyfriend.

Also, heed the aforementioned advice, if she's willing to do this behind her boyfriend's back (I guarantee you she says you guys do nothing more than get coffee), what happens if you guys get together and things start to fall apart? She'll most likely go fishing, instead of being upfront and honest with you.