Very confused, really need some advice.

[PhysX]

Well, stop here if you don't like novel-length sob stories. If you like reading, continue >

Here's a little bit of a back story, just to understand how deep this goes.

Last year, I was being torn apart emotionally by the way my parents treated me.(this ties in later in multiple ways) Everyday for 1st period, I would be a nervous wreck and would just sit there. So, this girl just randomly stops to give me a hug and tried to talk to me a bit. She basically branched out when I was in need. I really didn't appreciate it as much as I should have, and this year I started to realize that and started to try and pay her back a minor bit.

So, first couple months go by(Yes, that's up until about 3 weeks ago.) and we didn't really say anything to each other, she probably thought I was over my 'problems'. But somehow we end up talking again, on thursday of the week before our thanksgiving break, I saw her start crying after I had given her a hug. I was near-oblivious to this, as I was in my class and had just peeked out the door.(Couldn't do anything, people had already swarmed her and there was no point in going out there.) I really thought long and hard about what she had done for me in the past, really got to me that I didn't do anything.

So the next day, we had a little no office referral event, we were in the halls and I went over and asked her why the heck she was crying the day before. She explained to me, and it reaaaaaaaaaaaally got to me.

It was because she had gotten written up(they still let her go, of course ^_^) and she was scared of her father...he had done the same to her as my dad had done to me. She sat on the bleachers next to me, I bought her some concessions and w/e.

She really appreciated it, yet she would actually express it unlike I did.

We get back the next week, she pulls me aside to tell me she couldn't stop thinking about me the whole break. I was awestruck, I had been wanting to say the same thing. I just didn't know how to handle it, I totally avoided the topic and moved on to meaningless smalltalk. I see her after that class, but I was all nerves and could barely get anything off my mind.(note: I really thought I had found someone equally as loving&caring as me.) She goes to her class, same with me.

SOOO

=======PROBLEMS START HERE=======

Lunch time, the oh-so scary part of the day where all the idiots roam free for 45 minutes. I'm looking around, and I see that Friend#1 is talking to her, I suspect the worst as all my friends find magnificent ways to screw me over.

He had told her about how I said I was with her.(She wasn't really mad, as she felt the same way about me.[I was literally thinking aloud on the phone, I went on rambling for about 30 minutes about our similarities and why I was crazy about her)

But, then she goes over to Friends#2/3/4/5/6 and they all just start running their mouths.

I was totally oblivious to what they were saying to her, as I was trying to avoid the stupidity. She asks me for an explanation, but I was only able to explain the things I actually said. She totally just walks off like I'm a complete A hole.

They had told her that I said I wanted to pop her cherry, and various other extremely disrespectful and degrading things.(Which I never partook in the the saying of these things)

So, to make a longer portion of this story short and simple, I've given her the all the space she's needed to think about this.

And the worst possible thing that could happen, happens.

She see's me walking by today, and tells me "Oh, so I guess you don't want to talk to me anymore =/"

Literally, I'm speechless, and if she expected some type of mystical answer, then WOW.

Turns around in 2-3 seconds, and runs over to her friends to blatantly taunt me. REALLLLLY hurt me, I thought she wasn't your average 14 year old mindless drone of a person.

Like I said, she comes at me like that when:

1. It's not even that big of a problem, I just wanted to give her some space to think about it.
2. How could I have possibly talked to her, after the monday of last week, she was only there 2 days, 1 of which she totally blew me off and gave me the vibe of " Piss off, don't talk to me." so I gladly did.
3. WHAT? How could you possibly say that.

I really do care about her, as I have spent the last month thinking of her non-stop.

So ladies, what exactly is going through her head?

How am I supposed to fix a problem that got blown way out of proportion, which came out of a blatant lie anyway?

*Note: I'm in the 8th grade, no one ever has any type of heart-to-heart conversations. Everyone is horribly immature and just doesn't know when the hell to shut their freakin' trap.

*Sorry if that sounded like pointless rambling, I've explained this to several people and they keep saying I should just talk to her, which is what I've wanted to do for the last week.

*I really wanted to get her something expensive for christmas, as a token of gratitude for what shes already done for me, not as a bribe to get her to talk to me again. Should I go through with it regardless of the way she's acting?

[lahnnabell]

It's sad that you developed such high expectations of her only to be let down by her incredibly childish behavior. I can see why it may have hurt and embarrassed her to hear those things from your friends, even if they weren't true. And it was kind of you to give her space to think about it and clear her head. From reading your post you sound like a very eloquent and thoughtful person.

