Serious problem!!! Please i need help!!!

[edgarmisael]

ok! here i go!

i am 19 years old just about to turn 20 im a sophomore in college, and ive a girlfiend, she is 18 years ld and shes about to graduate high school this may

heres my issue:

1. we have dated for 10 months now and i honestly do not want anyone else but her, people may say im too young to recognize love but i honestly think shes the one, and she thinks the same way about me from whats she has told me...

2. we decided to have sex about a month ago, she started taking anticonception pills that same month and we had sex twice, she is not pregnant... I REPEAT... shes not pregnant

3. her mom found the pills in her purse and she freaked the hell out, then 2 days later she found some pregnancy test that my gf took that i didnt even know about

4.this morning i went to pick her up to drive her to school and i didnt even know she had found out until she told me to step out of the house, she told me WE had betrayed her trust and that she is really dissapointed in both of us.. i really feel bad for how she feels, but i honestly do not regret having sex with my gf bc i honestly did it out of love, true love

5. even before her parents knew my gf and i had plans to get marry after she graduated (maybe not the best thing to do, but i love her)

6. her mom told me that if she ends up not being pregnant that she DOES NOT WANT ME NEAR HER DAUGHTER... and i cant do that, shes my everything

7. i have not talked to her parents, this happened this morning and im waiting till they talk to her and things settle down so we could all talk nicely

8. forgot to mentions,,, her brothers are PISSED!!!!!

9. i do not know how to confront her parents, should i tell them that we already had plans which we really did so that they could see that we love each other, i know i have to apologyze but i honestly do not know how to confront them! plllllzzzz help

10. she just called me from a friends phone, she told me that theve taken everything away from her, cellphone, laptop, they wont even allow her to go to school, so idk what to do! oh and she said that her parents might want to pay me a visist and talk to me and my parents about it... I REEAT SHES NOT PREGNANT!

[azilin]

If Mom "freaked out" a minimum of 2 days before she confronted you, why didn't you know about it? You and your GF aren't communicating much, for a couple of altar-bound lovebirds.

She kept the pregnancy test from you too. What else don't you know about? Or what part of the story are you leaving out?

Why did she keep pills right in her friggin' purse? And then keep the pregnancy test around when she had 2 days warning that Mom was on the warpath? Did some part of her WANT to get caught?

You are both technically not minors anymore, you're consenting adults from a legal standpoint. But you do sound like a couple of really starry-eyed kids who have not thought this through very much.

In any case if your GF lives under her parent's roof, 18 or not, she has to abide by their rules. My guess is she's not sure enough of herself to stand up to her overbearing parents and brothers, and you're probably screwed in the short run.

Your best bet is probably to not try to talk with these people while they are clinically insane (not letting her go to school? Are you pulling my leg? You must be). Let things blow over a bit before approaching them. Then, you have to argue that whatever they think about premarital sex or whatever concerns they have for their daughter's welfare, she does have legitimate feelings that need to be respected. And that they can't demonize you either.

There is no reason you can't have a conversation with the parents and your GF and talk it out calmly. If they won't do that, then you either have to ride it out a few months or elope, I guess. You wouldn't be the first, and you won't be the last. I wouldn't recommend eloping, though -- I wouldn't recommend marriage in the first place. Do you realize that the median age for getting married is something like 28.5 these days? You guys need to get your education complete before getting married. You have no idea how unromantic starving together is. I know -- you're supposed to be so happy you don't realize how miserable you are. But in real life it doesn't work out that way.

In an extremely backhanded way, her parents are actually right. This is moving way too fast. You two are not equipped to know your own hearts for a decision this major.

You'd have been better off to not be so serious. You could have ended up in college together, shacked up in each other's rooms if you wanted, and none of this drama.

Who is paying for your college education? Your GF's? No doubt, your respective parents.

Now I see separate colleges in your futures.

Maybe you need to have a conversation with your own parents, pre-emptively. Who knows, they may even go to bat for you with your GF's parents.

[edgarmisael]

first i would like to thank you for your words and time

i do think i should wait a bit before speaking to her parents. I am really scared for what the consequences might me...

her mom saw the pill one day, and we did notice she was a bit weird but she never said anything.. the keeping the pills and the test in her purse was really unwise from my gf, i agree

the thing that bugs the me the most is that they keep on telling her that i have no consequenses while she does... shes punished at her house and no ones supposedly tell me a thing since my parents do not know....

they say i only used her and that i wasnt in love with her that i only wanted her because i wanted sex! and that is very aggravating.. they tell her that she doesnt even know me when in reality its they the ones who do not know me

oh and no! i pay for my own college! i understand that we need an education but just can not lose her like this!

[edgarmisael]

HELP!!!!! write something people

[kms]

Well, her parents are reacting just like any conservative, caring, protective parents would. The chaos and insanity will blow over after some time. Just wait it out. She is still living in her parents' home though, so they can do whatever they want as a form of punishment - their house, their rules. They can ban you from coming over too; all perfectly understandable. If you patiently wait it out, they may realize that you are serious about her after all, and not just using her for sex.

I don't think it's your responsibility to 'rescue' your girlfriend or try to fix anything with her parents - that's up to her. It's HER family, and she needs to learn how to talk to them and stand up for herself. If they freak out about this, they'll likely freak out about many other things down the road too. She will have to learn how to handle her family on her own. This is all a part of growing up. Her parents are probably also freaked out about the fact that their baby girl is no longer a kid anymore, but is quickly transitioning into an adult, where they can't control her or make all the decisions for her. Perhaps this is why they're reacting so strongly too - they likely know that this is probably the last chance they'll have to make a lasting impression on her to continue living the life THEY want her to live, and to make the choices THEY want her to make.

So again, just be patient. She is no position to rise up in rebellion against her parents; she needs to finish high school and keep the peace with her family. When she goes off to college, she'll have more freedom to make choices, and you two can be together then more freely, although, as azilin mentioned, they may do their best to make sure you are not at the same college (and perhaps as far away from each other as possible!). If they are paying for her college, then they do have a say in that.

Have patience, be calm, wait, and ride it out. Let her deal with them. Don't push yourself on them.

[edgarmisael]

please keep more comming!

ive been trying to think of a way to move out of the house and live with her so that could be by ourselves but its a hard decision to make! :S