what does this mean?

[jlj1967]

My ex and I broke up two months ago. He handled a bad situation poorly with me and I called him on it….I never heard from him after that. Last week I sent a text wishing him a happy turkey day and we ended up texting for an hour. In a text he made the following comment about himself "I am not a person to be loved by anyone". I can ask but he will dodge the question. The comment just struck me odd.....anyone have any insight?


This is what happened. I was sexually assaulted by a family member. He was upset about what happened, he lives far away. I know that he was upset & angry& I do understand that. We talked on my way home, he made some stupid comments & said he would call me the next day. This was at 8:30 pm the night of the assault. I did not hear from him until the next day at 6 pm. He said he didn't call me all day because he was at work and didnt' want his co workers to over hear him & ask questions, so he would wait till his car ride home.

He works dept manager in a store. He could have went outside, on a break or something to at least check on the "love of his life", but he didn't.

We were together almost 1 1/2 years he proposed. When he did what I felt like was blowing me off, I told him. He said he didn't want to hurt me or say something I might misconstrue & would talk to me later. He never did & when I tried, to call or write, no response.

Not till a week ago in the text

[shheadz]

Sounds like you need to cut the poor guy some slack. Why would you expect him to be prepared to handle a bad situation like that? I don't even know what I'd do, short of finding the family member and hitting them over the head with a baseball bat. It would probably take me a few days to calm down, and recover from the rage of emotions going through my mind.

You may have been the one that was assaulted, but he was affected too. Sounds like you were too busy putting him down for not being there for you, but you weren't there for him either. I'd probably need more of the story to know what really happened, and why he'd suddenly cut you off.

[kms]

Yeah... there is a lot that you left out of this story, such as what exactly was the situation in which you were assaulted, what exactly he said that you perceived to be 'stupid'... on and on. You don't have to reveal all that, but without it, it's difficult to really help you analyze what might be going on.

But I agree with shheadz, he probably was so shocked by it, overwhelmed, angry, perhaps felt powerless, maybe even mad at you (for who knows what reasons since you didn't explain much)...

To give you an analogy: a kid gets lost in the store, and the mom is looking all over for him. She's worried, heartbroken, sad, terrified - yet when she finally finds him, what usually happens? She scolds him and appears angry: "Timmy, where were you?? We've looked everywhere for you! You know better than to go somewhere without an adult!"

Sometimes we turn to anger to express (and cover really) our other, more vulnerable feelings. Males tend to turn to anger more than females, so his response might have been anger and yours might have been feeling hurt, vulnerable, weak, needing assurance, needing to talk it out... but he might have been too angry and upset to be able to sit there and listen to all the details. He might have needed some time to calm down, to get himself out of a homicidal rage toward whoever did it to you, before he could sit down and listen to everything and be there for you.

Oh and by the way, I'm really so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Is there anyone else you can talk it out with instead? Sometimes it's better to talk to someone who isn't really involved with you personally and can remain neutral (such as a therapist). Also, I hope you are taking action against the person who assaulted you so that it doesn't happen again.

[CAM]

Yeah, seems like a lot of incomplete parts to the story here...makes it difficult to ascertain why he reacted the way that he did. As much as you needed his empathy, it is also important to not transfer ownership of your grief to him...obviously, it was hard for him to handle.

[kuaisudi]

Sorry, I don't know

[lahnnabell]

"I am not a person to be loved by anyone" is a silly, dramatic statement that I would ignore. It's bait so that you'll inquire, "Why do you feel that way?" and attempt to provide emotional reassurance. Perhaps he has had enough time to look at the situation he so badly reacted to and figure his own head out. I'm sure he feels bad for his initial reaction and it may have just taken him a while to come to terms with it.

Now, why exactly aren't you giving us the full story? What did he say? I feel as though you're leaving it out to spare him some blame. Was it stupid at the time because you were also heated and upset in that moment? Does whatever he said hold the same weight as it did?

[JEBUSMADMAN]

He might be disturbed by the thought of a family member assaulting you and doesn't know what to say, just struck him by surprise and he probably doesn't think he can move on from it, or take that image out of his head, or decides to stay away before he gets in trouble with the person who assualted you. He obviously doesn't love you they way he said he did.

[ds615]

There is no way to be sure, but to me it sounds like he is suffering from depression. It may, or may not, have anything to do with you or your situation.

He might be feeling bad about the way he acted, or he might be feeling bad in general.

You should ask him.

[davidtorres]

"I am not a person to be loved by anyone".

Hes pushing you away. You're trying to talk to him but hes blaming himself so you can move on. He doesnt want to deal with that situation.