If you want to see if she can pull it together and stop acting like a brat, either ask to talk to her in person and alone (not at school or within earshot of any of these other people you've mentioned), or if she won't give you the time of day, you can write a letter. Tell her that whatever she was told by your/her friends was untrue and that you were only trying to give her space since she was so upset. Explain what you said here that you thought better of her, and that you were truly hurt by her actions.

If she can't hack your honesty, then she isn't worth your time. Hopefully she'll smarten up. Good luck!

[lahnnabell]

Oh, and hold off on that present. She hasn't proven to be worth that kind of investment as of late.

And when you talk to her you should mention your gratitude for all the support and friendship she provided during your time of need.

[PhysX]

It's sad that you developed such high expectations of her only to be let down by her incredibly childish behavior. I can see why it may have hurt and embarrassed her to hear those things from your friends, even if they weren't true. And it was kind of you to give her space to think about it and clear her head. From reading your post you sound like a very eloquent and thoughtful person.

If you want to see if she can pull it together and stop acting like a brat, either ask to talk to her in person and alone (not at school or within earshot of any of these other people you've mentioned), or if she won't give you the time of day, you can write a letter. Tell her that whatever she was told by your/her friends was untrue and that you were only trying to give her space since she was so upset. Explain what you said here that you thought better of her, and that you were truly hurt by her actions.

If she can't hack your honesty, then she isn't worth your time. Hopefully she'll smarten up. Good luck!

*sigh*

Thanks, the thing is, I've been wanting to say most of those things and more, but it's extremely difficult to get her alone.

I've asked a couple of her close friends(That I've known for years) To tell her that.

Hopefully she see's why I've inadvertently ignored her, thanks again!

Oh, and hold off on that present. She hasn't proven to be worth that kind of investment as of late.

And when you talk to her you should mention your gratitude for all the support and friendship she provided during your time of need.

Will do ^_^

[bhabygrace]

try ur best to prove yourself to her..maybe if she sees it..she'll change her behaviour ..

[lhn]

I don't think he needs to "prove" himself at all. Just do what lahanna said.

Good luck pal

[PhysX]

Thanks guys.

But today my suspicions of her just being your run-of-the mill, immature teenager were sorta justified.

One of my friends had asked her if she had forgiven me(for w/e reason) and she had walked off and someone asked her "Who's Brandon?"

Her answer " Some ugly *** white boy"

Good to know, huh?

*But, I didn't just give up, I talked to her bff about it(I've known her for years) and HOPEFULLY she can get through to her.

*Bahh, I thought I was a good judge of character, guess it's time to rethink my philosophies.

[TheWizard]

the indirect approach may seem like a good idea but it's coming across a little insecure I think. You should pull her aside and talk to her. During lunch sounds reasonable since you share that time frame.

If she doesn't want to, is quiet and closed off (watch her body language - crossed arms, not making eye contact, looks around and not AT you) then you are probably right and she's in her own special teenage immaturity land.

Yuo seem to be taking this pretty well and with a stride in your step. Don't let her get to you, that's how they win

[PhysX]

the indirect approach may seem like a good idea but it's coming across a little insecure I think. You should pull her aside and talk to her. During lunch sounds reasonable since you share that time frame.

If she doesn't want to, is quiet and closed off (watch her body language - crossed arms, not making eye contact, looks around and not AT you) then you are probably right and she's in her own special teenage immaturity land.

Yuo seem to be taking this pretty well and with a stride in your step. Don't let her get to you, that's how they win

Thanks!

I never wanted to get other people to do all the talking, I needed them to get her eased up enough so she actually had a genuine need to talk with me.

I might just go up to her regardless, but It's going to be more of a confrontation. Primarily because I view it as me giving her nothing but unconditional kindness and understanding, and then she goes around talking about me like I meant absolutely nothing to her. I don't take kindly to racial comments, especially when they're made by someone I viewed as such a caring person who couldn't possibly steep to such levels of immaturity.(Besides the fact that it's more than cultural ignorance, I'm mexican/french and she's going around like that label could possibly offend me in that manner)

Even when people had asked me what I have to say back to her, I just sit there and keep telling them " I've never said anything negative about her, she hopefully said that out of anger, if she didn't then it's not my problem"

Was thinking of getting her that gift, leaving a little note inside with a very vague explanation of why I bothered to give it to her.

like "<3, as always, this is a thank you for what you've done for me. Not a part of a childish scheme to impress you. Have a Merry Christmas!!! "

Or something along those lines, but it's all so pointless. Today, while doing some tech support for a friend, I realized that I really am something to be proud of. I'm not going to be on an endless pursuit of someone who doesn't deserve it.(Always been on the back of my mind, but my mind forces me to go on such useless journeys )

[PhysX]

Close the thread please, I talked to her.

Conclusion: I feel no need to overly pursue anyone, good lesson in life.