Webcam Sex

[Katherine]

Hi guys. I need your help again.

As you all know my bf and I have a LDR (China-America). So it's impossible for us to... you know.We talk on skype and recently, he asked me to do something in front of the webcam. (We keep LDR for more than 2 years, he never asked such kind of stuff before. ) At first, just show my upper body, later he asked more, like... you know. Sometimes even asked me to kneel down on my chair. He then got horny and ... in front of the webcam.

He even asked me to rub myself and imagine it was him doing that. But I never did that kind of stuff ever so it's kind of hard. I don't know what to do. And I feel a little bit awkward too.

I want to know if this is normal. People do that a lot? Will he become unhappy or disappointed if I said no? Or guys love this? Please help!

[vashti]

Was this an actual relationship at one point, or is this just an internet thing?

[mountainhopper]

It's completely up to you whether you do that stuff. Is it normal? no, but obviously the normal way of doing things is not feasible at this time. If it makes continuing a LDR easier for both of you then try it out.

[Katherine]

no no, it's not just an internet thing. we have real relationship. we met at work when he was in china. he moved back to US after one year. Since then the LDR started. And we only met once during these 2 years. So it's real relationship. not like someone meeting online stuff.

[vashti]

Do you have a concrete plan in place for when this long-distance thing will be over?

[Katherine]

he said in two years. Just give him two more years time to do stuff he wants. But of course I want this LDR thing to be over asap. Now the only way is to talk on internet or phone. I plan to visit him again next May because I don't think it is a good idea to not meet for such long time.

[vashti]

What's supposed to change in two years?

Honestly, this isn't quite as bad as if you were doing this for someone you never met in real life, but it isn't quite right, either. You really don't know if you will ever be able to have a real relationship with him again, and yet you are providing a level of intimacy you aren't really confortable with. I wouldn't have done it.

I hope he didn't record you.

[Heratriumphant]

Still the same guy huh?

Still not treating you with respect.

I'd tell you if you don't like it don't do it, but it seems like you're just going to do what ever this guy tells you to.

You're wasting your life and your youth on a broken man-child who debases you and treats you like shit.

[Katherine]

No, he didn't do record. He's not that kind of person. I know him very well. We met each other's family already. I think he just needs a little bit more time before he decides to settle down.

But the thing is it is normal for two persons in a relationship having phone or webcam sex?

[Heratriumphant]

The thing about sex is that there is no "normal" there is only what you like and what you don't like.

People who love and respect you will never pressure you to do things you don't like.

[IndiReloaded]

You still with him? I thought you decided he wasn't making enough of an effort in your relationship?

[Katherine]

I do not tell him that I'm not comfortable with that. But I will tell him next time when he asks to see his reaction.

We are still together because we still love each other. He's just not someone that can express his feelings freely. But he's trying.

[IndiReloaded]

We are still together because we still love each other. He's just not someone that can express his feelings freely.

Good luck with that.

[Katherine]

Every relationship has problem there is no perfect thing for sure. He's also a human being. He cant be perfect and he is trying his best. He told me two weeks ago that I am the most special one in his life. He didn't spend any time on anybody as he has done for me. That is true. I saw how he call his friends and family, very simple, no more than 5 minutes. When time is so precious for him, he gives me lots of that. I think that is his special way to express love and caring.

[kms]

To answer your question, yes, people in a relationship may often do webcam or phone sex when they are apart from each other.

However, I have a few questions. The first is, have you done anything intimate with him in real life (touching, oral sex, intercourse, etc.)?

If not, I would understand your discomfort at doing it online. It's more impersonal and isn't really the nice, intimate, warm, and personal experience that you'd generally want for the first time with someone.

Second, if you don't feel ready to do that type of thing with him, then don't. Perhaps your relationship isn't stable or secure enough for you to feel comfortable sharing that part of yourself with him. Females tend to need the relationship to be in a good place before they can feel turned on and desire sex. We tend to see sex as a more holistic thing, including much more than just actual intercourse.

Why exactly do you want to be with him? China and the US are reallllyyy far away from each other. Is he a good person, treats you well, respects you, listens to you, does his personality fit yours, do you have similar interests, goals, etc.?

If he's more or less just stringing you along while he's having a good time playing around and enjoying his single life in the US, then I would really recommend you not waste your time. Long distance relationships are very difficult, even for those who are seriously committed to each other.